wow...it have been such a long time since i last update here. i guess i am just too busy, though i wasn't sure what i am busying with.

my puppies are now more than two months and they are getting fatter and fatter.i don't know what to do with them and maybe because they are changing their furs, the furs keep falling out and gosh, they start to chew everything they see and all the shoes, the pants and even the chairs are their victims. and i don't know how to stop them. even if they get their toys, they still start to chew on things they think is nice rather than the toys. man...!i need help on that.

and somehow, i think my house is a dog zoo. with 4 adult dogs and 5 baby dogs. so glad the puppies will be sent away soon, if not, my house will be doggie chaotic.

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i feel so bored.

i am stuck in a school when today is supposed to be my free day, and just had an extra lesson where all the students keep so quiet and the teacher throwing his temper. it was after exams, what does he expect? am i wrong to say that it is normal for kids to forget part of their school work after they came back from the holidays? he don't even want to revise with us and start making us work out the answer for his questions. no help allowed too. when friends turned around to help the 'friend in trouble', he will ask that kid to shut up and let the student alone to work out the questions. when the the student could not work out his answer, he will get mad.

why is he always putting his assumptions onto us?? he assumed we are super kids, kids who never forget about anything. he assumed we all knew his lessons and that the lessons he taught right from the start are just revisions. for goodness sake, he knew!! HE KNEW i have no A maths basic and he was like on and on telling everyone that all those that he taught were learnt in the secondary school.

*sigh!*

and man!! he keep referring to secondary school as second school. gosh, my second school is another primary school that i have transferred to when i was in primary one!!!

*sigh!*

i guess the only thing i can do now is to sigh and wait till for his next lesson, which is about minutes later. gosh. he just don't know that he has a very very bad temper and is very very impatient. man, my buddy is gone, i am so so so lonely.

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i have given up.

i keep telling people they shouldn't feel numb when it comes to feelings, for there is no way anyone could feel numb. they are just hiding from it. when talk about it, they will still feel the pain and everything.

but the more i am telling others that, the more i numb myself. not to say numb, but hide. each time i feel something sad, i would just take a deep breathe and push the problems away, don't wanna touch it anymore, don't even wanna try to solve it. i just leave it there, leave it for it to rot my heart and get myself more and more depressed each time.

i don't feel the need to solve the problem, for it just happen again and again. same problem, till i given up struggling away from it.

let it swallow me ba, let it take away my feelings, and let it take away this cage i am trapped in. i am so so so tired of all these. let it be ba.

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*sigh!*

i wanted to update something but i don't know what i wanna update, so i guess i will update an empty post, a whole post filled with what i want to write but without a main topic on what i really want to write.

i am now in a class i am not suppose to be in, for i did not take this subject. but because i want to use the computer, i am stuck here. in a few seconds time, i think i will just end this post and start revising my maths.

so, goodbye.

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damn!!i am totally frustrated at my brother. so frustrated that i wish i have the energy to just punch him and kick him smack his face. i was angry. he swept all the rubbish to under my bed. i was just away for a day, A DAY ONLY and damn hell he did this kind of thing. he told me it was by accident. by how am i to believe when there is a hell lot of them down there?!!i do swept my room!SO I KNOW HOW MUCH RUBBISH IT WILL ROUGHLY BE UNDER MY BED. i mean the other places maybe because of those feet that it is dirty but there is no way a person walk under a bed when the height is only about 30cm tall. WHY DO I END UP WITH SUCH A BROTHER THAT MESS UP MY ROOM?!?!IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!!!

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my arms are bleeding, and yet i feel nothing
they said it is painful
but it is never painful to me.
i can care nothing anymore
for it felt miserable
when laughing become a reflex action
and my heart felt pit less
and my brain wasn't even sure
why was that joke funny.
i become so mood less
where emotions
are becoming reflex actions
a joke where i don't know why i am laughing
a happy picture that made me cry even when i don't want to
what is my world becoming to?
i am living
in
misery
a world where no one else
can feel
what i feel.

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