While sitting here in a room with my friend Daniel, I think of how great life is beginning to get. All of the better and all of the best. I'll never know how at ease I can get until I put myself to rest. I'm pretty sure that it's going to be the most beautiful sleep in a long while. Daniel's playing his guitar, singing a little song. It's funny how things get better when you do wrong. He's talking about how he's not able to write a poem off of the top of his head. My suggestion is that, "You should pray for that talent right before you go to bed." 'wink's

HAHAHA.. Just off of the top of my head... nothing too creative...

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Well, it hasn't been that long, at all, since the last time I was hurt and blinded by the meanings and feelings of love. I spoke to, the many few, friends that I've had for the longest years of life and they brought a smirk, here, and a smile, there, to my face. I gave their words and support some thought and it helped me a lot. They've proven, to me, that they care an enormous amount. It seems as if I didn't, already, know all those things. I knew and know a great amount of knowledge on life. I just haven't ever put them to use. My changes in the near future will be hard to accomplish but it'll bring me tremendous joy and happiness. It'll all be worth the effort and time that I'm going to put towards those ambitions. Unlike all the effort, cares, love, and how I've tried the many times before. It was all a waste of time and brought me to the results of hurt and sorrow. I'm strong and everyone knows that. I can be the biggest, most fucked up, person in the world and not give a fuck about anything or anyone. All of the so-called "friends", "homies" and "lovers" that I've had in my past and recent pasts weren't worth any of my time. I've always learned to move on and hold and hide those pains deep down inside of me. Where no one can ever bring it back around to see the sorrow and sadness I've had for it, them.

I've picked myself back up, once again, and living like there's no tomorrow. Hopefully, I can receive the happiness that I was suppose to receive a long time ago. Everyone that truely cares and cared, I love you guys so much. Thanks you guys!

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

check this shit out www.xanga.com/itz_troy he is a fucking bitch!!! she got to him after she broke up with her bf and then he got back with me just to fuck me over and break me down and fuck with my heart.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Where to start...? It's been depressing the past couple of days. I think I'm losing it!

He and I got back together four days ago. I went to his house and talked things out with him. It seem like everything was going so well. He told me how much he loved me, how much he cared, how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and how he was so lucky to still have me. I was falling even deeper into the love hole.
Next day, I went out with my sister from Hawaii for a day and got stranded. The people I was stuck with didn't let me use their phone. I couldn't call him or use their phone because they didn't want the number to show up on the person's caller I.D. I didn't get home til the next night. Right when I stepped through that door, I rushed for the phone and called him. This was only two days later after we had gotten back together. He told me that we should start seeing other people. I asked him if he had anyone else in mind. He said no. He lied. I didn't know. I was trying so hard to not break down because of the hope and faith that had just been shattered into dust. I still broke down. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do.
Why is it that everytime I fall so deep in love, I'm hurt? Why do I ALWAYS get hurt in the end just because I care so much? Why me?
I helped him get his shit straight and no one sees that. All they ever saw was him trying for me and how much I hurt him. Due to the fact that he was caught up into his emotions, I'm hurt, like ALWAYS. It's my fault that he can't get over the fact that I have a life. It's alright for him to go out without me trippin' on him but It's not possible for me to go out and get stranded, unintensionally, without him stressing about the fact that I'm out. It's my fault that I gave him the many chances that I did everytime that I saw him break down when I'm about to let him go. 'chuckles weaklessly' I could have just been selfish and let him go. At least I wasn't the one that would have gotten hurt. Now, I am. I started to drink again, last night, after 4 years. I'm hating me. I'm losing it... 'cries'


"In My Sleep"
As I lay myself down and try to rest my eyes, I realize that this is the only way I can
have everything in my life that I want. So when I go to sleep, sometimes, I don't ever
want to wake up. But once again, reality comes and lets me smell the air of "LIFE".
By: MTL


"Deep Down"
I'm going to get a nine and pull the trigger, upon the fact that there is nothing left to live
for. I have fallen a thousand of times before. And all those times, I have picked myself
back up and told myself to try again. All these times have made me sink deeper and
deeper into the fact that I'll never succeed. Doesn't anyone understand this? No one
really cares... I've been neglected ever since my adolescence years... Never have I done
anything wrong... Why am I facing all these hardships? When will I find that individual to
make me smile? Dear Jesus, my Lord, let God look upon me and help me get through
another failure of mines...
By: MTL

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Goodness, so much has been going on these past days. I just broke up with my B.F. I just wanted to give him some time to himself. He's been caring for my happiness so much that he haven't been able to realize he's not happy. He tells me that my happiness is what makes him happy. I don't doubt that. It's just when I am happy, he's not. I want him to be happy because of himself, NOT ME. Too much to be posting about. No time. When I find that time, I'll spill it all out on here. Until then, I won't be posting for about a couple of days.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

Last night, before I fell asleep, it seemed as if my B.F. was mad or upset at me. I just fell asleep anyways because I was really tired. I woke up at 9:38 AM. I went back to sleep for another hour, 10:48 AM. Within that hour, I had a dream. I usually don't have too many dreams. It wasn't too heart warming.

When I fell back asleep, in the dream, I was awake already. As in like, I never fell back asleep. I was around the room somewhere and my B.F. was laying in the bed. I received a phone call from my sister asking if I wanted to go have lunch or dinner with them. Then there was an incoming call. I didn't recognize what it read on the screen. It was blurred out, black blotch. So I gave it to my B.F., since it was his phone, to answer. It sounded like his aunt. She had an accent but didn't sound old enough. So I told him, "It sounds like your aunt." He got on the phone and he started mumbling in a low tone of voice. I didn't have a clue of what he was talking about or what he was saying. I asked him, "Who is that? Is it your aunt?" He just looked at me and kept on talking. "WTF, who is that?" I didn't get a response.

I got mad so I started walking downstairs. He had a lot of family members sitting in the living, but I didn't care about them. I walked out, through the front door. I was too angry to know my strength, so it shut tight. I was outside for a little bit, to cool down. I finally went through the garage and went back upstairs. He was already off the phone and I just layed on the bed. That was when I woke up.

I woke up to him holding on to all of his belongings; keys, phone, wallet, & chapstick. I got even more mad because I was already mad in the dream. He noticed that I was awake so he walked over to me. He sat next to me and looked at me.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked. "Why do look upset? Are you okay?"

I just kept on looking at him. Then I finally told him that I had an upsetting dream. We talked about it. He told me nothing like that's ever going to happen. I do believe him but then what if it's a sign telling me something like that's going to happen in the future? What am I suppose to think? What should I think? I'm scared.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!