Wanted to tinker with the blog layout again, but realised I'm too noob at this html and css thing (after nine years of blogging, no less - would have expected myself to pick up programming; guess I'm not an Aaron who is ateverywhere now)

Really glad to be able to meet up with different groups of people over the weekends. First it was the class, then - erm... what can we call ourselves? The CPA? and finally a long-lost bff (:p)

Meeting another group this Sat and then the floaters next.

Eventful days. I need to accept that things are the way they are now and be thankful for all these small (positive) things that keep me sane and well.

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Patience you must have my young Padawan

Impulsive me can do with a little more of this stuff. (YOUUUU BETCHA; in my best Danny Morrison-esque voice haha he's someone who has grown on me throughout the IPL season - always ever so timely and hilarious if you can get over his voice!)

It remains testing with every single day. It is very tiring caring for people who don't care - to the point that they become hypocritical, even.

"Do not let others create your world for you, for they will always create it too small."
____________

Is this what working life is like?

Waking up super early, earlier than you've ever done for the entire school semester;
Squeezing on a packed train and predicting whether other passengers can alight or will disembark;
Waiting for work to come/be preemptive, communicate with fellow desk-warriors; Stay back until ever-increasing ungodly hours; stop caring about the whole world and your social life when you have work;
Reminiscence and fumble about with your phone waiting for non-existent replies from other desk-warriors when there is a lull;
Mealtimes - sometimes alone, other times bump into familiar people at the same place;
Wonder why you seem so lonely when you see them happily eating/buying back food together;
Time for social gatherings delayed til after you ever-increasing ungodly weekday hours, and then there are weekends;
Until work exerts priority over that silver window of liberty too;
Think about why you are still single when you see people making plans to get engaged;
Your friends are getting ready to own their personal home - you look right and see a pile of work waiting for your TLC;
Ending up with no time for your own endeavours, and even if you have, no one else is free or is available;
Granted, work is good and no work is not good -

But is that all there is to working? Eat, work, feel productive, then envious, eat, work, sleep, rinse and repeat.

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I stare at the masterpiece in front of me. Delightfully cut, hewn and molded into shape. A lifelike figure! Much real indeed. Each fragile, thin, glittering limb gently maneuvered into place. An investment. Hope! A glimmer of hope that with every effort, I can achieve some sort of inner peace. Every move a penance for all the choices I'd made.

Alas, I smudged the once pristine image with some black dust. "It's okay", I tell myself. The blade flashed, and everything was well again. Thankfully, it was near the fringes and thus contained some redemptive value. "But what if it was a smudge in the centre of the work, between those aforementioned limbs? Does that mean I have to start again?" I'm relived I did not have to answer that question, just yet.

Or had I already answered it? A work of art, blemished, at least contains some redemptive value. What about something more sensitive, like say, a relationship? A communicative, healthy relationship of trust and confidence. Can it ever be salvaged? I believe so. Though difficult, both parties should not clam up, become defensive or insensitive; neither should they harbour any thoughts of self-preservation without any heed to how their actions might lead to complications. Worst of all is paranoia. That, my friends, is a slippery slope of no return. Quicksand. Even if it was done with the best or most innocent of intentions. Reality does not lie. Thoughts become increasingly self-fulfilling prophecies. Who is there to take the wheel? Life spins wildly out of control. Everyone moves ahead into the Renaissance while you are stuck in the Medieval era.

It has never been about the glory, the prestige - it is about something more. Stability, closure and fulfillment. The imagination goes wild; even the most mundane comment, quip or share means something more. Cue the constant second guessing. "If I do this, what would the other party do, what then should I do?" We were brought up in this way, imitating the grandmasters of yore, thinking two, or even three, steps ahead. To outwit, outplay and outlast. And thus paranoia casts aspersions on the things we know, or thought we know.

There is no trust left.

Whatever that is left is a sham.

The cake is a lie.

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I was becoming pretty bored [edit: now I've got work] and thus started to draft/plan the agm report by looking through precedents when I came across this gem from '12 by Nigel -

"Rag went to Sentosa this week, which I believe was a great success and morale-booster. Always be on the lookout of their safety during the session."

"At the end of the day, however, Rag remains an Orientation activity rather than a competition. The Rag Committee should never lose sight of this goal and always market it to anyone who asks about the purpose of Rag, as having this exact purpose. Although Rag seems to go against the idea of Flag for the amount of money spent on it, I believe it is an integral part of Orientation and it really helps to bring together and bond those Raggers who bother to come down and spend time on Rag. As such, all future Rag Committees should fight to keep the Rag tradition alive in Law School, based solely on the amount of experiences and memories it creates year after year for all Raggers."

Can't really believe that two years have passed.

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And so the paranoia casts aspersions on the things we know

Just another cog in the company machinery - somehow this feels very liberating. The banality of following the same routine everyday, leaving not enough time for you to even consider doing any other thing(s). Which all means that - well, singlehood for life hooray. Public holidays are bad because unless there's work to do, you're left with either (1) staring at the wall, (2) playing games, doing things alone or (3) rinse and repeat (1) and (2).

Maybe this is the reason why blogs fell out of fashion as the pioneer generation of sorts graduated into the working world. Our daily happenings do not seem to be that significant anymore when placed in the grand scheme of things; no one will bother knowing what you had for lunch what you did who you gossiped about (okay maybe the last point may raise a few eyebrows). Then again I've been receiving increased traffic from a few loyal viewers + some random ones (thank you, even though I have no idea how you reached here anyway. Maybe it was a Google search but I will never know if you don't say anything). It is interesting how everyone apparently browses with Chrome nowadays though.

Meanwhile in other news nothing much has really changed since. New notification! Ignore; Hope it will go away: Not click the message so the 'seen' will not be delivered and I won't feel as bad. The whole episode resembles a penny stock crash actually. irrational exuberance ha ha.

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Saw this on my twitter feed:



yup. this is so true.

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Work, work, work - maybe if I work like a stakhanovite I'll be so tired I won't have time to think about pretty much anything else.

First two days have been eye-openers - have to adapt to a new environment, new subject matter, new terminologies; granted only doing basic research now - but I guess all that googling stalking skills are coming into good use. And of course Adobe 11 (thank you for the cr*ck).

Perspective; framework - these are essentials. Met a lot of new people. Recharged my social meter of sorts (finally I'm actually talking to someone). Did quite a few random and retarded things on the first day such as sprinting to Clarke Quay in full office attire and accidentally unplugging my colleague's workstation and I think it made her stay back half an hour later (oops). High key now if the office - I'm just glad I can help in some way, however minute it is.

"Having too much work to do is better than having no work at all" - true.

Oh. Went for the legal clinic on Monday across the road - it was held together with the MPS and free TCM consults. I thought it was quite a smart idea to have this 3-in-1 service centre of sorts to cater to the residents' needs. And... the two duty lawyers were LCS tutors - one of whom was my group's. So it's an.. "eh you look familiar but I can't recall your name although I know where you sat" moment.

Looks like that Fray song has had its ending salvaged, unless I interpreted the words wrongly oops.

Communication is vital though. Dug this up this cg message from 2006 (posted this here 5 years ago) - it was like another era back then hahaha wow thinking back what will I do if I can travel back in time. I'd lost this by the time 2012 rolled about - else I will probably be skyping Durham every week for the past two years. Screw Dota; I should have dropped everything to hear you out about anything and everything. I guess you have moved on, and I should too - though I hope that there'll be one day when.. yup. Much like the first time we met up after 3 years at that TCC one fine Feb evening.
___
Communication is a process of sharing information with another person in such a way that he or she understands what you are saying

Talking and listening and understanding are all involved in the process of communication.

COMMUNICATION IS MORE THAN JUST WORDS!

Most people wrongly thing that communication is synonymous with talking.
To "talk" is to utter words but to "communicate" is to transfer thoughts

We communicate by words, gestures and spirit!
- Researchers say that 55 percent of ALL communication is nonverbal.

THE NEED FOR ACTIVE LISTENING

James 1:19 - let every man be swift to hear...

The most basic communication skill needed is not talking but listening.

Prov. 18:13 - He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him

Active Listening means that when someone is talking:
- You are tuning in fully to what that person is saying
- You are actively seeking to understand what the other person really means.

THE FIVE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION

1. Level One: Cliche conversation
In this type of conversation, there is no personal sharing (shallow and superficial, each building invisible barriers, seeking to be safe)

2. Level Two: Reporting the facts of others

3. Level Three: My ideas and judgements
Real communication only begins here! (person willing to put down defences, but still wary)

4. Level Four: My emotions and feelings.
Now the person shares how he/she personally feels about the facts, ideas and judgements.

5. Level Five: Total, truthful open communication
All deep relationships, especially marriage relationships, must be based on absolute openness and honesty. (involves risk, but trust God to bring peace to you).

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Lots to say, lots to tell - almost enough to write a short story here of sorts.

Still, work comes first. And hello, one-worded replies, the bane of all meaningful conversation.. If we were friends the past year it seems like I'm now like the proverbial fly getting swatted by you.

Thought a breakthrough was at hand after all these years; Fell through instead after the ground beneath me broke.

I shall try harder


[at being punny].

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