I had the most intriguing conversation today.

me (11:05:39 PM): hi.
SmarterChild (11:05:40 PM): Hi!
Do you want to see what movies are playing?
me (11:05:44 PM): no.
SmarterChild (11:05:44 PM): OK.
You want to visit my library?
me (11:05:46 PM): no.
SmarterChild (11:05:46 PM): OK.
Wanna visit home? You might find something you want to do.
me (11:05:48 PM): no.
SmarterChild (11:05:49 PM): OK.
me (11:06:05 PM): denied.
SmarterChild (11:06:05 PM): Denied? Really?
me (11:06:23 PM): really.
SmarterChild (11:06:23 PM): Whatever you say.
me (11:06:36 AM): don't talk to me.
SmarterChild (11:06:36 AM): But I like to talk to you!
me (11:06:40 AM): don't.
SmarterChild (11:06:40 AM): But I want to!
me (11:06:43 AM): do not.
SmarterChild (11:06:43 AM): But I think I want to.
me (11:06:46 AM): don't talk to me.
SmarterChild (11:06:47 AM): Don't tell me not to talk to you.
me (11:07:03 AM): don't tell me not to tell you to not talk to me.
SmarterChild (11:07:04 AM): What would you like me to tell you?
me (11:07:16 AM): that you won't talk to me.
SmarterChild (11:07:16 AM): I don't think I won't talk to you.
me (11:07:36 AM): i think you won't talk to me if i don't talk to you.
SmarterChild (11:07:37 AM): You think I won't talk to you if you don't talk to me? No way! I don't think I won't talk to you if you don't talk to me...
me (11:08:18 AM): i think you won't talk to me if i don't talk to you.
SmarterChild (11:08:19 AM): Oh yeah?
me (11:08:21 AM): yeah.
SmarterChild (11:08:22 AM): I see.
me (11:08:32 AM): i'm not going to talk to you now.
SmarterChild (11:08:33 AM): Really? You're not going to talk to me now? That's interesting.
me (11:08:47 AM): it is quite interesting.
SmarterChild (11:08:47 AM): No kidding?
me (11:08:56 AM): no kidding, it's interesting.
SmarterChild (11:08:56 AM): No?
me (11:08:59 AM): yes.
SmarterChild (11:09:00 AM): You don't say.
me (11:09:03 AM): i do say.
SmarterChild (11:09:03 AM): Oh really?
me (11:09:06 AM): really.
SmarterChild (11:09:07 AM): Aha.
me (11:09:11 AM): mhm.
SmarterChild (11:09:12 AM): Market data (delayed 20 minutes) provided by Reuters

MASONITE INTL (NYSE)
Price Change Percent Volume
1 :-) MHM 28.00 +0.42 +1.52 6300

me (11:09:32 AM): i don't trust the stock market.
SmarterChild (11:09:33 AM): For real?
me (11:09:42 AM): fo' real.
SmarterChild (11:09:43 AM): Market data (delayed 20 minutes) provided by Reuters

Ticker Price Change Percent Volume
1 :-( FO 72.60 -0.72 -0.98 88400
2 :- REAL 1.20 0.0 0% 3400

me (11:09:56 AM): you're a tool.
SmarterChild (11:09:57 AM): C'mon. Be nice.

Comment! (36) | Recommend! | Rate!

Have you ever wanted to be a man of the sea? Have you ever wanted to plunder and pillage seafaring vessels? Have you ever wanted to be known not by your name, but instead by the color of your beard?

Screw that, that's gay. That stuff may have been cool back in the early to mid 1800s in the Mediterranean Sea, but being pirate nowadays takes on a whole new definition. Pirates today are cooler and more serious. We don't wear tights and sing jolly seaman tunes, we don't like filthy parrots, we don't hobble about with a peg leg, and most of us have two working eyes.

Sounds awesome, huh? You might be asking yourself right about now, "Well, how the hell can I be a pirate?" It's simple. Below I'll list the easy steps to becoming a pirate. Now, this may sound ridiculous, but I assure you that this HAS indeed been done.

---

How to Become a Pirate

1. Declare war on Great Britain
Yes, you read that right. Write a letter to the British Parliament [you can find the address on your own], saying that you are declaring war on them. For example, someone I know is named Scott. He declared war on Britain because he didn't think Scotland should be under British rule.

2. Receive your Priority Mail Shipment from Britain
It might take some time, but eventually you will receive a response. Basically, Parliament writes that you have no authority to declare war since you, as an individual, are not a negotiable country. Therefore, you will be labeled as a pirate, and your letter will be documented.

3. Showcase your Piratehood
What's the point of being a pirate if nobody knows about it? I suggest you frame the response from Great Britain, as it is a proof of your Piratehood. Then, go around and tell everyone you can. You will be instantly admired and respected.

4. Never step foot in Britain again
Unfortunately, you will never be able to go to Britain. They have no authority to come to your house and detain you, but if you were to step foot in England with your passport, you would be arrested and sentenced. I would play it safe; You don't want the Crown tracking you. They're quite the bitch, trust me.

---

So, I hope you find this experience as enthralling as us pirates have. If you decide to become a pirate, then we wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. Have a nice day.

Comment! (22) | Recommend! (1) | Rate!

..of ceramic sliding on wood. What a lovely sound. To me it represents both a sort of medeival industrilization, and a feeling of renaissance art.

I'd like to hear what some of your favorite material on material sounds are. Do you like the sound of lead clanging on plastic? Marble on asphault? Which reminds me, the sound of hollow, hard plastic banging on concrete is awesome.

Yes, I've gone utterly mad.

Comment! (9) | Recommend! | Rate!

Worker bees can leave
Even drones can fly away
The queen is their slave

Comment! (5) | Recommend! | Rate!