i'm in need of some change.
change sounds good right now.
i dislike getting too cozy in my skin.
i guess i don't like the feeling of settling.
yeah.

i think i'm better off being low key these days.
it's awkward running into random people i knew a long time ago.
i'd rather avoid situations like that by all means than front formalities.
my greatest fear is becoming everything i was before ..that i already let go of.

i wanna move to LA by january.
just don't know what part yet.
i wish i was ballin' so that i could move now.
but just gotta do what i gotta do to get there.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

mood: dissatisfied.

after less than two weeks of my job...i think that it's time for me to quit. i feel dissatisfied with it. i mean i graduated college and have a bachelor's degree but i'm serving coffee and mopping floors. i can get a better job. EASILY, but for some reason i wanted to be low-key for awhile. you know, still be a starving college student... jan told me that after two weeks i'll be okay with the job but i dread every single day i have work. i feel like my manager thinks that i want to work there for a really long time but i'm not feeling it especially since i only wanted to work there for the summer. i feel bad if i quit because they're kinda understaffed and it's hard to train people all the time. at the same time, that's not my problem. my problem is that this job is getting me nowhere.

i want school to start ASAP so that my above problem can be solved and i won't have to work so much. plus, i'll get to meet ventura college people and get in touch with my hometown/homecounty all over again. i need stuff to stress over and worry about. school is the remedy.

i miss liking the mo val local and running into him on campus or droppin in on his tagalog lecture section or him crashin mine. idk. it was fun. he was funny. typical class clown, made me smile, and wonder since he was the type to keep to himself. the only thing was that he lied bout where he was from...

my oxnard friends are the best. all we do is laugh about everything. even when we're completely miserable. i guess we forget tha we are for awhile.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

i need to find a way to adapt to my new surroundings whether i like it or not.
i can sit around and complain all day but these days it's put up with it or shut the f up.

i feel like i'm a mess again. like i'm all over the place. i feel people judging me again and for some reason i'm letting it get to me.
i want things to be a certain way but i don't think it's going to happen like that.
i think that i'm leading someone to believe that there's something but really they don't mean all that much to me and all the while someone is making me feel like that too. i wish life was much easier understandable than what it is for me now.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

i'm growing accustomed to oxnard now.
i dislike the vibe people give off, though.
i guess i just haven't met the kind of people i'm used to.
it's okay.
i'll find some chill, laid-back people soon enough.
i'm hoping for it.

last week i had lots of doctor's appts and what not.
i still have a sinus infection.
today i was supposed to have a surgery but it got cancellled.
that was good news for me cuz i get to keep my lip piercing for a lil longer.

today i applied for a job at this coffee shop called bad ass coffee co.
i really like the vibe there...and the surfer/beachy/hawaiian environment.
i have a formal interview on friday morning. i hope i get it bc i really need a job to pay off my credit card bills.

also i hit a car at mcdonalds for the second time in my life. i think God is telling me not to eat that kinda food anymore. i'm fine with that. but yeah. the lady i slightly bumped into at less than 5 mph yelled at me and took down my license plate number which was unnecessary. that crazy needs to chill the fuck out cuz there was no damage whatsoever. yeah i'd be mad too but i wouldn't yell at the person and yes someone has bumped into me before at a much higher speed and i was pretty chill about it. whatevs.

other than that. i put myself in a situation i don't know what to do with because i know things that i'm sure i'm not supposed to know about but i just wanted to keep talking to this person to see how long it would take for them to mention what it is i know. but nothing has been mentioned...and i don't want to ask about it because it's not my place to ask and i don't want to make a big deal of it...

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

i moved back to oxnard. i'm beginning to believe that this was not the smartest move i could have made. i already feel home sick for rside/moval. i miss everyone. i really don't have anything to do here but then again i had nothing to do in moval either.

i have no friends out here anymore. it's like i'm back to the beginning once again. at least i'm saving money and i hope to be in rside at least every weekeend this summer. =)

Comment! (3) | Recommend!