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Robert Zimmerman: Spreading obvious misinformation since 1935!

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Robert Zimmerman

Age: 22

Gender: Male

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Welcome to Not Getting Run Over By A Forklift 101. For our first lesson we'll... ack! No. NO! What a terrible way to start the class!

But aren't solar-powered vampires a bit impractical?

Did you know I have somewhere around one hundred forty entires?

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If wishes were squids, then beggars would write. With the ink, you see. The ink of SO MANY SQUIDS.

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This Heart of Mine
Sunday 2.13.05 8:37 pm (Quiz from 2.21.05)

I reread my last entry and realized it really didn't make any sense. If you read it, start wondering why you did. Or rather, how you could.

Anyway, I woke up around eleven this morning and started blasting Led Zeppelin until about... two hours ago. It was rather fun, plus I ended up getting a sort of stop-by-and-chat block party going on. I think it was actually more fun when I was just sitting around in front of my house having people coming up and asking if I could turn it down. I should have kept going, but even I can tire of Zeppelin after seven hours or so.

So, yeah, that was my day. Saint Valentine's Day is tomorrow. I'm sure I could do something really extravagant and I'm almost certain someone else is going to shove something in my locker again, but I'm just going to do exactly what I planned on a few months ago. It sort of sucks that I made things worse, but I'm not going to turn around and give the things I bought a lovely two days before I got things this bad and give them to someone else. That's just retarded. Hopefully I don't incite any more hate because of it.

Oh well. It's time to relax. I don't want to kill myself over this shit... Pink Floyd or Black Sabbath? Or maybe R.E.M. ... Radiohead? I'll be up for a while.

Later, DS
~ Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

I figure I might as well put this here.

(1) Your gender: male
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: straight
(3) Single?: yup
(4) Want to be?: no
(5) Your birthday: 30.05.89
(6) Age you act: uh… 12?
(7) Age you wish you were: I don’t give a damn
(8) Your height: 5'9”, but only if I’m not slouching
(9) The color of your eyes: blue
(10) Happy with it?: yup
(11) The color of your hair: brown/blonde/red
(12) Happy with it?: sure
(13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: right handed
(14) Your living arrangement?: in a house
(27) Your family: mom, brother
(29) What's your job: sales associate
(30) Piercings?: no
(31) Tattoos?: I can pretend my birthmark is a crappy one
(32) Obsessions?: a certain person and my music
(35) Do you speak another language? german and the french I’m learning in class
(36) Have a favorite quote?: "I dont mind that I have horns under my halo"
(37) Do you have a webpage?: yes

DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
(38) Do you live in the moment?: depends on what moment it is. I live where I like it best
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: yup
(40) Do you have any secrets?: quite a few
(41) Do you hate yourself?: occasionally. Yes at the moment
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: sure, its pretty
(43) Do you have any bad habits?: knuckle cracking, talking to myself, thinking after I act
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: “You’ve got nice eyes”
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: That guy’s got issues.
(46) What's your biggest fear?: being alone
(47) Can you sing: yup
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: no
(49) Are you a loner?: yup
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: id probably think I was a prick (What happened to 50?)
(52) Are you a daredevil?: depends
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: stupidity
(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: passive unless I get really pissed
(55) Have you got a ?: have you got a brain?
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness? Ask someone who likes to exploit it
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself? Ask the person I’d be changing it for *ahem*
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: love
(59) How do you vent?: music and games, usually
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: in most cases, im a rock. In one, im a pile of goo… if you can pile goo
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: yes
(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: I don’t suppose its been too bad, but I did kill something of great importance to me so Im constantly reminded of how much it can suck…
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: ask people what they want you to do – don’t assume
(64) What do you like the most about your body?: uh… my legs?
(65) And least?: uh… my legs?
(66) Do you think you are good looking?: no
(67) Are you confident?: not really
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like?: that guy with the hair… y’know?
69) Do people know how you feel?: no
70) Are you perceived wrongly?: probably not

DO YOU...
(71) Smoke?: no
(72) Do drugs?: no
(73) Read the newspaper?: occasionally
(74) Pray?: no
(75) Go to church? If im forced
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you?: sure
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?: no
(78) Take walks in the rain?: of course
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them?: I don’t really hate anyone, but I talk with those who I dislike
(80) Drive?: no
(81) Like to drive fast?: n/a

HAVE YOU EVER...
(82) Liked your voice?: yes. the ability to speak is nice
(83) Hurt yourself?: ya
(84) Been out of the country?: yup
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: yup
(86) Burped?: … what the hell kind of a question is this?
(87) Been unfaithful?: no
(88) Been in love?: yes
(89) Done drugs?: no
(90) Gone skinny dipping?: no
(92) Had surgery?: ya
(93) Ran away from home?: no
(94) Played strip poker: no
(95) Gotten beaten up?: yup
(97) Been picked on?: ya
(98) Been on stage?: yup
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath?: considering how specific that is, no.
(100) Slept outdoors?: yup
(101) Thought about suicide?: yup
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: yup
(103) If yes, what is your record?: damned if I know
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: depends when “night” begins. Probably, though
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: yes
(107) Slept all day?: almost
(108) Killed someone?: … uh… no
(109) Made out with a stranger?: no
(110) Had sex with a stranger?: no
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: I think you’re going crazy, whoever you are.
(112) Kissed the same sex?: yup
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: does kissing count?
(114) Been betrayed?: probably
(115) Had a dream that came true?: yup… and then I ruined the dream
(116) Broken the law?: yup
(117) Met a famous person?: yup
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: have you ever stepped on an ant?
(146) Stolen anything?: yup
(147) Been on radio/TV.?: radio, twice… no idea about tv
(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: ya
(149) Had a nervous breakdown?: offff coooursse not
(150) Considered religious vocation?: no
(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: no
(152) Bungee jumped?: not yet
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: quite often
(154) Shoe brand?: “Have you ever… Shoe brand?:” What the fuck?
(155) Brand of clothing?: see above
(156) Cologne/perfume?: worn it? no
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: I gather there was supposed to be a new header. I normally wear pants to school.
(159) Wear hats?: nope
(161) Wear make-up?: not unless its put on me
(162) Favorite place to shop?: tower or amoeba
(163) Favorite article of clothing?: whatever keeps me warmest in the most entertaining place
(164) Are you trendy?: no
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school?: no

BELIEFS
(166) Believe in life on other planets?: ya
(167) Miracles?: yup
(168) Astrology?: uh… dunno
(169) Magic?: depends on what you consider magic
(170) God?: not really
(171) Satan?: not really
(172) Santa?: no
(173) Ghosts?: no
(174) Luck?: yup
(175) Love at first sight?: that’s lust
(176) Yin and Yang?: black and white swirls are everywhere
(177) Witches?: only if I get a chance to burn them
(178) Easter bunny?: no.
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yup
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: sure, im optimistic
(181) Do you wish on stars?: occasionally

LOVE, and all that
(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: no
(183) Do you remember your first love?: yeah…
(184) Still love him/her?: yup
(185) Do you consider love a mistake?: people tell me it is. But no
(186) What do you find romantic?: little things that people do for others
(187) Turn-on?: intelligent conversation once in a while and smiles
(188) Turn-off?: dumbasses
(189) Do you base your judgment on looks alone: no
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: kinda bad if I knew
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"?: knowing them
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: why does it matter?
(203) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: as she put it
(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: do you?
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: I really don’t want to generalize
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: see above
(207) What's the last present someone gave you? exorcist
(208) Are you in love?: yes
(209) Do you consider your significant other hot?: none to speak of…
(210) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk?: uh… look.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
(211) That haunted you?: depends on what you mean by haunted
(212) You wanted to kill?: no one
(213) That you laughed at?: tom
(214) That laughed at you?: I don’t know. People can laugh at me when im not around
(215) That turned you on?: uh… starts with an em
(216) You went shopping with?: casey
(217) That broke your heart?: well, uh. Its my fault it broke
(218) To disappoint you?: too many to choose from
(219) To ask you out?: I don’t remember. daisy or jessica
(220) To make you cry?: starts with an em
(221) To brighten up your day?: ditto
(222) That you thought about?: em…
(223) You saw a movie with?: em/alton
(224) You talked to on the phone?: its either alda or justin
(225) You talked to through IM?: micheal
(226) You saw?: besides family, casey
(227) You lost?: as in died? My grandfather
(229) You thought was completely insane?: dont know
(230) You wanted to be?: me
(231) You told off?: Jessica or daisy?
(232) You trusted?: I trust a lot of people. Probably em
(233) You turned down?: Jessica or daisy…

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(234) Smiled?: today
(235) Laughed?: today
(236) Cried?: today
(237) Bought something?: yesterday
(238) Danced?: a few hours ago
(239) Were sarcastic?: im always sarcastic
(240) hugged someone?: today
(241) Talked to an ex?: uh… yesterday, I guess…
(242) Watched your fave movie?: I don’t know what my favorite movie is
(243) Had a nightmare?: it was either last night or this morning
(245) Talked on the phone?: today
(246) Listened to the radio?: a few days ago
(247) Watched TV?: today, technically. But the last time I really watched was september 8th
(248) Went out?: today
(249) Helped someone?: today
(250) Were mean?: today
(251) Sang?: a few hours ago
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: its been a long time
(253) Said "I love you"?: ive meant to say it… but I never do because itd be a bad idea now
(254) Missed someone?: today
(255) Fought with a family member?: few weeks ago
(256) Fought with a friend?: dont remember
(257) Had a serious conversation?: a few days
(258) Got drunk?: don’t remember. funny how that works
(259) Had sex?: never

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Life in a Gym
Wednesday 2.9.05 5:13 pm

CAHSEE. The California exit exams are really dumb. Even a pseudointellectual like me found them incredibly insulting to my intelligence. Other than that, everything is still boring. I'm never going to do anything new or interesting with all of this on my mind. I've got some lovely hours of detention to fill because Ms. Price told my counselor I smelled of pot and for a few other reasons, and then today she had the nerve to eavesdrop on a conversation of mine and I have a feeling she's going to make my life a living hell now. She knows about Emerald... thanks to Tom and Todd (and whoever else was there). But not everything is bad. I've still got the pieces of my shattered pride and I can fit them together if I try hard enough. Plus I've got a friend or two left that still try to support me and joke around. I'm going to set to repair things, but I don't know which way I'll choose to aim...

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All I've Got
Thursday 2.3.05 10:55 pm

Woo hoo. School is rather dull. There are really a few reasons I go, though I suppose seeing Emerald is the most motivational. Yes, I know - that's completely retarded, but at least I'm being honest with myself. I was having a semi-intellectual discussion in PE that lead to my thinking of that. Anyway. I like the education aspect also... since it's free and relatively good.

There's never too much to write about because I've ceased to do most things that end in personal enjoyment. Most of my time is dedicated to Emerald... which is probably rather pointless and sad since she hardly ever asks for anything compared to the time I spend waiting to help with something or trying to of my own accord. Oh well. I spend a greater portion of the day working at a normally dead-end cause, but at least there's that one in a hundred or so chance that I can do something that facilitates her making herself happy (which will probably make no sense to anyone since I'd doubt she reads this).

Well, I do suppose I was rather angry that my English teacher decided that I'm a stoner and arranged an appointment with my counselor to discuss the "issues" that I "obviously have with drug abuse." She based this on the fact that I smelled of pot when I walked in the class this morning and a few of the writing assignments I turned in. Mr. Fernandez actually came in to my fifth period class and walked around the school with me while he discussed what could happen. It ranges from absolutely nothing to "detention time." I'm none too sure what type of detention he was talking about, but I think he put a little too much emphasis on it for it to be school-related. Which sucks. My English teacher is trying to ruin me.

Of course, none of that would've happened had I not done a favor for someone, but, hey, it was worth it.

Actually, I think I did something kinda nice for someone other than Emerald also. There was a lady that came into RadioShack with a sea otter toy that was supposed to dance and sing, much like those singing fish things only cuter and infinitely less annoying, and wanted to get some new batteries because it had stopped working. I was just down there waiting for my mom to get off work because the school apparently called her about the whole mess above, by the way. The lady got the new batteries and put them in only to find that it still didn't work. She asked my mom if they [RadioShack] could fix it for her, but she said that they couldn't... so the lady continued to explain that her grandson had given it to her and it would mean a lot if they would try. My mom refused, and I felt really bad for the lady, so I said I'd try to help her and took it into the back room for a bit and took it apart. It turned out that one of the wires got sliced because the button place fell out of line, so I soldered the wire back to the battery hatch and replaced the button and it worked. I brought it out and the lady was positively ecstatic about it. It looks like I did something right for a change... (besides helping Emerald.)

Later, DS
~ It's funny, but when you look at an old man, then you look at a photo of him when he was a young man, then you look at the old man, then the photo, back and forth, pretty soon you'll do whatever anybody tells you to.

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Into the Light
Sunday 1.23.05 4:48 pm

A friend of mine and I have been talking about my Emerald situation... I don't think it's been helping, though. I'm still afraid of dozens of things. The worst part of it all, though, is that I'm afraid to think to hard about the general situation. I felt positively shitty a few nights ago when I read a single, mosty likely friendly comment, on her weblog because I pondered it for too long. As far as I'm concerned, digging a hole and hauling up would keep me from all of this and I could sit there, trying to remember all of the crazy things I've done, looking on them fondly, and then inevitably drowning when it rains and the hole fills with water. That's the problem with my plan. There's something else besides me and the hole. Emerald. I can't very well let the love I have drown me, I should be protecting it from the very same myself. That is to say, I feel like I should be doing something for her to make sure she's alright. I realize I've sort of been doing that anyway... but after that dream I had... I'm none too sure what I'd do if something were to happen, but I'm fairly certain my life would come to a halt. Not that it would have to slow very much. The entire world is spinning past my eyes. I can't say I'm not tired of it, but I've made the choice to be loyal to this cause and I'm not backing out of it. To be honest, I can't even really think of abandoning it.

So many people have tried to pull me out of this; to set me on a new track of sorts... Why can't people understand that I know I've fallen in love? Why can't they just see that I'm not kidding myself, that I've walked into my light, into her light? A light, a love, that warms me deep inside.

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A Mind Laced With Lunacy.
Friday 1.21.05 8:30 pm

Yes, I'm back in Track. I really, really hate it now. Mr. McMullin is the main reason for my newfound hate. I've run two "warmups" in two days that've killed me beyond all comprehension. The first day, we ran five miles with drills breaking it into three and two miles segments. And today he decided to have us start out with a ten minute run... that turned into a fifteen minute run, so he killed my stamina as I did just over two miles. Then we started drills, which were sprints. Those were fine. But after each set of sprints, we had to run another lap. We had seven sets. For non-tracky people, that's a mile and three quarters... But an enitre lap after sprinting your brains out sucks. But, no, that's not it. When I finished my run, he had the nerve to come up to me and ask me to join cross-country. I swear, if I hadn't been about to collapse and had legs that felt like anything better than Jello that I would have punched him.

Also, I think I'm in pretty good shape considering the circumstances. At least I can force myself to go through with the workouts he's been giving... But I know I'm going to be sore as hell tomorrow. I seriously woke up a few minutes ago and I could not keep my legs from shaking as I walked to the kitchen. Hating track has never been so easy.

My new math teacher is pretty damn retarded. She went around to check homework and the first thing she asked when she saw mine was, "Whose is this?" When I explained that my handwriting can look rather girly, she asked, "Well, this looks like an answer sheet that I'd make. Where'd you get it?" I was getting sort of angry, so I tried to explain that I highlight things so it's easier to check so what's she do? She takes my paper out of my binder and says she's going to ask my other teachers if I make a habit out of cheating and lying about it. Being incredibly pissed, I walked over to her, took my paper, and stared. She got a really sour look on her face, went to her desk, and started writing something.

Lastly, and the subject which is most on my mind, I had an extremely depressing dream about Emerald last night. It was one of those dreams where you wake up and cry about it. Which I did. For quite a long time, in fact. From four, when I woke up depressed by what I'd "seen", until about five thirty. Of course, there were times of heavier crying than some, but it was pretty constant, if not entirely. I was going to tell her, but I had a feeling she wouldn't want to hear it... plus I wanted to say something that was inspired by said dream, but I didn't want her to get upset. I should've sat with her, though... I've been yelling at myself for that all day...

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Shallow Thoughts
Wednesday 1.12.05 7:14 pm

Yes, it's finals week. They give us too much time for them, so I've resorted to playing games on my calculator to fill the empty time... well, I read a bit too, but that's my main waste of time. I haven't studied for anything since I really don't care how shitty my grades are at the moment. I'm too tired to care. Physics, which I'm taking the final for tomorrow, is probably the only thing I feel like I need to study for, but I don't want to. There are too many distractions.

I can think of multitudes of things I could do to occupy my time instead of studying, there's: listening to music, thinking of someone special, playing this really fun japanese fighting game I pirated yesterday, reading, fiddling with my calculator, playing instruments, sleeping, and many other forms of procrastination (such as this).

I forgot taking a shower. Je vais aller prendre une douche. Feeling clean on the last day of finals will have a good effect on me... hopefully. Of course I can't see why it's any different than any other shower I've taken this week, but it should be... At least I won't scare people away with anything but my ugliness.

Later, DS
~ One day Dad asked me to go fishing with him. I got scared. I had the feeling he was going to try to drown me. I don't know why I thought that, because so far he had never tried to kill me. But he had never taken me fishing either, so I was suspicious. When we got to the lake, he walked right up to it. "Hey, son, come here," he said. "Look at these minnows." "Nice try, Dad - if that's your real name!" I yelled. Then I ran back to the car and locked myself in. Dad never took me fishing again. So I think that proves my case.

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