I wonder whether it's the same time last year im going thru some pretty shitty stuffs, or times are really difficult these days, OR its just the time for the month.For my own record, i dont really suffer from pms.

Somtimes before i start seeing daniel wu in my dreams, i try hard to recall my past, whether i've been held hostage by them. i dont think so though, i do have stuffs i'll just wish to keep them lock in my closet, but im not someone who's haunted by them.Okay back on trying my very best to archive my history. I seriously couldnt remember hurting anyone really bad, did anything out of pure evil, or indirectly cause harm to someone in order to benefit my own.

So why is that im now trying hard to think of the last person who sms me, the last meeting with my bunch of friends,the last call from a dear friend, and the last time i feel like i belong...
As much as i hate to admit it, i do understand how my friend who tried to kill himself feels, though i pretend not to.The only difference between us is he cries for help, and i dont.

Anyway ive been wanting to watch Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence which is the closing film for Singapore Film Fest, any takers?

goodnight pammy.lets hope tml will be a great day : )

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Been watching movies throughout the whole week.My best movie of the week is not from the cinema though, caught Formula 17 and Bishonen.I gotta thank my sis's fren for smuggling it into sg! Both movies got into Cannes Film Festival and Toronto Film festival, with Bishonen directed by yofan who's a well known for his art-house films.Anyway i can go on and on abt the two movies...also caught choir boys on vcd and pacifier in the cine.
Met hansel and kejingy yesterday, movies in town, and ice lychee in RV.Hoho!
Shopping today at bugis, fell in love with Liver stuffs, mum and sis got a new haircut @ Chapter2.Basically thats abt it.

Gonna catch another movie directed by stephen fung.I can really see myself turning into a groupie for film makers.Whaaa!

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And there goes the last week of march.I've never been out of the house ever since i step in on friday evening, its okay, im fine with it.lol.serious.

Watched Constantine ::keanu reeves::, House of the Dead::i'll be dead when finish watching this movie, it sucks big time::, Interview with the vampire ::tom cruise&brad pitt::, and this movie by Takeshi just now.

Anyway i'll be a different person on tue.hello mango.hello sakae.hello lido.hello mphosis.hello phuture.hello long island.hello orchard!

no free rides anymore for me tml.so nite guys.goona turn in early.

good luck!

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It's been exactly once week since i log online.

I've got 2 wisdom tooth growing out on the left and i got these sudden urge of grabbing milo's bone and chew myself.But i guess the painkillers are working, ive been in a groggy transmission,slept for 4 hrs straight, and i also get to chomp thru a bowl of noodles without pausing after every 2 bites.

I dont enjoy working overtime.I dont enjoy being stuck in the office for endless hours.But i feel lost when im out of it.Not being at work just further emphasize how a loner i am.I dont blame anyone cuz i've choosen to be one.Im duper sick and tired of thinking you've got a friend, someone, only to end up have them disappearing or turn into strangers.

Is it so hard to maintain a relationship with someone? May it be between friends, collegues, cousins or 'someone new'. It never seems so hard when im younger.Everyone has this wall built between them and the outside world, and i can see myself stacking the bricks on my wall.Its not that im suffering from any inferior complexity, or the world is getting uglier, although it did seems uglier the older i get.We learn with time, i learn there are people who are just like that! i learn to accept the imperfections, i learn to say the right things in different situations, i learn to not say anything during wrong situations, i learn to speak up when i think it's nescessary, i learn to deal with people.But why are my walls getting stronger as well too?

I cant explain the times i'll just stop talking during a conversation, afraid that if i asked too much or said too much i might find out something i dont want to know.I dont want to know her love interest, i dont want to know she's having problems with her family, i dont want to know hes feeling lonely, i dont want to know he needs help with his love life, i dont want to know the she's having a difficult time getting a loan, i dont want to know that he needs a listening ear after a fight with the gf, i dont even want to know whether he try to kill himself.I just dont want to get closer. Very selfish isnt it.
But i guess it's better for them to know i know nothing then to know and not do anything.

I did get my share of retribution.There are some people im very keen of having a nice hangout with,people i think are worth of me stepping out of my wall, but i suppose either they dont feel the way i feel about them, having great walls themselves too or they are just really busy like they mentioned.I shld expect that since its what im giving to the society hahaha.

Like my cousin.I miss hanging out with her.She's someone different, which is what i really need, but sadly our relationship needs maintainence.For someone like me who works more than i sleep.the relationship is fruitless.Our timming is always wrong.There are times she needs company and im not there, there are times i need hers and shes not here.We just keep failing each other to the point i think we gave up.It happens.

I believe they are peeps out there like me.Ppl either get 'closer' to you at the wrong time, or when u decided to get 'closer' ,it turns out too late.

I have no advice to anyone.I dont wish to say cherish every moment you have with him or her and things like that.I dont think it really works.You dont have to make good things happens, good things just happens.

this is a pathetic post.anyway kj if you're reading this.all above are not applicable to you cuz you're indispensable.period.

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Came upon this when im watching tv.See, tv doesnt actually make you senile.



Love addiction comes in many forms. Some love addicts carry a torch for unavailable people. Some love addicts obsess when they fall in love. Some love addicts get addicted to the euphoric effects of romance. Others cannot let go of a toxic relationship even if they are unhappy, depressed, lonely, neglected or in danger. Some love addicts are codependent and others are narcissistic. Some love addicts use sex to manage feelings; others are sexually anorexic. What we all have in common is that we are powerless over our distorted thoughts, feelings and behavior when it comes to love, fantasies and relationships.


Codependent Love Addicts: CLAs are the most widely recognized. They fit a pretty standard profile. Most of them suffer from low self-esteem and have a certain predictable way of thinking, feeling and behaving. This means that from a place of insecurity and low self-esteem, they try desperately to hold on to the people they are addicted to using codependent behavior. This includes enabling, rescuing, caretaking, passive-aggressive controlling, and accepting neglect or abuse. In general, CLAs will do anything to “take care” of their partners in the hope that they will not leave—or that someday they will reciprocate.

Relationship Addicts: RAs, unlike other love addicts, are no longer in love with their partners but still cannot let go. Usually, they are so unhappy that the relationship affects their health, spirit and emotional well being. Even if their partner batters them, and they are in danger, they cannot let go. They are afraid of being alone. They are afraid of change. They do not want to hurt or abandon their partners. This can be summed up as “I hate you don’t leave me.”

Narcissistic Love Addicts: NLAs use dominance, seduction and withholding to control their partners. Unlike codependents, who accept a lot of discomfort, narcissists won’t put up with anything that interferes with their happiness. They are self-absorbed and their low self-esteem is masked by their grandiosity. Furthermore, rather than seeming to obsess about the relationship, NLAs appear aloof and unconcerned. They do not appear to be addicted at all. Rarely do you even know that NLAs are hooked until you try to leave them. Then they will no longer be aloof and uncaring. They will panic and use anything at their disposal to hold on to the relationship—including violence. Many professionals have rejected the idea that narcissists can be love addicts. This may be because they rarely come in for treatment. However, if you have ever seen how some narcissists react to perceived or real abandonment, you will see that they are indeed “hooked.”

Ambivalent Love Addicts:ALAs suffer from avoidant personality disorder. They don’t have a hard time letting go, they have a hard time moving forward. They desperately crave love, but at the same time they are terrified of intimacy. This combination is agonizing. ALAs also come in different forms, listed below.

Torch Bearers: are ALAs who obsess about someone who is unavailable. This can be done without acting out (suffering in silence) or by pursuing the person they are in love with. Some Torch Bearers are more addicted than others. This kind of addiction feeds on fantasies and illusions. It is also known as unrequited love.

Saboteurs: are ALAs who destroy relationships when they start to get serious or at whatever point their fear of intimacy comes up. This can be anytime—before the first date, after the first date, after sex, after the subject of commitment comes up—whenever.

Seductive Withholders: are ALAs who always come on to you when they want sex or companionship. When they become frightened, or feel unsafe, they begin withholding companionship, sex, affection—anything that makes them feel anxious. If they leave the relationship when they become frightened, they are just Saboteurs. If they keep repeating the pattern of being available/unavailable, they are seductive withholders.

Romance Addicts: are ALAs who are addicted to multiple partners. Romance addicts are often confused with sex addicts. However, unlike sex addicts, who are trying to avoid bonding altogether, romance addicts bond with each of their partners—to one degree or another— even if the romantic liaisons are short-lived or happening simultaneously. By “romance” I mean sexual passion and pseudo-emotional intimacy. Please note that while romance addicts bond with each of their partners to a degree, their goal (besides getting high off of romance and drama) is to avoid commitment or bonding on a deeper level with one partner.



I think im guilty of the addictions but not naming which.I know a few addicts around me too, but not naming who.Interesting.

A Note about ALAs: Not all avoidants are love addicts. If you accept your fear of intimacy and social situations, and do not get hooked on unavailable people, or just keep your social circle small and unthreatening you are not necessarily an ALA. But if you eat your heart out over some unavailable person year after year, or sabotage one relationship after another, or have serial romantic affairs, or only feel close when you are with another avoidant, you may be an Ambivalent Love Addict.

Combinations: You may find that you have more than one type of love addiction. Many of these types overlap and combine with other behavioral problems. For instance, you may be a codependent, alcoholic love addict. Or a love/relationship addict. The important thing is to identify your own personal profile so you know what you are dealing with.

The most common Love Addicts.

Ambivalent Love Addicts (ALA’s) crave love but also fear it. Because of their ambivalence, they do one or more of the following:

1.They avoid intimacy altogether by only experiencing love through romantic fantasies about unavailable people.

2.They only get involved with people who are emotionally unavailable.

3.They prefer romantic affairs to committed relationships.

4.They sabotage relationships with available people when their fear of intimacy comes up.

5.They initiate relationships with more than one person at the same time in order to avoid moving to a deeper level with any one person.

6.They sexualize relationships to such a degree that emotional intimacy is non-existent.

7.They fall in love but avoid commitment.

Need Help?
http://www.slaafws.org/

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I feel so satisfied.Been to the movies two days in a row.yay! *pop champagne*
Caught Hostage by Bruce Willis and In Good Company by Scarlett Johansson.I've like Scarlett Johansson ever since i watched Lost in Translation she's stylish, charismatic,and has this intriguing beauty abt her.I like the way shes not being too 'over' unlike other hollywood actress.She shld be a CK model, anyway she is for Eternity Moment.Love that commercial.
Spend fri night with taurus,geri, roger and josh.Met kj and hansel today.what can i say.

Fri Combo: Great company + Mango Deserts + Movie
Sat Combo: Bestie + Japanese Dinner + Movie

simply delightful.thanks everyone!



Had some pretty interesting conversation going on friday night.
Do you believe in reincarnation? or rebirth in another term? I do.
I have this cliche thought that maybe in my previous life, im a lonestar? hahahahaha
i wanna laugh at the thought of it.Im convinced that what you were or what u did in your previous life is gonna indirectly affect you this lifetime.
I do know of this woman Jennifer who used to be our neighbour.From my memory, she was a very depressed woman, disfigured during a car accident when she was 18, she lead a very painful life during the time when woman are age her blossoming, however she eventually got married to this man later on her life.From wat i eavesdropped during those gossip session by my mum and aunties, her husband loves her alot, but being a lowly educated man, he's not like those young handsome suitors who once woo her before the accident.Anyway she's always depressed, somedays she wld be over at our place chatting happily with my mum while on other days she wld be sobbing in front of her, she's constantly joining some religious group, hoping to find solace and peace, but i guess she didnt cuz she slit her wrist a few times.Well...my mum and her slowly drifted away,but i will always remember during one of those last meetings in my place,i was eating in front of the tv when she told my mum she went to have her past life read, she was told she used to be a professional killer in her past life, she killed many innocents in her past and was hanged, and this lifetime, she need to repay her sins.Oh man i've never heard anything more bone-chilling than what she said that day.My hair practically stands on my back.She was pregnant not long after,gave birth but went into post-natal depression and was admitted to Woodbridge, she past away not long after in there,leaving her newborn.It was very tragic.
Was her life being interlinked with her past life?

maybe being a lonestar is not so bad afterall.

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Im sick and guilt-ridden.I hope my collegues wont hate me for this, hope david wont hate me for the shit i've left for him during these two days....

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Woke up this morning to find myself having a tremendous pain whenever i blink my eye.It seems quite swollen at the eyelid too.Shit.Being a victim of 'beauty', i decided to take a day mc so as not to be caught wearing my ugly specs to work.Going to the doc later.The swell must be gone by tml.

Been in a Lord of The Ring marathon these past 3 days.It started with Channel 5 premiering Fellowship of The Ring, eventhough i've caught the whole 3 movies of LOTR in the cinema:: im a fantic:: and a few times on vcd and dvds, i still find myself rushing home after work just to catch part two of Fellowship.lol.wtf rite.Now im going thru Two Towers on vcd.

Im just very touched by the movie,the whole production, the years they took to make it,and the results of it.It started out as a dream and now the movie is an epic, which will be pass down to generations, i see myself watching it with my kids in years to come.Nobody believe it can be done, but Peter Jackson did it.Its not just another boxoffice movie to me, i think the whole movie is a piece of art, a timeless great piece of art.I wish i was with Peter Jackson on a day of filming in new zealand,i wish i can interview him and the other casts, i wish i was on the set,at riverndell during the creation of the fellowship, or elm deep during the battle scene,or touched the beautiful horse, shadowfax that Gandalf the White rides on.I wish to be part of the production, i wish that can study that movie in arts school next time.haha okay im obessed.LOTR always have this effect on me whenever i watch it.

*May it be by Enya on repeat mode*

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