Home | Join! | Help | Browse | Forums | NuWorld | NWF | PoPo   
:D :3 xD :) D: :P ;)

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones
Slowpoke
Tuesday. 11.10.09 9:55 pm
"When I was faster, I was always behind"

I love that song. For anyone who doesn't know it, its by Neil Young, called Slowpoke. Look it up.

Its just a good song. And it just makes me think of how you just go, and go and go but you're only spinning your wheels. Not actually getting anywhere. I feel like that a lot. Like, I just keep trying so hard, but really I'm just getting nowhere fast. I like to listen to it when I feel that way.

Buh, moving on. Things have gotten better since last post. My car got fixed. Turned out it was the starter, and we just had to get it replaced. And the whole school situation. I'm really just going to say "fuck it" and transfer any how. I mean, who are they to tell me I can't transfer? Seriously? It's my money and my life. I can do whatever the hell I want to do. I just got worked up over nothing. However there are also some serious issues that I do have to work through, but I don't want to complicate this post and whatever, with my problems right now.

I just wanted to clear the air that, yes, things are better and there are way worse things that could have happened to me.

:)

Keep on keepin' on.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

One of those days...
Tuesday. 11.10.09 2:45 pm
Yeah, it's been "one of those days" for me.
pretty much, its been one of those days every day this year. But, who's counting?

Today was, in plainest terms, sick. Overcast and at the brink of flooding because of all the ridiculous amounts of rain (pretty sure it's because of the hurricane, and we're just getting the tail end of the storm).
So, lets backtrack. Like, last week, my dad's truck decided it was going to breakdown. Awesome. Now my dad drives my mom's car to work, and Mondays and Wednesdays I take my mom to school early, come back home and get ready then go to school, get out, then have to go back to pick her up. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my mom drives me because she doesn't have school and wants a car. Cool, I'd like to have my car, but whatev. I'm not driving while I'm in school. Today, of all days (a nice, cold wet one at that) MY car is like "Fuck this shit" and the starter dies.

OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY? We JUST replaced the water pump, not to mention we just got this car this past July (its a 99 chevy malibu). And yesterday, I don't even want to talk about yesterday. But I did end up figuring that I'm pretty sure my adviser was completely wrong. At least, that's what I'm hoping.

Also, to top all that off (as if it wasn't AWESOME enough) I found out that I had a lovely Ethics test today, that almost all of us knew nothing about. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC, right? Right.

However, my dad and I had a good talk while we were going to pick up my car (it is running again!) about how life really deals you some shitty hands, but you just have to look at it and smile, because if you don't you'll probably end up doing something stupid. Especially stuff like this. My car needing a new starter is not going to affect me in 10 years. Things can always get worse, and this by far was not the worst day of my life. The conditions just were not right for everything to go wrong today, but at least I'm alive, I have a loving and understanding family. I have a roof over my head and I'm not out in the cold and the rain. Sometimes that's all you can ask for, and I'm glad I have it.

I hope everyone's day wasn't as insane as mine has been ^.^

Keep on keepin' on.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

I am
Monday. 11.9.09 1:52 pm
jack's raging bile duct.

Okay, my name isn't jack. But I might as well be. I am so furious, livid, pissed, angry, upset, depressed and UGH! I just don't know what to do with myself right now. I'm at a loss of everything at the moment.

But, what is the matter you may ask? Let me enlighten you.

I did very poorly throughout high school. Barely scraping by, if you will. By that act of negligence, I pretty much screwed myself over on getting into any college except the Tech college here in town. So, I took a year off of school to dick around and decided it was time to go back to school at the beginning of this school year. "Awesome, this will be a change of pace which will benefit me. By this time next year I'll be down at !"
At least, that was the lie I was fed at the beginning of this year by the adviser that signed me up for my classes. How very, very wrong was I to think that I would be in a decent school that I love in one year's time.
I go to register for classes for next semester and actually learned that, to get the full 30 hours needed to transfer I will have to be at tech until the spring semester in 2011.
Oh. Hell. No.
I hate it there. Nothing personally against the school because, for a certain type of person, it is a great school. It feels like high school to me still. I feel like I'm still stuck in the same rut I had been all throughout high school which is not good. Nothing about this place benefits me in the least bit. I'm not motivated, it is not the atmosphere I work best in, this school is just ALL WRONG for me.
However, I did kind of get myself into this mess. I was so stupid to not take the placement test offered before I signed up for classes because I could have possibly scored into a higher math, therefore letting me be able to transfer at the very latest, spring semester in 2011.
I just, I have no idea what to do. Things are only going to go downhill if I stay here. I am so COMPLETELY unhappy being here and going to that school. I haven't been this upset in a long time and it really scares me.

I just don't know what to do.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

There Is
Monday. 11.9.09 9:27 am
I stayed home this morning from my math class to finish writing my essay. The requirement was at least 400 words. I kind of went above and beyond by writing 747 words :P

Good thing it was on a subject that I know I can write well on. It was a cause and effect essay, and one of the choices was to write about a positive impact in your life. I, naturally, wrote about band because it's be the only constant in my life for 9 years. Yay for playing the clarinet! :D

Anyhow, I'm thinking of just going to this Composition class late to turn it it. I have to register for classes today, as well. Which, I'm pretty sure I'll be signing up for another math, probably an english 101 class and perhaps Biology 101 and maybe Psychology for my social credit? Buh, I honestly have no idea what to do. Good thing other people do, right? Hahaha, oh well. I'm just ready for Thanksgiving, then Christmas break. Doing the same thing all the time wears me out. I'm the kind of person that doesn't really like routine things. Probably because I'm not an organized person? I just tend to follow my gut and heart, rather than reason.

Buh. This is just me rambling, and not knowing what is coming out of my fingertips. I'm sure none of this is making sense.

You know I've recently realized? I'm 19. This is my last year as a teenager.
Woah.
When the hell did this happen? I feel like just the other day I was 10 years old playing baseball in the backyard with my dad, swimming and riding my bike around. Doing everything and nothing at the same time. When the hell did I grow up? I guess I really haven't? I mean yes, in some aspects I have. You know, physically, and mentally for the most part. I don't even have a full year left as a teenager, only 7 more months. Then I'll be 20. This is so weird. I remember laying in bed as a kid and thinking "I wonder what it's going to be like when I'm 13? 16? 18?"
This is just scary. I kind of just want to go back and re-do everything real quick before I finally hit my 20's. It just seems surreal. However, I am very much looking forward to the day that I do move out of this house and can finally "be on my own." Technically I should have done that last year, and I really should be a sophomore in college, if I had gone straight to college that is. But my grades were way too terrible, and my mentality was just not in the right state of mind to go to college. I probably would have failed out.
But I'm still just shocked that I'm this old.
It's a different feeling.
Things aren't the same, and they're only going to keep changing from here on in.
Bring it on.


Question, what has been the one constant in your life thus far, if any?

Keep on keepin' on!

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

Oh, boredom.
Sunday. 11.8.09 11:46 pm
Listening to: Touch Of Grey - The Grateful Dead


I should probably be going to sleep, or something productive. You know, like doing my final draft of that essay that is due tomorrow? Yeah, I'll probably just do it in the morning before I go to school.
I'm probably the worlds biggest procrastinator. I'm not terribly organized in the least bit and my memory is just not up to par. But, I still get stuck in the same routine of doing things at the VERY last minute. Even second. Whatever. I just, I don't know. I really do try hard, but this college feels like high school to me, and well. Let's face it. I barely made it out of there. Since it feels like high school to me, I'm stuck in this perpetual rut of never getting things done, and half-assing everything. On the bright side, I'm doing really well in all of my classes, haha. I'm almost positive I have nothing lower than a B in every single class. So, GO ME! This is like, a first in Emily history. This is going down in history.
Look at me, sitting here on the computer, obsessively writing blogs and listening to music like I have nothing better to do.
Well, I don't. But I do have things that I really should do, but in all actually won't.

Not to mention this terrible insomnia that I have, which my mom refuses to believe I have.
I.
Beg.
To.
Differ.

She says its caffeine. Pfft, yeah right. I really don't drink that much, if any in a day. It's a pain in my ass. I try not to drink so much coffee in the mornings because I don't want to be dependent on it to get through a day. Not cool. But, I do enjoy coffee ^.^

So, now I have no idea what I'm rambling on and on about so it is usually a good idea to just stop here.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

Sometimes I get so frustraited
Sunday. 11.8.09 8:37 pm
that I can't even think. Have you ever felt like that? It pretty much only happens when I'm at home with my mom. My dad doesn't frustrate me, he'll just piss me off and I feel like I have a strong grasp on that emotion. But frustration is all together a different beast for me to tackle. Its a mix of almost repressed anger, and pitty for me. The only time I get like this is with my mother. My mother, for lack of better phrasing, likes to drink. I'm not talking sloppy drunk (although she *has* been that way, its just not an all the time thing) but just like, buzzed enough to make her say and do stupid things. I have a lot of feelings about my mother, all of which I hate talking about, and even thinking about. But, I'm just going to face them head on as I go. I feel like I'm the offspring of Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. There is a set time where you can notably tell a change in her demeanor. It's 6pm almost exactly on the dot anymore. My dad notices it too. We've gotten to the point of screaming matches many a time, and she's gone as far as to kick me out of the house, while not remembering she did so the next day. The one instance in my life that will always stick out the most is, I was probably 9 or 10. We were at my parent's friend's party one night. My mom and I were sitting around a bonfire and she decided she was going to get up to get another drink. I think nothing of it, but she slowly gets up, and almost falls into the fire, but I pulled her back just in time. I know it doesn't sound so big, but I feel like I've always been taking care of her when she's had too much to drink. She's even been so inconsiderate as to leave when getting pissed at my dad and not have the decency to tell us where she is. I'm thinking that she's out driving around or something and flipping my shit. I just kept thinking about how if she's driving, she's going to kill someone, or herself. She is the reason I'm not too big on drinking and probably never will be. I don't mind it, I just don't like the effect it has on people. Every party I'm at people refer to me as the "mother" because I'm constantly going around to people to make sure that they are okay. I just feel the burden of my mother, even when I'm with friends.
I just really don't know how to go about this in a healthy way anymore. I pretty much just make sure I'm not home, and if I am I'm in the computer room listening to music because I don't want to hear her.

It feels a little better to get this off my chest, and I probably sound like I'm just whining, and I'm sorry if it comes off that way. But, I don't know what else to do, but to not bottle it up anymore.

Buh.

Keep on keepin' on.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

NuTang is the first web site to implement PPGY Technology. This page was generated in 0.005seconds.

  Send to a friend on AIM | Set as Homepage | Bookmark Home | NuTang Collage | Terms of Service & Privacy Policy | Link to Us | Monthly Top 10s
All content � Copyright 2003-2047 NuTang.com and respective members. Contact us at NuTang[AT]gmail.com.