But there are guests outside and I don't want to say hi...

-Holds it in >_<;;-

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Lately I've been thinking about the past, particularly my ex. We ended our relationship quite peacefully, except he was kind of annoying afterwards so I cut off all of my contacts with him. The thing is, though, my memories have always been of his behavior after the breakup, not of him when we were dating. We had some good memories, his care for me to get me eating, his cooking, him constantly telling me that he loved me every day, his protective hug and cuddle while we were watching a movie. It makes me wonder what made us call it off in the first place. I know it was him saying that he was bored, but maybe that was his cue for me to hang out with him more instead of me suggesting that we should split up. Maybe. Maybe...

Wait. There were also bad memories. He always compared me with his hot and tall ex girlfriend. He never chatted with me much online despite knowing I can't meet up. And he told me that he was bored, when in fact, he had just got a new crush on another girl.

Maybe it's because I never remember the honeymoon phase in our relationship that I still don't like him.

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I find myself buying clothes that I would like to look good in despite not actually looking good in it.

What is that, the advertisement effect? I see the clothes look great on models so I buy them and try them on, and even though they don't even look as good, I buy them anyway hoping that later on they'll... look good on me...?

It's like I'm hoping people would see me looking like the model. That's probably why I even buy more and more clothes, probably just to get compliments or people to stare at me.

And since I've realized this, whenever I go out with my friends or with Ryan to shop, I would immediately go "Would you like to see me wearing this or would you like to see me wearing that?"

It's no longer buying clothes just to satisfy my needs, it's now buying clothes so other people would approve of me, and even come to like me more, not that they didn't like me before.... :D

With that said, just bought clothes for University. I'M NOW READY FOR ORIENTATION 101.

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I dyed my hair despite telling myself I wouldn't do it anymore.

I bought a dark violet dye bottle though, hoping that since it's dark it wouldn't be that noticeable.

It turned brown.

That's the opposite color of violet. What?

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