I awoke to a text from my close friend and "brother", Andrew McWilliams.

It read: Well... Andrew McWilliams is no longer a single man..

I spun.
Huh? I didn't even know that was a possibility recently.
Then again I haven't talked to him since... well for a LONG while now.
And there's always been someone after the blue eyed beach dwelling boy.
So, this shouldn't come as a shocker.

I sat and felt something new.
Fully alone.
He was my buddy, you know?
The one that was going through what I've been going through.

I guess I'm the only one not making any progress anymore.



My dream came back to me soon after that.
Again.
Incontriamo nei miei sogni.
But she'll never know that.

Is this what my life will be like? Wake up, work and work, go to sleep and dream dreams of impossibilities only to wake up again to work and continue my routine?

I pray that's not how it will be.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
In each generation a slayer is born.
She, alone, must stand against the forces of evil and darkness and blah blah blah, right?

Well, sometimes I feel like her.

Ok, ok, I know this is a long shot but hear me out. Buffy is this super hero of sorts who is supposed to fight evil and save the world and stuff, right? But she's not only a Slayer. She's also an older sister, a friend, a daughter, a human. She has all these responsibilities and somehow she has to decide between defeating demons or going to work. Now, granted, I don't have super powers nor was I chosen to vanquish evil or anything like that, but I still have alot on my plate. And I think I often forget that. I do what I have to and fail at some of those things, and then I stop and wonder why I failed. Maybe I just think that I can take on more than I really can.

I think it's because I've always felt like people are looking at me going, "Why can't you do this simple task? Everyone else is doing so much more and they manage to do PERFECTION. Why can't you?!"
Maybe it's because people actually do this...

Nevertheless, I guess I just realized this today (again). I forget often.

My mom's going to the Mayo clinic in Minesotta from May 8 - 14 to see what the doctor's up there say.
I had to make the decision between this and my final.
That's final's week and even though I'm only taking one final, because I'm only taking one class, it still bothers me to know that I have to make these decisions.
This is why I couldn't take more classes. I can't deal with all of EVERYTHING.
It's too much. I have to make time. If that means failing at one of these things, it's because I had to choose.
I can't do it all.
And people are just going to have to deal.

So, there.

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