So we went for the lunch. He was not a complete jerk, just half a jerk. I mostly stayed clear of him and only spoke to him when he spoke directly to him first. Of course I accidently fell asleep when I first got there. I had been up the night before with my 13 year old till like 2:30 AM. Then when I finally got her to sleep my 10 year old woke up and decided she had to sleep with me. Needless to say, I did not get much sleep. So I fell asleep unintentionally only to be woke up to my being yelled from the kitchen to get in there.

In the end, as we were getting ready to get in the car he said, "Aren't you going to give me a hug since you are getting ready to go out of town?" So as usual, I go over and give him a hug like all is perfect in the world. I guess that was his way of trying to make peace becuase Heaven forbid he say sorry...that would be admitting he did something wrong and he never does any thing wrong. (in his opinion)

Ok. Enough bitterness. I have an awesome husband and 2 awesome daughters. They are enough for me.

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mood: sad
mood: sad
Well I am suppose to be getting ready to take me, ric and the girls to my parents for early Thanksgiving lunch. Since we are going to Huntington West Virginia to have Thanksgiving with my husband's family. Except I dont really want to go to my parents today cause my dad has been in this really hateful mood for about a week now. He like really hurt my feelings when I stopped by there this past Thursday night. Yeah, that is right. I am a grown woman with a family of my own, but he still has the ability to make me feel like a child. An unloved child at that. Everyone thinks he is this awesome happy, friendly, smiley guy. He is to the outside world...but not to his family.

He can really make me feel like crap, to put it nicely. There is never anything that I do that is right or good in his eyes. He was a million times worse on my brother. Oh well, happy Sunday.

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mood: happy
Not much to say. I am tired and feel like I have been run over by a Semi. Could not figure out why I was in so much pain. Then it dawns on me. I forgot to make my evening meds.

Took both my girls to the grocery store with me tonight. They drove me crazy. They acted like they were two years old again. Though I would not admit it to them, I loved every second of it. They are growing up way too fast. They were goofy and silly and they were having fun with each other like they did when they were younger.

I love my girls so much. They are the most precious gifts the good Lord has ever given me.

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It is still raining. Actually it is lightening and thundering and pouring. I need to go walk the dog one more time but it won't let up long enough for me to do so. The rain mixed with the readings of a fellow nutang's writings, are causing me major flashbacks. They dont happen often thanks to the walls and blocks I have developed over the years, but these readings hit way too close to home.

The memories from so long ago. The intense, all consuming love for another individual. Every waking moment is filled with that perosn. You dont care whether you live or die as long as you are with that person. Nothing or no one else matters. Even eating ceased to be important. My parents were worried and kept ragging me about my weight but they just did not understand that I was not hungry, that all I cared about was being with him.

I wonder where I would be today had we really taken off that day like we planned. We were prepared and all set to go and then a question that produced an answer that he did not like sent everything spiralling out of control. My world came crashing down. I left. I ran. But not with him. Just to remember brings an unbearable burning searing pain to my soul. The truth is still there. You never forget. You build walls and put up blocks, but all it takes is a trigger to bring your world crashing down once again.

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www.flickr.com More of sortetp's photos

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At first I thought he was really cute, but now that he has tripled in size and goes thru a bag of catfood in a week....I am ready for him to go bye bye. The dog does not even bark any more when he enters and the cat just continues sleeping while he eats her food right below her. I wish I could figure out how to put pics on this thing so everyone could see just how big he is now.

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