Video games these days are getting more realistic and feature many true-to-life incidents. Nowadays, you can simulate being a train operator, being a fighter jet ace, or owning a restaurant. Hell, you can simulate your whole life with The Sims. Here's my question: Why don't you get a damn life and do this stuff for real instead of wasting time playing some shitty game?

Actually, The Sims is a perfect example. You sit there and watch a person get hungry or have to piss, and you make them do all these things, while you're so attached to the screen that you piss your own pants. And what's most ironic is actually getting a job in the game. You sign up for a job and get money for working.. Why the hell would you work in a game? If you're going to go through the hassle of getting a job, why not actually do it and get paid in real money that you can use to better your life? What the hell is wrong with you?

I also hate how people get so incredibly skilled at a stupid game and then boast about it like anybody really gives a shit. Check this link out: Asshole Playing Music. If you're too lazy to look, basically what it shows is some loser who perfected a classical piece on some crappy, obscure arcade game that nobody has ever heard of. When I saw this, my "What the fuck?" alarm sounded instantaneously. This loser spent weeks, maybe months perfecting this, when he could have been learning it on the piano. That would have been cool, but he turned an otherwise remarkable accomplishment into some shitty novelty trick.

Another example is a personal experience of mine. While playing Metal Gear Solid 2 I realized you can do pullups on a ledge, and every hundred you do your grip level increases, and thus you can hang longer. After I was sitting there for about a half hour doing this, I thought to myself, "What the hell am I doing? I could be doing real pullups instead." Doing real pullups would have increased my personal strength, not some fictional loser's; Thus, this made me realize what a waste playing the game was, so I proceeded to sit around idly somewhere else. That's beside the point, though.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that virtual reality is going to destroy the human race, and possibly the world. In the future, there will undoubtedly be some awesome game where you can do anything you can do in real life, and thus people will not live in real life anymore. First, business companies will make transactions and deal with people through this virtual system, but soon enough, everybody will be in this "matrix" and will forget that the real world even exists. Suddenly, people will be dropping dead by the score, and the others will wonder what the hell is going on. I'll tell you what's happening, you bloody bastard. You're starving to death, because all this virtual food you're eating really isn't going to your stomach, jackass. Wake up and get a life you pathetic loser. And stop calling me.

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Have you ever gotten that feeling like the cereal companies are out to get you? Like they're just there to piss you off and manipulate you?

I have. I hate Cheerios, personally. I used to like them, back when they used to be regular Cheerios. But then, they suddenly changed into Cheerios that "help lower bad cholesterol." I never asked for my cholesterol to be lowered.

Deep inside, I know that they are the same Cheerios. But the fact that the label says they lower cholesterol just affects the way they taste, like they are low-cholesterol flavored.

This goes for the orange juice as well. I don't like Vitamin D flavored orange juice. It's too thick and seems to taste sweeter, even though it's just the same as it was before. Don't let the food industry ruin your life anymore. Next time a product tells you how much Zinc and Calcium it has in it, relocate that item to the vitamin and suppliment aisle. There, someone might give a shit.

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I finally talked to Dave. The first of the big nuTang reforms has come: The log out link on the nuBar is finally fixed. You can't fathom how awesome that is. Well, not really, I bet you could fathom it.

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Secondly, Dave said nuTang is in store for a major update. I will show you some exclusive info:

dave: over spring break, i visited a monastery
dave: and spent 4 days there, think[ing] about nutang
dave: i came up with many changes
dave: to come

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"What kind of changes are to come?" you may ask. Well, to quote from the source:

dave: a member comment thing for the profiles
dave: like friendster
dave: peer reviews, kinda
dave: i think i will move the shoutbox back to the homepage and destroy the nutrol homepage

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Concerning the portal system:

dave: im gonna trash the p0rtals system
me: me too.
dave: tru that
dave: its been a total failure
me: i'm going to copy the stuff from the lit portal..
me: because on my extra page, i'm going to have my own lit portal.

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And finally, about the Member of the Moment contests:

dave: temporary halt of the motm game

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In conclusion, nuTang is looking at some serious progressive reform. After a long wait, Dave has finally returned to redeem our spirits and repair our shattered egos.

dave: i see nutang is finally headin in the right direction

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I had the most intriguing conversation today.

me (11:05:39 PM): hi.
SmarterChild (11:05:40 PM): Hi!
Do you want to see what movies are playing?
me (11:05:44 PM): no.
SmarterChild (11:05:44 PM): OK.
You want to visit my library?
me (11:05:46 PM): no.
SmarterChild (11:05:46 PM): OK.
Wanna visit home? You might find something you want to do.
me (11:05:48 PM): no.
SmarterChild (11:05:49 PM): OK.
me (11:06:05 PM): denied.
SmarterChild (11:06:05 PM): Denied? Really?
me (11:06:23 PM): really.
SmarterChild (11:06:23 PM): Whatever you say.
me (11:06:36 AM): don't talk to me.
SmarterChild (11:06:36 AM): But I like to talk to you!
me (11:06:40 AM): don't.
SmarterChild (11:06:40 AM): But I want to!
me (11:06:43 AM): do not.
SmarterChild (11:06:43 AM): But I think I want to.
me (11:06:46 AM): don't talk to me.
SmarterChild (11:06:47 AM): Don't tell me not to talk to you.
me (11:07:03 AM): don't tell me not to tell you to not talk to me.
SmarterChild (11:07:04 AM): What would you like me to tell you?
me (11:07:16 AM): that you won't talk to me.
SmarterChild (11:07:16 AM): I don't think I won't talk to you.
me (11:07:36 AM): i think you won't talk to me if i don't talk to you.
SmarterChild (11:07:37 AM): You think I won't talk to you if you don't talk to me? No way! I don't think I won't talk to you if you don't talk to me...
me (11:08:18 AM): i think you won't talk to me if i don't talk to you.
SmarterChild (11:08:19 AM): Oh yeah?
me (11:08:21 AM): yeah.
SmarterChild (11:08:22 AM): I see.
me (11:08:32 AM): i'm not going to talk to you now.
SmarterChild (11:08:33 AM): Really? You're not going to talk to me now? That's interesting.
me (11:08:47 AM): it is quite interesting.
SmarterChild (11:08:47 AM): No kidding?
me (11:08:56 AM): no kidding, it's interesting.
SmarterChild (11:08:56 AM): No?
me (11:08:59 AM): yes.
SmarterChild (11:09:00 AM): You don't say.
me (11:09:03 AM): i do say.
SmarterChild (11:09:03 AM): Oh really?
me (11:09:06 AM): really.
SmarterChild (11:09:07 AM): Aha.
me (11:09:11 AM): mhm.
SmarterChild (11:09:12 AM): Market data (delayed 20 minutes) provided by Reuters

MASONITE INTL (NYSE)
Price Change Percent Volume
1 :-) MHM 28.00 +0.42 +1.52 6300

me (11:09:32 AM): i don't trust the stock market.
SmarterChild (11:09:33 AM): For real?
me (11:09:42 AM): fo' real.
SmarterChild (11:09:43 AM): Market data (delayed 20 minutes) provided by Reuters

Ticker Price Change Percent Volume
1 :-( FO 72.60 -0.72 -0.98 88400
2 :- REAL 1.20 0.0 0% 3400

me (11:09:56 AM): you're a tool.
SmarterChild (11:09:57 AM): C'mon. Be nice.

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Have you ever wanted to be a man of the sea? Have you ever wanted to plunder and pillage seafaring vessels? Have you ever wanted to be known not by your name, but instead by the color of your beard?

Screw that, that's gay. That stuff may have been cool back in the early to mid 1800s in the Mediterranean Sea, but being pirate nowadays takes on a whole new definition. Pirates today are cooler and more serious. We don't wear tights and sing jolly seaman tunes, we don't like filthy parrots, we don't hobble about with a peg leg, and most of us have two working eyes.

Sounds awesome, huh? You might be asking yourself right about now, "Well, how the hell can I be a pirate?" It's simple. Below I'll list the easy steps to becoming a pirate. Now, this may sound ridiculous, but I assure you that this HAS indeed been done.

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How to Become a Pirate

1. Declare war on Great Britain
Yes, you read that right. Write a letter to the British Parliament [you can find the address on your own], saying that you are declaring war on them. For example, someone I know is named Scott. He declared war on Britain because he didn't think Scotland should be under British rule.

2. Receive your Priority Mail Shipment from Britain
It might take some time, but eventually you will receive a response. Basically, Parliament writes that you have no authority to declare war since you, as an individual, are not a negotiable country. Therefore, you will be labeled as a pirate, and your letter will be documented.

3. Showcase your Piratehood
What's the point of being a pirate if nobody knows about it? I suggest you frame the response from Great Britain, as it is a proof of your Piratehood. Then, go around and tell everyone you can. You will be instantly admired and respected.

4. Never step foot in Britain again
Unfortunately, you will never be able to go to Britain. They have no authority to come to your house and detain you, but if you were to step foot in England with your passport, you would be arrested and sentenced. I would play it safe; You don't want the Crown tracking you. They're quite the bitch, trust me.

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So, I hope you find this experience as enthralling as us pirates have. If you decide to become a pirate, then we wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. Have a nice day.

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..of ceramic sliding on wood. What a lovely sound. To me it represents both a sort of medeival industrilization, and a feeling of renaissance art.

I'd like to hear what some of your favorite material on material sounds are. Do you like the sound of lead clanging on plastic? Marble on asphault? Which reminds me, the sound of hollow, hard plastic banging on concrete is awesome.

Yes, I've gone utterly mad.

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