who ever thought losing people in your life would make such an impact. i've lost many homies.. the girl i love. what else. hmm steven died on monday i just found out today barely =/ car accident damn. im losing so much especially people that were there for me n crap. i still got my homies now but its not a good thing that you lose people at this age. it doesnt bring me happiness it only makes me feel so miserable. my perfect utopian dream is where... actually its for me to know cause sharing that is one of my secrets where its actually a secret and i dont tell you people. i keep losing homies. it's like reality hits me each time but harder each time. and i dont want to lose anyone else but i feel like im losing myself in this game of life. it's hard. i cant just pretend im alright, and i guess i gotta realize that nothing lasts forever, well somethings do but in my life most things lie, they tell me or show me the things i want to see or know but they dont show me or tell me the truth about the future. nothing feels like its gonna be right again, i guess maybe soon it will be right again i just need to find my comfort and where i feel that im comfort. i just really need everything to feel right again. hmm i miss you like whoa ..now you're gone i wonder why you left me here i think i found it on and on and on again i know you're never coming back i hope that you can hear me im waiting to hear from you until i do you're gone away im left alone a part of me is gone and im not moving on so wait for me i know the day will come i'll meet you there... i leaving for vegas. peace

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ok lets see so today.... was aright i guess I GUESS.. i actually felt like i did good on my test HA HA crazy. n then after i went on the computer in the classroom cause i was first one done so i wanna be first one to finish the next homework. n everyone stared at me like im crazy or something sorry i guess im just a school boy >.< n then they were staring at me even more cause of how i type. i type faster then all of them i bet well duhh cause they dont go on the computer prolly or what not but yeah.. so then after i was explaining to mylene cause she was like i dont like hip hop and im like oh what? i dont either i like UNDERGROUND HIP HOP n shes like whats the difference and i explained to her and she was like =O wow thats cool i like it.. and its true if you think about it underground is kinda like punk cause underground they play their own beats with guitars, bass, drums, piano whatever like a punk band.. underground expresses feelings like punk songs too oOo many things that are similar! n she likes it now i told her its not about that im a pimp shit cause really its not! n then after nothing really happened. i saw drama with the colorguard girls.. hah n then i went to singing. super huh? NOT REALLY! laters

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how else am i supposed to feel? my parents are telling me that i've changed so much like i've gotten meaner or somewhat.. but how am i supposed to feel after everything that i've been through and my life is so hard cause of them. everything that i'm going through its gotta have to lead back to them. its not easy for me to be nice anymore cause i feel like when i give and give and give my best to everyone just to make them happy and myself but i just get hurt in the end, so i cant be nice anymore i need to be aggressive with how i feel. pain is just what i dont want to go through and they're saying that oh yeah if i be nice even if that person isnt acting how i want them to be IT PAYS OFF... my ass it pays off it just makes me feel more like shit. and the way that im staring at my dad, like im pissed off how the fuck am i supposed to feel when someones telling me oh this and that how im SUPPOSED TO BE.. the PERFECT person once again NO, im being the person that i can be the person that i've been molded out of every little scenario that i've been through and i just cant be that easy person anymore where i trust everyone where they're going to make me happy cause i know now that everyone in my life at this moment cant fulfill my needs i know people can little by little just not the way everything used to be.and my mom's saying that im bastos and shit so be it maybe i am. she doesnt know what i've been through how much pain and suffering im going through. they just cause MORE pain. they ask me whats wrong yeah like i want to tell them, they'll just make it worse.. i guess i've changed then, maybe i cant go back cause im afraid of what will happen to me. thats why i cant open up my heart to everyone. and im glad everyones telling me oh yeah you should try this and that thanks for your opinions but maybe i dont want to. i wanna do what i wanna do, what i feel is right. maybe what i wanna do is wrong but oh well so be it, thats me, remember i've CHANGED now. nothing comes easy in life, i say everythings bullshit except for somethings. so someone please HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL? cause i feel damn right in the position i am right now. peace

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