*Thinking bout Brad*

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

Cleo

Awwwwwe....what can I say, she's such an angel...she looks up into my eyes and my heart just melts, she's such a sweetheart. She didn't wake up till 5:30 this morning and then she went back to sleep and was quiet in her crate till 8:30, when mum came in and wok us up. Considering she went to sleep at 10:30pm, that's pretty good...hee hee, her brothers wake their owners up at 2 and 3 am *is so happy she has such a good girl*. She also follows me around everywhere and comes when I call her. She only has 2 bad habits which I hope she can break, she chews and pulls on her lead when she's on it and also on people's clothes (ie, my dressing gown) and she also treats the water bowel like a swimming pool, splashing water everywhere...oh yeah, and she takes foreeevvvver to do her business, we've had a few accidents because of it. Apart from those, she's an angel. Our border X Labrador doesn't like her much cos she's getting all the attention, she acts very aloof around her and used to get up and walk away if Cleo went near her. Hopefully she'll warm to her...hmmm....I'm sleepy.
Both of my parent have commented to me separately that I seem much happier now that I have her, that I'm not so grumpy....so I guess it's true....she helps me take my mind off Brad. Our conversations have become much better since, cos I'm not spending all day thinking about him and having alllll these expectations for when we talk...hmmmm...
I wanna go to sleep soon, nigh nigh everyone. <3 Kat

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watching: Cleo sleep
listening to: the birdies
mood: sleepy

Cleo woke me up at 5am, after sleeping only 5 hours
Now she's asleep on my lap so I can only type one handed....I wanna go back to sleeeep.

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watching: Cleo sleep n wriggle around in her doggy bed
listening to: hmmm..the t.v in the background
mood: content...kinda mellow

Yayness, I got Cleo today, she's so adorable, I love her so much, she's my sweet lil girl. She's so loyal, she's sleeping in her dog bed next to me and b4 she was sleeping in my lap and by my feet...She was such a lil angel in the car on the way home too. I thought she'd whine and bark and try to run around everywhere, but she just sat next to me and then fell asleep with her head on my lap...awwwe! If my digi camera's batteries weren't flat, i'd take a pic of her and post it here. The people that I got her from have a whoole heap of photos of her on their computer though, so I'll get them to send them to me, then you can see what she looks like, she's adorable...but then, that is from a proud mother's perspective, lol.

Brad called me last night, it was good...we talked and stuff...he called me at like 10:30, so we talked for a coupla hours until he hadda go...was nice...I uhhh....kinda seduced him a lil, but I didn't hear him complaining, lol..hmmmm....I wonder if he'll call me tomorrow night....it's important to me for him to give me affection and attention...makes everything feel ok, if he's not attentive enough then I get sad...I like to know that he wants me and that he wants to hug me and cuddle me and kiss me....and more...it's important.

Time for Cleo's toilet break, adios!

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Had a crapatastic night at work tonight, but I already spent 20 minutes bitching about it to my mum, so I don't wanna now, will just make me feel mad again...damn tenson headache, go away!
Hmmmm...no email from Brad...should I email him? Naahh...meh, I prolly will anyway.

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Smokers
Ugh, I hate them, they have no respectfor other people, they're rude, arrogant and offensive. They don't seem to realise that just because they want to pollute their lungs, other people don't. I was at the train station once and a lad was smoking near me and I asked her to move and she was all like, "it's an open area" so I told her I didn't care andI didn't like it and she actually said, right in my face, "well fuck you then!" and walked away...ugh, can u believe it??
This afternoon, at the train station again, this guy actually lit one up, going up the stairs, with all these people around him....a pregnant lady was walking right next to him and he didn't even care, arsehole. Why is that most smokers are arseholes?? If someone's smoking and trying to give up, then I guess I respect that, that's what my dad did, but to everyone else...You should all be shot.

Work
We're having this Tsunmi charity event at work today, so we've got like 10 times the amount of staff we usually have on and about 3 times the amount of guests we usually have......soooo.....if anyone actually lives in Sydney, who is reading this and you want great steaks and prolly the best service you're ever gonna get at Lonestar Parramatta and you wanna donate to the Tsunami victims, then come to Lonestar TODAY. Uhhhh...I'm done! Adios!

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I know, I know, everytime I write something on this thing, i'm whingeing....but if u don't like it, fuck off.
I want everything to be how it used to be with Brad and I...things are just kinda...in limbo, I hate it. Last time we talked, it was good, it was fun, but it was only for less than an hour and I asked him to call me that night and he said he couldn't...I wonder what will happen come Valentine's Day, he's not gonna send me anythin, but I wonder if he'll atleast send me an e-card or email or something...or if he'll call me...I wonder if he'll call me...it's been 2 weeks since he last did. I'm really quite curious.
Ugh, I'm so jealous right now of Sonia. Her fiancee's in Canada right now, but he's moving here in a few months and today she went to the real estate agent and in a couple of months, with the money he's put in their joint account ($70 000!!!), she's gonna put a deposit on their first house! I can see what she means when she says that you can't compare her relationship to Mirwais with mine and Brad's...it's so different...they're planning their whole lives, their future. Within a year, they'll be married....I can't believe it, seems like yesterday we were 15 and giggling and talking bout stupid stuff during class and in the playground...now she's got her whole life planned, she's engaged to this 27 year old man she's madly in love with, they're planning every little detail...she seems so together...I feel so untogether, when did I get left behind? I'm still a kid, trapped in an adult body, I don't know if I can deal with stuff...Cole, can you imagine me getting married within the next year and buying a house and stuff?? Yet, I need committment from Brad and his time and attention....I just don't know how we're going to sort everything out, I've still got 3 years of school left ahead of me, Brad another year, I don't think he'll be able to commit to anything, I dunno...I just don't know.
Ugh, how did life get so confusing?

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