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whats in a name? u know u wanna Subscribe to this to blog if you would like to be emailed whenever it is updated. babies Can I get A hug? How pissy am I?  Today the Internet feelz.... All about me!
Mmk this is all about me~smilez~ 1.....2.....3.....4..... Tinkerbell
http://www.tinkerbellstreasures.fabpage.com
| *~boys and there trucks~* Wednesday. 10.6.04 12:00 am A most bright color for a most shitty day!lol....first I tossed and turned all night hoping that Josherz was okay. Then Auntie tried to get me up around 8 this morning and I dont even member telling her ok. She said I did though~thnkz~I still dont know about that one. Then I got up around 1130 which is pretty latse for me here lately. Then I layed about till around 130 when josherz stopped by with his buddy Jeff and a new truck! So can you guess why he didn't come back yesterday?!?!?because he got tied up in paper work for the truck! why couldn't he give me a call(only like 3 secondz)because he was so damn busy with paperwork and he had time to eat and all but not cll me and let me know he was ok and not in jail gerrrfuckiness!!!!!I was so pissed u have no idea. Then he kept tryng to kiss on me or sit next to me or look me in the eyes and I wouldn't do it i kept blocking him or moving and he got mad.Then he said he would be back at 5 since auntie wouldnt be at the house and I said "ok see you tomorrow."and he was like"no ill be back at 5"and I said "k ill see u tomorrow" and he stopped and turned around and said"with that attitude i might just not come back.".....**pissed off meter(===========)that is whne i spit out"fuck you then dont fuckin come back!"from there all I member is crying because i was o mad and having auntie tell me not to do anything stupid....but he did end up coming back and I ignored him for the longest time and then he convinced me to go to walmart with him and we talked.I guess things are better. Its so complicated actually having him here and all and he was being such an ass about things and he knew it. ~sighs~Love is one complicated fuckin emotion and Im still learning crap. I thought I knew a lot but I didnt know half of it. But Im pretty good at it just cant let my bitchiness get in the way lol.well **lata Comment! (0) | Recommend! ~~**....**~~ Tuesday. 10.5.04 12:01 am "Time To Burn"
Fear of the dark tears me apart
won't leave me alone and time keeps running out
Just one more life, I'm so sick and tired
of singing the blues, I should turn my life around
[Chorus:]
Tell me why do I feel this way
all my life I`ve been standing on the borderline
too many bridges burned
too many lies I've heard
I had life but I can't go back
I can't do that, it will never be the same again
and I know I don't
have any time to burn
they follow me home, disturbing my sleep
but I'll find a place, place where they cannot find me
maybe I'm lost, and maybe I'm scared
but too many times I've closed the doors behind me
[Chorus]
leave it all behind
cross the borderline
face the truth, don't have any time to...
don't have any time to burn
[Chorus]
**....I dont exactly know what or where Im going with this journal entry....some of you may understand some of it..and others will just not even try...I feel like there is a war going on within me fightin with myself about everything I think I have ever known. I have fallen head over heels in love with josherz theres no doubt about that...but then I have these feelings for others that are so binding and im unable to let go of them. I dont know why I cant. I should be able to since Im content with josh. I know he loves me and I him. I am just so damn caring and thats my entire problem. I care so damn much about the people in my lives that even though they hurt me and treat me like shit I always stick with them. I wont leave a person alone. It's just not in me. And they all know it. Im not a very open person and yet I am to some people. they can read me like an open book and it pisses me off so much because then Im left open to be hurt like always. Thats so not fair to me. Then IM left to deal with all the pain alone. And I can't do it most of the time. I feel like I have no one to turn to, and yet I have everyone. I don't know why the hell I feel that way either. And most of the time no one can make me think otherwise. The one person that can make me think otherwise has hurt me the most, and yet I still let her heal me. Because she knows how to, I let her know every part of me Inside and out. But knowing how to heal me means that she also knows how to hurt me. I dont blame her for being herself. She is who she is and I love her just like that. Nothing could ever change that feeling. In case you didnt know, Im really bad at pushing people out of my life. I just cant do it. I care too much and feel to much.Theres a quote that completely describes me...."If there were no words, no way to speak, I would still hear you. If there were no tears no way to feel inside, I'd still feel for you". I feel for everyone I guess im just doomed to feel pain for everyone and to heal . I guess its a blessing in disguise because I have so many people whom I care about and care about me.I dont know Im just kind of in a wierd mood right now.
MMk terr....Im happy that your with ur new girl and I never meant to come off like I did. I have just been through a really shitty weekend except for when I was with Josh. He makes me happy and I have been failing to see that. But when u started acting all distant and just plain being an asshole it hurt me. And IM not going to lie to you, yes I care for you. We have so much In common its so wierd. It is only once in a lifetime u can meet someone like you and you me....I prolly shouldnt have taken things so far into my emotions though and neither should you because it just got us both hurt. But the only way to remedy love is to love more. So *lovez*babe.....you'll always be my terr-berr(yes I finally came up wity one)**lata
"Send The Pain Below"
I liked having hurt,
So send the pain below where I need it,
You used to beg me to take care of things,
And smile at the thought of me failing.
But long before, having hurt,
I'd send the pain below,
I'd send the pain below.
Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating,
(I'd send the pain below...)
Much like suffocating,
(I'd send the pain below...)
You used to run me away,
All while laughing.
Then cry about the fact,
'til I returned.
But long before, having hurt,
I'd send the pain below,
I'd send the pain below.
Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating,
(I'd send the pain below...)
Much like suffocating,
(I'd send the pain below...)
Much like suffocating.
I can't feel my chest,
Need more, drop down,
Closing in.
I can't feel my chest,
Drop down.
I liked, having hurt.
So send the pain below,
So send the pain below,
(Much like suffocating) [I liked]
So send the pain below,
(Much like suffocating) [Having hurt]
So send the pain below,
(Much like suffocating)
So send the pain below,
(Much like suffocating)
So send the pain below.
Comment! (3) | Recommend! boyz suck Thursday. 9.30.04 4:09 pm boys suck....and yall know u suck....my boy just gets back from a job thing not being able to talk or see eachother since sunday and he calls...says like a total of maybe 25 wordz....what the hell?...I fuckin hurt myself for him because i miss him so damn much and i love him so damn much...and then he pullz this shit on me!!!what the hell am i supposed to do now? All I wanna do is cry but i am so pissed off I cant cry....everything suckz! Comment! (2) | Recommend! ~*bleeding*~ Tuesday. 9.28.04 9:58 pm it seems only fitting that I use red as the color for this entry as i sit here with my bleeding wrists wondering what else I can do to be rid of everything....including myself. why u must be wondering....well i dont have an answer for that...i just know everyone would be so much better off with out me....and dont tell me thats not true....im the worlds biggest dumbass and everyone would be relieved to rid of me...wouldnt have to worry about my issues any longer and try and help jewlz..... Comment! (4) | Recommend! ... Tuesday. 9.28.04 9:45 pm Comment! (1) | Recommend! ~*Bad girl bad girl....what ya gonna do*~ Sunday. 9.26.04 9:23 am watching: the keys on the keyboard
listening to: the outside soundz(literally)
mood: tired
Hell yeah baby!!!Im a bad girl lol...well no not really...just got pulled over last ngiht. Well actually Josherz did and only cause the car hasn't been tagged or insured yet cause hes had no time. But o well just made the ending to the night so exciting lol.
So yeah he wont be here for like forever it seemz...wAaAAaaaa!!!!!gerrnesss. We spent a lot of time together last ngiht though and throughout the day. We found some ringz for us. They had a really good deal it was a his/hers bridal set and its silver~woot woot~and they only want $80!!Thats is like hella good compared to some other prices...for just my ring lol.
We went to the Drive-In last ngiht and watched Withought A Paddleand Resident Evil 2. We didn't stay for all of the res2 movie though. I wasn't really into it. I was umm~ahem~into other thingz tee hee. So we left and went and "chilled"at his house till about 1am. Then we get pulled over talk about a "climax"lmao....O my Im making myself laugh....is that good?~lookz around~....hmm didn't think so. Anyways**lata Comment! (0) | Recommend! |
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