Babyface- "Sorry for the stupid things"

DONT YOU JUST LOVE IT WHEN IT HAPPENS?! And it doesnt just happen with guys that youlike/likeyou and even just friends!! Ugh. Either one reads too into something or one doesn't get a clue. So why is there miscommunication? Why? Aren't we the same species?!

GOSH its so much easier when theres more attractice/interesting available guys in my area :[

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EDIT June22-
Actually I'm not going to worry about it xP

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I don't believe people are born with personality. I think we grow into our characters. Today I had a major frustration breakdown. I was angry. I was agitated. What made me so angry was my mother.

My mother is that nice lady. Pretty much the motherliest mother of mothers. She's caring, nice, stands by her man, nags constantly, overprotective, money smart, she can cook like a 5star chinese chef AND bake. My moms a good mom. She's always been kind and strong. A great figure for a mother. I used to want to be just like her but lately my opinion changed. How do you tell this woman whose whacky action's intents were only because she loves you "I love you but I don't want to be like you. You aren't exactly what I have in mind of who I want to be anymore." There's just no way.

If I look at her in a psychologist way, she didn't have much of a childhood. Most of her childhood she had been struggling to come to America. Even in her teen years she struggled to survive. I'm living like a God compared to how she grew up. She owned one pair of shoes at all times. She'd wear the boots til they broke and kept wearing them until she had enough money for new shoes.

It really tore me up today when I asked her to hang out with an old friend. But then I realized I wasn't mad that she was sort of keeping me from him. I mean if I didn't lose my temper and left and feel like punching something, I would've probably told her I was only going to go with him and it wasn't a date and if it was I'd tell her. But no, I didn't I couldn't stand her that moment. I wanted to yell at her like the teenager I am inside that she doesn't get it and that she doesn't trust me and that I'd move out and leave as far as possible from here. But I didn't. I don't believe in those outbursts. They can really hurt people.

Maybe I'm acting up because I feel suffocated and smothered by my parents. Well my mom especially. I just want to go out there and live but I don't think she knows how to live. The only way she knows how to live is to survive. I want to live and have fun while doing it. And this made me realize I don't want to be like her anymore. With my kids sure, I'll be that spectacular mom but I'll be fun too.

I have a relative a few months younger. Boldly she tells her mother everything. She told her mother when she got her first kiss. She told her when she planned to date with a young man. She even told her mother if he was some man whore. She already told her mom she didn't plan on being a virgin on her wedding day. I mean I'd love to have that kind of relationship with my mom. But I feel like shes so old fashioned and closed to thinking other ways that we can never have that. But it could also be me. I'm too afraid to bring up certain subjects.

I mean once at a neighbors party, she was the only asian woman amongst them. They were all white and the mothers agreed they didnt want their kids to take too many AP classes or to stress too much about going into some big college because they didnt have to stress so much when they were their age and they want their kids to have a good childhood. And my mom was NODDING in AGREEMENT. But I don't think she believes that or she wouldn't be holding me back from doing all these great things. Sometimes I'm on the verge of hating her and rebeling to the max. Like getting someone to pick me up so I won't arrive back til the next afternoon. But I know how much I would worry her and how pissed my father would be and how disapproving my brother would be and I couldn't stand that. Meanwhile I'm lost on what to do. I feel caged. I don't think that this is a naiive thought. I'm just social. I want to go out there and be with people who i can have a good time with. People who trust me because I doubt my mom trusts me or else she won't tackle me with questions. My dad even said that to her when he was mad at her. He didn't understand why she asked so many questions. He added to his remark of disbelief, "No wonder your kids don't want to talk to you. I wouldn't either if you asked all these useless questions!" And I mean I agree but it was hurtful that he said that. She was being motherly but I think she could definitely lighten up and not be such a control freak who needs to know every detail. It makes me want to be less and less like her. I just miss being free and I don't think its naive to want to be free. Meanwhile the closest thing to that is dreaming and my thoughts.

I don't know.. maybe I am being naive.

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I think I'll use this to post up my story. I made too many weblogs already with other programs but decided to try this out. Yay :B. And I guess I'll post some odd pictures of myself too. Just because. Have a kickass day :)

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