Every time I open my mouth, someone is offended or pissed off by whatever I say. Whether I'm being sarcastic or serious, it doesn't matter. So I found it usually better to just not say anything.

I'm glad that my mom found someone she can be happy with, but I don't like it because I can never do right when that happens. She always chooses him over me.

Whenever I want to do something with only ma, she gets upset and wants to know why I don't want to do anything with him. Whenever I do anything with him, something always happens or is always said that comes out wrong and it offends him. I can't win either way. No matter what I do.

I should have never left Tucson. I'm already an inconvenience to this family simply by living in the same house. I was better off on my own. At least then I could be upset whenever I wanted and no one would know. I wouldn't have to worry about saying anything wrong.

I hate life sometimes. It deals really fucked up hands.

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So there's this guy at work. His name is Stephen. No, I'm not crushing on him too; he's engaged and I heard that he's not got the best personality. He seems nice enough, but I don't really know him.

Anywho, he works for this talent agency. A place that casts extras for movies, does modeling and something else that has to do with the lot. Stephen approached me a few days ago asking what I did in my free time. I immediately thought he was going to ask me out or something and I was prepared to say no. But instead he asked if I'd heard of Julia Styles. I said yes, because I like her in the movie 10 Things I Hate About You. He then caught me even more off guard when he told me I have her smile.

I drew a complete blank. I've never gotten such a compliment, I didn't know what to say. When I found my voice a few seconds later, I hesitantly said thank you and gave him a questioning look as to what the hell this has to do with what I do in my free time.

He then proceeded to explain the agnecy he works for and asked if I'd be interested in meeting with an agent. I laughed because I know those things are all dealing with cameras. I hate cameras. With a deep, great passion. I'm okay if I'm the one taking the pictures, but if I have to be in the picture, I pass.

After a few minutes of badgering, I finally agreed and gave him my number. He wrote it in this little notebook and I forgot about it ... till today.

My phone rings, I see a number I don't recognize and assume it's yet another wrong number. I answer and the woman asks for me. This confuses me until she explains who she is and where she got my number from. She asked if I could go in on Saturday, but I'm working all day Saturday. I tell her that my next day off isn't until next Thursday so I now have an appointment at a talent agency for next Thursday afternoon.

I can't believe I'm going to be doing this, but if I can be cast as an extra in movies, that would be extra cash in my pocket and I'd get to possibly meet some celebities. Which would be cool. So I'm, reluctantly, going to give it a chance. If I have to wear a dress ... I guess it depends on how much money they're going to pay me. I'm sure I'll have to pay something for them to take head shots and whatnot. As long as it's not too much; I can't really afford to pay for something and not get anything back in return. I'm okay with dressing nice, but I don't do dresses.

Ugh. I guess I'll just have to see how it goes.

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Mike Super =
a) the winner of Phenomenon and
b) my new favorite celebrity crush.

Now I just have to find out a place that says his birthday or at least how old he is so that I know how crazy I am to like someone his age. Lqtm. Unless he's no more than 10 years older than me ... then I'll be good.

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I am the 5th wheel in my own family. My sister has a boyfriend. My mom is now seeing someone.

I? have no one.

How lame.

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I was going to make this annymous, but since most of you don't know who I am, it's pretty much annymous anyway.

~ I still love the one who hurt me. I want to see him, but at the same time I don't. I keep waiting for him to find me, but I know he won't.

~ I used to cut because it was the only way for me to feel release from the pain I felt. It channeled it to something I could control. I gave in once since I stopped cutting 3 years ago. I wish it were still that easy to control the pain I feel.

~ Whenever my ex cried, I would smile because it meant that I wasn't the only one who felt pain. I wasn't the only one who felt emotion.

~ I have a lot of self control, but once I give in, I have trouble stopping. It doesn't matter what it is either. Sex, drinking, lying. Once I start, I have a lot of trouble stopping.

~ I get tattoos and piercings because it's a way of inflicting pain without being criticized or questioned about my mental stability.

~ Sometimes I feel happy when one of my friends is dealing with shit because it means I'm not the only one who suffers.

~ I get jealous when I hear someone is happy and living a good life.

~ A majority of the time when I'm upset and crying, I have no idea why.

~ I had sex with my boss {at my first job} because I couldn't stop dreaming about him. No other reason.

~ I wish that I had someone to talk to; someone to complain about my problems to, but I feel like I'm complaining too much when I do start talking about them. I also feel like no one cares.

~ After my falling out with a friend, I had sex with his best friend who was still dating someone. I've only told one person. Sometimes I wonder how he would have reacted if I had told him about sleeping with his best friend.

Alright, that's it for now. I have a lot more, but I can't think of them right now. I'll add to the list as I think of them.

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So ... pretty much, I'm in love with these two actors right now. Actually its three, but one is more commonly known than the other two.

First guy: Zachary Levi He's so cute! I'm in love with his eyes and his smile. He plays Chuck on the NBC show Chuck. I just can't help but smile whenever I see him on TV. And I love the show too.

Second guy: Damien Lewis He's not obviously attractive, but as the lead guy in Life, he's pretty darn sexy. I love the way he portrays his character. I'm not sure exactly what it is that attracts me to him, but there's something. . .

Third guy: Seth Green. Everyone knows who he is. He's played countless characters in many movies and television shows. Lately, I've been really into him. I'm not really sure what it was that started my new celebrity crush, but I've been all about watching things that have him in it. I love that he's short. He's only an inch taller than me {according to IMDB.} He's also hilarious in his characters.

Ugh. I really want to meet one of these guys. Actually, I want to meet all of them, but I'm very sure that its not going to happen. One can dream though.

There are many actors that I would love to meet, but the odds of me getting together with Stuart and end up marrying him are higher than me meeting all of the actors I want to meet.

That would be bliss. But like I said, one can dream ...

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