So here's my current dilemma.

I am out of cigarettes.

I have no money to get more cigarettes.

I have no way of getting money to get more cigarettes.

This will be troublesome.

You see, I already know that in about one hour I will be nic fitting like crazy. And I know what you're thinking "now's the perfect time to quit! haha!"

Nope, not gonna happen.

A) I'm not ready.
B) I need to get money, so I need to get a decent paying job.

And I know as soon as I get money, I'm gonna get a pack of cigarettes, because I still enjoy smoking them. And am clearly not ready to quit.

Oh and to top it off... it's been 15 minutes since my last cigarette and I'm already losing my bloody mind.... here's why.

I'm watching Bubble Boy... and ACTUALLY ENJOYING IT. That damn Jake Gyllenhaal....

Love,
Chris

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WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO okay so here we go, I'm not gonna make mention of how great or sucky life is, because it's at a balance nowadays... here's why.

Still don't have financial aid, that sucks...
Do have a job, if you want the Intelligencer every day. I'm your guy.
I don't have a girlfriend... I'M LOOKING, LADIES!
I don't have a band.
I am SHITHOUSED right now, because my best friend Dave was all "hey, let's get shitfaced tonight..." and we did.
I still have impeccable dunk typing skills.


Everything all of the sudden got bordered to the right, I don't care.

Point is, I'm happy right now. I have a job where I make my own hours, and I actually earn what I put into it... that's all I needed, folks.

Although, as aforementioned.. I am on the market for a girlfriend... it's gonna be tough in this high school town to find somebody I'm actually interested in, but oh well. I'm there, haha.

Anyway, drunk rambling complete... PEACE!

Love,
Chris

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Yes, I'm gonna call it a mailbag, because I need to respond to these comments that I've recieved. By the way, thank you to the three folks who got a chance to comment before I so rudely interrupted the NuTang community.

Let me start off by saying, thank you. I do appreciate the comments,

dont think that.. take it all as a test... it obviously makes life challenging.. maybe too challenging for our liking.. but trust me ur not alone.. im quite in the shits myself atm.. but we must persevere!! sorry i obviously cant do much for u, but to prove ur mental god wrong by commenting and give u moral support!!
» ruiyan on 2007-01-05 05:47:23

Yeah, it makes life challenging, and perservering is all we can do at this point. Thank you for the moral support, greatly appreciated.

lol
Trust me, it's raining down on more people than just you.
And don't call yourself a fuck up or anything to that effect. You're at least trying.
Also, I'm without financial aid this semester, as well. It can be done, I assure you.
And lastly, read the book of Job from the bible. You'll see we're not the only ones who suffer in this world.
» elessar257 on 2007-01-05 09:43:48

Yeah, it is raining down on more people than me, much worse than it is on me, Hell, I could be in the Sudan sitting in a tent hoping those footsteps outside are friendly, but due to the noises that preceeded them, having a funny feeling that they're not so friendly. However, I did need to be able to put my life in perspective, and I thank you for that. I have read Job... several times as I have read the Bible front to back on two seperate occasions (I know, I know, I'm a Jew... but ya gotta know for yourself what's right for you... and screw you doubters, Job is included in the Tanakh)... and yeah, I'm definitely not losing my faith... and despite what I said yesterday, I still prayed, because that's how I roll.

what he said.
Job is hardcore. HARDCORE.

and it's true. It's all over the f'ing place. Honestly. I myself got suspended from school and had to wobble on home so I can try and get a grip on things. I'm also going to be going to a threapist....I just need to find one - and I can't procastinate on that...for my own sake. Good luck to you - I'd like very much to know how you're doing - so keep on updating.

p.s. your entry...was rather funny, and for that you get a smile.
:)
» Helena on 2007-01-05 08:52:55

Thank you kindly. Woot on going to see a shrink, eh? Definitely don't procrastinate on that... I was lucky enough that my insurance company sent me a list of folks I could go to and get three sessions for free. So that's good. But I will keep updating as much as possible. And let me know how you're doing too.


Anyway, keep the comments coming, folks. I enjoy getting feedback on both my misery and happiness.

Love,
Chris

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Yes, you read that subject line right. God reads my journal, and uses it to gauge my happiness so he can rip it to shreds.

For instance, my last entry was very happy ... so let's break it down as to how God used it against me... TODAY. My entry is in bold, God's words whilst reading it are italicized.

that's right... I'm alive... cry later. yeah too bad you're gonna wish you were dead in about 6 hours.

Anyway... new years, irish carbombs, Gerald Ford, blah blah blah the real point is ...

L I B E R A T I O N!!!!!

I no longer work for the Cocaine industry which is fantastic but a shame at the same time... because I'm currently unemployed... and nobody's hiring, woooooohoooooo! Good luck LIVING without money, numbnuts but let's look past that and at the good things upcoming in 2007.

I finally got an e-mail from a band that saw my posting on Craig's List... sweet.
Funny, you guys were e-mailing back and forth at least 3 times a day for a couple of days... where'd they go? Uh-oh, Chris, you must've fucked up, you fuck up.
I am taking four easy ass classes at Bucks next semester not so fast, buck-o. You're going to not be able to get financial aid for next semester, despite what you were told yesterday, it's a little thing I like to do called making liars out of people... (which is why I'm up at 4:30 AM, because I am NOT going to sleep just to wake up at 8 to trek out to Newtown) Yeah, and you're gonna be sleep deprived, too... man, that's going to be awesome when you don't even get those classes...

Annnnd other stuff, I'm just not feeling very bloggy at the moment, but I promise you all, there will be updates... sooo you can start commenting again... Nobody will comment, HA!

Second point of this. I'm back, bitches... be afraid... be VERY afraid... Yeah... THEY should be afraid... annnnnnnnnnd your life is in shambles now... woo, I'm gonna go get an appletini.

Love,
Chris

Yes that's right. I can't get financial aid for next year because I apparantly did a piss poor job on my FOUR ONLINE COURSES. Four online courses for which I got all the work in, and did EVERYTHING for. Even when I had to double up on acting class late in the semester just to get what would be my one passing grade (B+).

So, once again, it's raining shit on Chris Dorman. Turns out nothing will in fact ever love me, and all of my dreams mean nothing.

Going back to Millersville in the fall? Not fucking happening, because I won't be able to get financial aid there either.

Getting the fuck out of Doylestown? Not fucking happening, because apparantly it's a great idea to keep me the fuck in this miserable center of everything I despise in this world. That will keep me in good mental health.

Oh and speaking of good mental health -- why did I use the word KEEP there? Because now I am calling a shrink tomorrow to go and find out what has been so wrong with me the past almost fucking year.

It's almost impossible to describe what it feels like for a perfectionist to be removed from their track. Getting the boot at Millersville was slightly startling to me, but now finding out that my new track, the one I had built to fix the flaws of the old track.. yeah that's just not gonna be able to go into operation, because some giant invisible guy is emptying the shit buckets from the heavens... funny how it's all landing in one place EVERY TIME.

Anyway, I'm gonna go fucking sleep now. And tomorrow the job search starts. Annnnnnd fuck.

Spiteful love,
Chris

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that's right... I'm alive... cry later.

Anyway... new years, irish carbombs, Gerald Ford, blah blah blah the real point is ...

L I B E R A T I O N!!!!!

I no longer work for the Cocaine industry which is fantastic but a shame at the same time... because I'm currently unemployed... but let's look past that and at the good things upcoming in 2007.

I finally got an e-mail from a band that saw my posting on Craig's List... sweet.

I am taking four easy ass classes at Bucks next semester (which is why I'm up at 4:30 AM, because I am NOT going to sleep just to wake up at 8 to trek out to Newtown)

Annnnd other stuff, I'm just not feeling very bloggy at the moment, but I promise you all, there will be updates... sooo you can start commenting again...

Second point of this. I'm back, bitches... be afraid... be VERY afraid...

Love,
Chris

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Nothing yet from Craigslist.

Damn it.

Anyway, here's some of my weekend.

Friday wasn't much of a big deal, got to Massachusetts, went to Methuen to check into the hotel, then visited my grandmother. Stayed there for a while, then went to my brother's place to see him, his wife, Scrappy the pitbull, and of course the children. Good times abound.

Saturday, possibly the climax of the weekend, went back to my Meme's (my grandma, crazies) and then the whole damn family showed up. Which pretty much means:

My millionaire cousin, Eric.
My Uncle Jim
My Uncle Mac
My Uncle Mike
My Aunt Becky
My Aunt Sheila
My cousins Dawn Marie and Tammy with their kids
My cousin Clint who I haven't seen in TEN YEARS due to... well prison. Yes, the Dormans cover the entire spectrum, from millionaires to parolees.

It was really cool because my dad and all of his siblings were in the same room for the first time in a long time.

And Eric. Don't get me started on Eric. He is absolutely hysterical, he hasn't seen me in two years, walks in and says "you're drinking a beer?! holy shit....... that means there's beer though, right?" He is just hysterical, I went outside to make a phone call and halfway through it he calls from inside the house, drunk, and says "what are you doing... come back in... HANG UP ON YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND COME IN!"

Forty-one years old, and still rocking, Eric Dorman, ladies and gentlemen.

Anyway, went to Bobby's again later that night, ate dinner there. Fantastic stuff.

Sunday, the main event, the Baptism of Jesse Frietas Dorman. I rocked the house as Godfather, didn't drop the candle like my lousy brother did at Daniel's baptism. And that went well. It felt like I was finally getting rid of my Catholicism, and transferring it to the kid. So that was nice.

The meal afterward wasn't all that bad, great food, somewhat shoddy service, I mean what Godfather anywhere has had to wait 45 minutes for a diet coke?

Anyway, we went to Meme's one more time after that said bye to her, then stopped by Bobby's again to say bye to them and the kids, and of course the pitbull. So that was fun too.

Monday, we drove back. After a couple hours in Delaware I drove back to PA... and missed my exit to get on the Blue Route... ended up in Center City, Philly making a b-line for Billy Penn's ballsack... which SUCKED .. I don't wanna talk about the drive.

Annnnnd fin.

Love,
Chris

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