watching: nothing listening to: avril mood: happyending ok so yeah i have lost the love of my life. me and tim are not togeather any more and it sux.. i love him so much and always will but i guess it is time for me to move on. and the only song that i can think of that could even beging to explain what happend or how i feel and shit so yeah it would be avril lavine..happy ending..but yeah i cryed for like 2 days about the break up but hey what ever i guess i can move on now.. but i need to call him its his bday and i would never forgive my self it i didnt call him.so yeah i started school 3days ago and its ok i met this girl and she use to live in northcaralina too. she knows some of my old friends and we have a lot in comin so yeah i hope we become good friends and all. o yeah charlotte might move in with me.. yeah i hope so she would be like my sister and always here and she would know how to fix my broken world and all. yeah so g2g have nothing els to really say and i want to listen to that song again so peace~*~AsHLiMoChA~*~

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watching: the computer screen and my dog bit chars ass too!lol listening to: music mood: tears droping from my face yeah so it has been a fun 2 weeks with charlotte being here omg i think r relationship has grow alot sents she has been here. i love her so much and i am so glade she came i have missed her. it has been almost a year sents the last time i saw her. and i cant wait till xmas break to go to cali and see her. and then cant wait till the summer till i can drive so when i see her i wont have to wail till some one comes home to go any were. i can go and drive on my own with my own car. omg this weekend was crazy because i went to my cousins house and we had so much fun partying and all yeah man. i still havent talk to tim but i guys i am getting over him but i still love him with all my heart and all. but i have met some one new his name is derek and he is so sweet. but the only problem is that he lives in cali and i live in flor. god it sux living here because of all my friends live in nc or cali. and the one thing that is keeping me going is that my cousins live here about an hour and a half away so i can see then some and all and that knowing that i am going to cali for xmas break i hope and all.thats if my mom doesnt back out.but yeah i hope that i het to go. even if it is only for like 2 ta 3 weeks and all. but yeah. so i guess i start school on the 5th that sux the more i think about it the more i get scared. because of meeting new people and all and then all not know what is going to happen i mean when i lived in cali i know everone and there past too so it was alot easyer to know what to expect and the same with n.c but i guess all in good time i will find out. but yeah well g2g hang out with char because this is her last night here and all. and there is so much to say and do and talk about and not enogh time to do it in . well peace.

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watching: little jids shows listening to: kids wineing mood: so so to day i picked up my little sister and brother.i talked to charlotte and she is still coming. yeah im so happy.well g2g every body els wants the computer so i got to get off but i will write some more later.

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watching: the light of the moon listening to: the silents of life mood: not sure i have mixed feelings so yeah its offical my life sux ass. my mom is a bitch. she has ruined my life this time and i dont know if i can forgive her.i probly will but not now i cant. she almost ruined me and charlottes relationship as friends and her mom is so pissed. because my mom insalted her mom. and also made up a bunch of lies. y would a mom wont to hurt there kids but my dad said it will all blow over just give it some time. so i guess i am stuck here till my senior year of high school and all. but what ever i dont care any more the only thing that matters is that i get good greads and still talk to charlotte and tim constantly. god are phone bill is going to be so high i hope my dad doesnt get to mad at me but what ever i have been doing good he says. im glade i live with my dad and not my mom any more at lest he wont put me down and hurt my feelings and pick up and move like every year. and he will give me so much freedom but under one condition no druges of any kind. so yeah i can live with that i am going to try to get a job.so i can have some exter cash saved up to go to the mall and pay my car payment with and insurents.well my car is payed off but i dont like that death trap so i am going to get another car.and i am going to be the one paying for it not any body els. i feel like i am getting my life back or just now getting one. because with my mom she tryed to control me. all of me my feelings my thoughts my personalty. my stayal. but with my dad he is seting me free to be my own person and not to many parents let there kids do that and if i ever deside to get married and have kids i will let my kids be there own person not some one i wont them to be. just aslong as they dont do drugs at all. i know they r goign to try them but i will teach them that there not ok and never but them around drugs. thats one mastak my mom did is let my grow up with them and turn around and say i couldnt do them. what a hipacrit. god some people r just plan stupped or turn that way. not saying my momis stuped but that some of her choses and actions in life r. but that what we have to learn from r mastaks i guess. but any ways enoght with this shit. im way to tiered to sound smart. and way too blonde ethere.~*~AsHLi~*~

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watching: the computer screen listening to: all kinds of shit mood: good day so far omg charlotte is coming next tuesday or wensday im so glade because that is my bestest friend i have had best friends but none like this she great. i dont think ill ever have another best friend like her. and i still havent talked to tim.guurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.is been like a mounth but im still hanging in there god i miss his vocie so much it just tairs me a part that i cant see or even talk to him if i coulnd just have one more day i would be good for a hole year.god i miss then both well g2g because im going to orlando again to see my babys. ok well peace out bitchs j/k.lol ~*~AsHLi~*~

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watching: last night i saw the notebook it was realy good it reminded me of me an tim listening to: taking back sunday mood: unsure the greatest high is the one u get from life. today i woke up and this pain tuging at my heart. thinking of tim. dreaming of tim. wondering does he think of me as much as i think of him.does he realy love me.these quitions that i have no answers to, because i havent talked to him in like 3 weeks and that hurts.last night my cousin said i need to think about the posabilty that he has another girl friend. but i dont know.that is the one thing that keeps me from being high on life is not knowing.i dont care if he does well yeah i do but i just would like if he would tell me insted of me haveing to wonder.i hope that he is being as faithful to me as i am to him. i love him so much but if i am not the one he wonts to be with than so be it .i just wont him to tell me if thats true or not. then on the other hand he could be still grounded or at his dads.but if i look past it im finly content with the past i regret. iv fact all my demens and now its time to move on but ill never forget the ones who make me smile.i will never forget tim because hes my frist love and first loves never leave u. ur always going to love them and dream about them. and i will never forget charlotte she has touched my soul in so many ways i cant even begin to count.well im just waiting to be able to call tim and him answer.and waiting for charlotte to get that plan ticket to come and see me.yeah i miss them so much it hurts. but i guess im going to start living my life like this saying i heard the othere day. (dont cry because its over. smily because it happend.)well iv been clean for like 2 monts now and thoughs who know me know that is realy good for me the longest iv ever been clean was like 3weeks and then i gave in. but not this time i think if i wont to get high ill just get high on life.well peace out home sqates,hehehe~ASHLI~

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