Regret is a pill to spill
That never quite goes down

I'e spent the last couple of hours watching The Fox and the Hound, all the way through once and then to selected scenes. My favorite scenes are the ones with Copper(Hound)And Todd(Fox) are playing and promise to be best friends forever. Take a step back and remember a person who once meant the whole damn world to you and think of all the promises you made to her... or him. Reflect back to a time when you knew that person's heart completely, and they knew yours--- when you could play Taboo, Pictionary, or one of those Partner games with ‘em and be on a whole 'nother level when it comes to scoring. Now think to the relationship you have with 'em today. If things are still the same, then believe you me, you are blessed.

The fox to my hound.. we're good. Emotions that I have laid dormant behind the four chambers of this blood pumpin' organ are always gonna' be intertwined with memories of long ago, because whenever I think back to my days in H.S., JR high, even some elementary, she'll be there. I can't speak on her behalf, but I reckon that she'd say the same of me. In the words of every football coach and my new math teacher, "It is what it is."

"we'll be friends forever.. won't we?"
"Forever is a long, long time.. and time has a way of changing things."

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her: Why do you sound so nervous?
him: 'Cause.. I'm scared.
her: Of?
him: That I'll mess this up..
her: Don't worry. You won't.

That was three years ago.

A little more than three weeks have passed since she confessed her thoughts concering marrying her son's surrogate father. Because she sometimes reads my nutang, I didn't want to write anything down here.

A lot has happened since then... At first I decided to keep my thoughts concerning how I felt to myself. I didn't tell her that I still believe in all the things we said over the past seven years about being soul mates and marriage. Didn't tell 'er about my plans to have a four day school week next semester so I could spend the weekends with her, or about my week off in december and the decision I had made to drive up to see her. I did not tell her that a part of my heart, if not all, would always have her name engraved all over it and wanted to know if she felt the same. Til last week.
She told me she did.

She doesn't know if shes going to marry him. All she knows is that she loves him, she loves her son, he loves her, he loves her son, and I'm 300 miles away and haven't had the time, or the will, to visit since summer. And she and I both know that if she does marry him then she'd have a real family for her son to grow up in sooner than if she were to wait for me to get the seven-eight years of college over and done with. And I know that no matter how much she may love me, and no matter how long we've had it in the back of our heads that we're meant to be together and that everyone else we date were the prologue to the novel we were to write, she has to do what is best for her and her son, and right now it ain't me. And I can't expect her to wait another seven years until I get out of law school.

I'm trying my best to move on. I was with this new girl just last week at a group study session and she invited me back to her place when we were done. I went, we talked for a good hour and a half, sitting side by side on her couch, just the two of us. And this girl would be almost perfect for me. Shes really smart and I believe she is studying Political science and African American studies. She even wants to go to UC Berkely Lawschool, like me. Last but not least, shes beautiful.

But I made the mistake of looking her in the eye, and what I realized when our eyes met made my stomach turn. I realized that if she says ' I do, ' and I'm here 17 hours away, then for the rest of my life whenever I look another woman in the eye, and I mean really Look, I'm going to remember the way she looked at me after our first kiss that made me tremble.

As for the new girl... I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I can feel the weight of her stare when I walk past and I sense all her questions that linger in the air. I want to tell her... something. Not sure what. I'll tell her I suck at life or something.


her: tell me what I want to hear.
him: Uh.. um.. okay.. bye?
her: Aww. That's not it.
him: Mm.. I love you.
her: Do you?
him: Yeah.
her: Well.. I'm in love with you.

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