Holy nostalgic avatar, Batman! Nice to see you again, 武田真治 (Takeda Shinji). Maybe you really are my first, my last, and my everything. Definitely the longest. Suddenly, I feel so dirty.
22:16 Comment! (1) | Recommend! | Categories: site [t]
I only caught the tail end of some guy's act in a subway car, because the track noise was too loud and his slight frame produced a voice too soft. When the train slowed, I finally heard him and through the arms of standing people, managed to see him swallow one of those long balloons -- the kind you make balloon animals or an elaborate 19th-century carousel out of. And then that was it. I heard mild applause, but I wasn't sure if it were the spectators or the performer himself. He began to head to the ends of the car to collect money, which only amounted to a dollar (one guy gave a one-dollar bill). Would you want to support a man whose potential, apparently, is to be a drug mule? Also, when he came in from the next car, he scratched his butt crack as he passed my seat. I didn't want to support that, either. Strangely enough, when he was done he just sat down, started a conversation with the person next to him, and ate a sandwich while drinking a Capri Sun.
18:21
Comment! (5) | Recommend! | Categories: new york city [t], subway [t]
I remember, like, nine years ago when half of these answers didn't exist... so old am I... ;_;
Answers
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads. This brought such occurrences into being.
John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Fox Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.
Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective): I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my bathroom.
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.
M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.
George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Plato: For the greater good.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I've not been told!
OJ Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
23:55 Comment! (4) | Recommend! | Categories: jokes [t]
You'd think all my years walking around, riding public transportation in NYC I'd hear plenty of people farting publicly, but that's not true. Yet in the last week, I've heard more open flatulence from strangers than I have heard in the past ten years. So, if you can guess how many, I will send you 50 pps. (Just comment once.)
22:22
Comment! (12) | Recommend! | Categories: new york city [t], random [t]
Safe Sex Options
These days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a matter of life and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe":
- Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.
- Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.
- Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the clergy from harm."
- Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you.
- Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.
- When taking four cocks in the ass, make sure to have an equal amount of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance.
- Before fellating anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"
- Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape.
- You CAN get it from kissing -- tear out partner's tongue before any mouth-to-mouth contact.
- To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.
- If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out beforehand to hope for the best.
22:31 Comment! (16) | Recommend! (12) | Categories: jokes [t], condoms [t]
