Kyle stuck out in the corner of my eye all day today. I tried to blame it on the fact that he was just always convienently there, but instead I found that I always seemed to be scanning the area I thought he would be while I walked by.

I don't understand. I don't really like him, in all honesty he's not the one who appears in my imagination when I happen to watch a corny movie with a corny love scene and I happen to come up with my own corny girly scenario.

So I don't get why I'm thinking about him. Okay, I suppose that dream I had confused the fuck out of me and that's why I'm always looking for him and such now... however, that doesn't explain why I had that dream in the first place.

How realistic it was. How I actually remembered tiniest details. The fact it wasn't filled with flying carpets and banana-flavored dirt. That doesn't explain anything.

Perhaps it's nothing, and I just happened to be woken at a specific time during my REM sleep that allowed me to remember everything so vividly. Who knows.

Anyways, I combined Lucky Charms with Trix and invented the tastiest cereal ever. Hence the title of this entry.

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is how hard you're willing to fight for it.

Or so I've heard.

"See, I knew you liked it," I accused Kyle as he told me not to leave. I had kissed him, and he had kissed back. Now, as everyone walked away, I began to follow thinking he was too pansy to go any farther. But he grabbed my wrist and he told me to stay.

I lifted his arm and curled up under it. He was laying on the wall, the salt wind toying with our hair.

He looked over at me. "You realize this is just a dream, right?"

I nodded, "Yeah.."

"Will you do it in real life?"

"I would," I blinked at him, "but you wouldn't."

"You didn't give me a choice here," he told me, "why there?"

He had turned to look up. It had miraculously become nighttime. "Because I know you," I replied, following his gaze and looking up, "and I know you wouldn't go for it."

"Maybe I would," he argued.

"No, you wouldn't."

"Do you love me?"

"No."

"Then why do you care?"

"I don't."

"Then why are you dreaming this?"

I thought about it for a second. I closed my eyes and said, "I'm not."

Then I woke up in my bed, my cat gnawing at my toes.

Weirdest, most realistic dream ever. I have no idea what to think of it.

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Slam poetry.

Introduced by my Creative Writing teacher.

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"What are you doing?" Andrew was laying on his back on the bed, his knees by his ears, flinging his feet back and forth.
"I'm walking on the ceiling!"
"You need a life's ambition."
"What about you? What's your life's ambition, huh!?"
"...I'm in tenth grade and I'm not walking on the ceiling!"

I was being so mean to Andrew today. Another example, my sister was looking at underwear online when Andrew said,

"Oooh, I would wear that!" I paused and backed up to look at the screen, giving Andrew a weird look. "Whaaat?" he said upon seeing my look.
"Nothing," I replied, "I just wanted to see what was on the screen before I judged you."

Hahah, I probably shouldn't be so mean seeing as he's been driving me to and from school recently. But it's fun to pick on him.

Anyways, my second first day of school was good too. My AP Psych teacher is a little spacey, but she's sweet. Seems like it'll be a good enough class.

In second period, we did some "ice breaker" activity, where you had to stand up and say your name and something about you. Most people said something like, "I'm _____ and I have 3 dogs and a cat."

Then there was this (pretty cute, if I say so myself) kid who stand up and goes, "I'm Dayne (if that's how he spells it) and I'm in a band. I'm going to be a rockstar! when I grow up." He said it in a half-mocking, half-serious way. It was funny.

When I stood up, I had to fling the bangs out of my face. So I went, "I'm Jes, and my bangs are excrutiatingly annoying so if you see me twitching it's probably because they're stabbing me in the eye."

A bunch of girls (and guys with long hair) replied with such things as, "I feel ya, I feel ya." It was amusing.

Lunch was fun too. Kyle sat next to me today, and at one point I kinda glanced over at him and it seemed like he was about to say something but changed his mind. I wish he would just talk to me like a normal person instead of doing this shy shit he's pulling.

Anyways, my Chem teacher rocks. She's one of those young, energetic teachers who reinacts and physically demonstrates everything she's talking about. At one point she even threatened to throw her gum at some kid.

But the really funny part is when I made Michael flip out. See, I have an old habit of using, "You can't ______, I'm cute!"

For example: "You can't hit me, I'm cute!" or "You wouldn't do that, I'm cute!"

Up until now, nobody has witnessed why I say that. Then today, we got assigned seating (convienently mine was right next to Michael -- later he admitted that he was hoping it worked out like that) and Daph is diagnol to me. So I liked where I was.

Then my teacher was like, "This class is kinda small, so this row" indicating to mine "move to the other side of the room."

I flashed her the puppy dog eyes, curled into myself a little, battered my eyelashed, and quivered my lip and she's like, "Oh, fine, stay there."

Michael started flipping out. It was hilarious. Then I teased him all, "How could you let something this adorable go? Beats me."

Of course, my cockiness is all show, 'cause we all know I have absolutely no esteem.

Daphne said later, "What was with you and Michael? During class I kept looking at you guys, and you were always glancing at each other and giggling and shit."

I didn't realized that. But what I did realized was how I was noticing all the small things about him that I loved so much... like the way he's the only person who can only write if their head is down, or the way he gets adorably insecure when he has to put on his glasses. Fuck.

I don't want to see those things in him. I want to see the him who crushed my faith in guys, who had the first month of my summer coated in misery. The last thing I need is to fall for him again -- I just can't do that. I know there won't ever be anything between us again, and I really don't want to fall for him.

So I'm hoping that I was just being all giddy because of the excitement of a new class and such, not him.

But after Chem, Michael and I went one way and Daphne went the other. So when it was time for us to part ways, he goes to give me a hug. I assumed it would just be a quick friend-hug that everyone seems to do, but it ended up turning into one of those full, exaggerated hugs that we used to do when we were dating.

Well, it started to, but I got freaked out and pulled out of the hug. Then I was like, "...It feels like we're dating again."

"Yeah.." he agreed. "It's weird."

Seeing as the only way I know how to handle moments like that is to make a joke out of them, I went up to and started singing, "You think I'm gooorgeous! You wanna looove me!"

I don't know. I'm just going to try to focus on the way he hurt me. Because I know he doesn't want anything between us, and I don't either, and so nothing can be, and that's it, so I'm just not going to talk about it anymore.

My math teacher is fuckin' psychotic. She was so... weird. She tried to be all strict and shit, but sometimes she'd break and start laughing. Then she was like, "I like my classes... on A days."

To which I said, "Oh that's comforting," considering we have her on B days. I don't remember what she said back, but then I went, "That's like... day-racist."

She just laughed and went on.

So far, I like all of my teachers. It seems like I got a bunch of really good ones this year. I particularly enjoy Kiger, my creative writing teacher; Altschuer, my math; and Ibrahim, my chem. I like the rest of them, but those seem to be particularly good teachers.

I told you all this year would be a good one!

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