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Poetry - 23.01.05 Writing - 10.12.05      Older  � From the Heart  � Clairvoyant Elegy  � For the Ghosts of Our Time      Newer  � The Art of Cooking With Turnips  � Radical Dreamer  � Mystery in Red  � Cerulean Dust  � Emerald     nuTang  � Lauren  � ECHO  � Kevin  � Stephanie  � Syd  � Ciara  � Quint  � Rick  � Grace  � Jamie  � Maryann  � Bianca  � Teresa  � Tiffany  � EM.com  � Newgrounds  � Get your own Banana Guard today!  � Quizilla! (Ask if you want a link to mine.)  � Virtual Turntable  � Maddox  � Kefallaville  � Mr. Quach Welcome to Not Getting Run Over By A Forklift 101. For our first lesson we'll... ack! No. NO! What a terrible way to start the class! But aren't solar-powered vampires a bit impractical? Did you know I have somewhere around one hundred forty entires? The primary function of the United States Coast Guard (besides protecting the borders and patroling national waters) is to travel back in time and battle pirates! If wishes were squids, then beggars would write. With the ink, you see. The ink of SO MANY SQUIDS. "It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass." Subscribe to this to blog if you would like to be emailed whenever it is updated. | This Heart of Mine Sunday 2.13.05 8:37 pm (Quiz from 2.21.05) I reread my last entry and realized it really didn't make any sense. If you read it, start wondering why you did. Or rather, how you could. Anyway, I woke up around eleven this morning and started blasting Led Zeppelin until about... two hours ago. It was rather fun, plus I ended up getting a sort of stop-by-and-chat block party going on. I think it was actually more fun when I was just sitting around in front of my house having people coming up and asking if I could turn it down. I should have kept going, but even I can tire of Zeppelin after seven hours or so. So, yeah, that was my day. Saint Valentine's Day is tomorrow. I'm sure I could do something really extravagant and I'm almost certain someone else is going to shove something in my locker again, but I'm just going to do exactly what I planned on a few months ago. It sort of sucks that I made things worse, but I'm not going to turn around and give the things I bought a lovely two days before I got things this bad and give them to someone else. That's just retarded. Hopefully I don't incite any more hate because of it. Oh well. It's time to relax. I don't want to kill myself over this shit... Pink Floyd or Black Sabbath? Or maybe R.E.M. ... Radiohead? I'll be up for a while. Later, DS
I figure I might as well put this here.
Comment! (4) | Recommend! | Categories: Dear Lord - A Quiz [t], reflective [t] Life in a Gym Wednesday 2.9.05 5:13 pm CAHSEE. The California exit exams are really dumb. Even a pseudointellectual like me found them incredibly insulting to my intelligence. Other than that, everything is still boring. I'm never going to do anything new or interesting with all of this on my mind. I've got some lovely hours of detention to fill because Ms. Price told my counselor I smelled of pot and for a few other reasons, and then today she had the nerve to eavesdrop on a conversation of mine and I have a feeling she's going to make my life a living hell now. She knows about Emerald... thanks to Tom and Todd (and whoever else was there). But not everything is bad. I've still got the pieces of my shattered pride and I can fit them together if I try hard enough. Plus I've got a friend or two left that still try to support me and joke around. I'm going to set to repair things, but I don't know which way I'll choose to aim... Comment! (2) | Recommend! | Categories: school [t] All I've Got Thursday 2.3.05 10:55 pm Woo hoo. School is rather dull. There are really a few reasons I go, though I suppose seeing Emerald is the most motivational. Yes, I know - that's completely retarded, but at least I'm being honest with myself. I was having a semi-intellectual discussion in PE that lead to my thinking of that. Anyway. I like the education aspect also... since it's free and relatively good. There's never too much to write about because I've ceased to do most things that end in personal enjoyment. Most of my time is dedicated to Emerald... which is probably rather pointless and sad since she hardly ever asks for anything compared to the time I spend waiting to help with something or trying to of my own accord. Oh well. I spend a greater portion of the day working at a normally dead-end cause, but at least there's that one in a hundred or so chance that I can do something that facilitates her making herself happy (which will probably make no sense to anyone since I'd doubt she reads this). Well, I do suppose I was rather angry that my English teacher decided that I'm a stoner and arranged an appointment with my counselor to discuss the "issues" that I "obviously have with drug abuse." She based this on the fact that I smelled of pot when I walked in the class this morning and a few of the writing assignments I turned in. Mr. Fernandez actually came in to my fifth period class and walked around the school with me while he discussed what could happen. It ranges from absolutely nothing to "detention time." I'm none too sure what type of detention he was talking about, but I think he put a little too much emphasis on it for it to be school-related. Which sucks. My English teacher is trying to ruin me. Of course, none of that would've happened had I not done a favor for someone, but, hey, it was worth it. Actually, I think I did something kinda nice for someone other than Emerald also. There was a lady that came into RadioShack with a sea otter toy that was supposed to dance and sing, much like those singing fish things only cuter and infinitely less annoying, and wanted to get some new batteries because it had stopped working. I was just down there waiting for my mom to get off work because the school apparently called her about the whole mess above, by the way. The lady got the new batteries and put them in only to find that it still didn't work. She asked my mom if they [RadioShack] could fix it for her, but she said that they couldn't... so the lady continued to explain that her grandson had given it to her and it would mean a lot if they would try. My mom refused, and I felt really bad for the lady, so I said I'd try to help her and took it into the back room for a bit and took it apart. It turned out that one of the wires got sliced because the button place fell out of line, so I soldered the wire back to the battery hatch and replaced the button and it worked. I brought it out and the lady was positively ecstatic about it. It looks like I did something right for a change... (besides helping Emerald.) Later, DS
Comment! (0) | Recommend! | Categories: boring [t] Into the Light Sunday 1.23.05 4:48 pm A friend of mine and I have been talking about my Emerald situation... I don't think it's been helping, though. I'm still afraid of dozens of things. The worst part of it all, though, is that I'm afraid to think to hard about the general situation. I felt positively shitty a few nights ago when I read a single, mosty likely friendly comment, on her weblog because I pondered it for too long. As far as I'm concerned, digging a hole and hauling up would keep me from all of this and I could sit there, trying to remember all of the crazy things I've done, looking on them fondly, and then inevitably drowning when it rains and the hole fills with water. That's the problem with my plan. There's something else besides me and the hole. Emerald. I can't very well let the love I have drown me, I should be protecting it from the very same myself. That is to say, I feel like I should be doing something for her to make sure she's alright. I realize I've sort of been doing that anyway... but after that dream I had... I'm none too sure what I'd do if something were to happen, but I'm fairly certain my life would come to a halt. Not that it would have to slow very much. The entire world is spinning past my eyes. I can't say I'm not tired of it, but I've made the choice to be loyal to this cause and I'm not backing out of it. To be honest, I can't even really think of abandoning it. So many people have tried to pull me out of this; to set me on a new track of sorts... Why can't people understand that I know I've fallen in love? Why can't they just see that I'm not kidding myself, that I've walked into my light, into her light? A light, a love, that warms me deep inside. Comment! (2) | Recommend! | Categories: rant [t] A Mind Laced With Lunacy. Friday 1.21.05 8:30 pm Yes, I'm back in Track. I really, really hate it now. Mr. McMullin is the main reason for my newfound hate. I've run two "warmups" in two days that've killed me beyond all comprehension. The first day, we ran five miles with drills breaking it into three and two miles segments. And today he decided to have us start out with a ten minute run... that turned into a fifteen minute run, so he killed my stamina as I did just over two miles. Then we started drills, which were sprints. Those were fine. But after each set of sprints, we had to run another lap. We had seven sets. For non-tracky people, that's a mile and three quarters... But an enitre lap after sprinting your brains out sucks. But, no, that's not it. When I finished my run, he had the nerve to come up to me and ask me to join cross-country. I swear, if I hadn't been about to collapse and had legs that felt like anything better than Jello that I would have punched him. Also, I think I'm in pretty good shape considering the circumstances. At least I can force myself to go through with the workouts he's been giving... But I know I'm going to be sore as hell tomorrow. I seriously woke up a few minutes ago and I could not keep my legs from shaking as I walked to the kitchen. Hating track has never been so easy. My new math teacher is pretty damn retarded. She went around to check homework and the first thing she asked when she saw mine was, "Whose is this?" When I explained that my handwriting can look rather girly, she asked, "Well, this looks like an answer sheet that I'd make. Where'd you get it?" I was getting sort of angry, so I tried to explain that I highlight things so it's easier to check so what's she do? She takes my paper out of my binder and says she's going to ask my other teachers if I make a habit out of cheating and lying about it. Being incredibly pissed, I walked over to her, took my paper, and stared. She got a really sour look on her face, went to her desk, and started writing something. Lastly, and the subject which is most on my mind, I had an extremely depressing dream about Emerald last night. It was one of those dreams where you wake up and cry about it. Which I did. For quite a long time, in fact. From four, when I woke up depressed by what I'd "seen", until about five thirty. Of course, there were times of heavier crying than some, but it was pretty constant, if not entirely. I was going to tell her, but I had a feeling she wouldn't want to hear it... plus I wanted to say something that was inspired by said dream, but I didn't want her to get upset. I should've sat with her, though... I've been yelling at myself for that all day... Comment! (0) | Recommend! | Categories: rant [t], school [t] Shallow Thoughts Wednesday 1.12.05 7:14 pm Yes, it's finals week. They give us too much time for them, so I've resorted to playing games on my calculator to fill the empty time... well, I read a bit too, but that's my main waste of time. I haven't studied for anything since I really don't care how shitty my grades are at the moment. I'm too tired to care. Physics, which I'm taking the final for tomorrow, is probably the only thing I feel like I need to study for, but I don't want to. There are too many distractions. I can think of multitudes of things I could do to occupy my time instead of studying, there's: listening to music, thinking of someone special, playing this really fun japanese fighting game I pirated yesterday, reading, fiddling with my calculator, playing instruments, sleeping, and many other forms of procrastination (such as this). I forgot taking a shower. Je vais aller prendre une douche. Feeling clean on the last day of finals will have a good effect on me... hopefully. Of course I can't see why it's any different than any other shower I've taken this week, but it should be... At least I won't scare people away with anything but my ugliness. Later, DS
Comment! (3) | Recommend! | Categories: rant [t], random [t] |
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