I'm going to end up broke messing with Anna-Marie. haha.

I was supposed to hang out with Levy, but I wasn't really up for going to the mall today. Anna-Marie dropped by with DeWayne and I was pretty happy. I have fun with Anna and I hadn't seen DeWayne in over a year. I introduced him to Grandma, Pepper, and Skippy. Of course Skippy liked him. heh.

We walked down the street and made Tauheed get out of the house. Anna hadn't seen him in about four years so they chatted. It was awkward. Not only because of all of us just being completely different people now, but his roommate kept eyeballing me - HARD. Usually, I don't notice a guy checking me out, but his roommate was so in-my-face. He asked me how I was doing twice and just kept looking at me up and down with this hungry grin. *shudder* Yeah, so DeWayne's gaydar went off around Tauheed. heh. I knew it!

Tauheed got on my case again about not showing up at his party, lied and told Anna that I smoked a whole blunt with him. I am not a weed person and to be honest, I don't like being close to people who do it. But anyway.

So yeah, he invited us to another party and we ended up not going, of course. We went to Ruby Tuesday's and ate. It was so fun! I took pictures, but my computer is a POS so I can't load them until I can get to a computer. I have pictures of DeWayne playing with (or threatening) Skippy, a really nice one of Anna and DeWayne, and some random things like what we ate and the glass DeWayne broke! haha, They kept picking off of my food, but that's alright. I had fun. It was nice to get out.

We ended up riding around Petersburg and showing DeWayne parts of the ghetto like Plum Street. lmao. We went around Camelot and Walnut Hill too. We ended up passing by Quint's house, so I called him but I think he was on the phone or something and I didn't want to ring his doorbell so late at night. I think he left a brush or something in the car last time I saw him and I had it with me. No biggie, though. God, it sucks so bad that there's really no one else here that I know.

I need to move to Richmond. heh. Maybe when I do go to school, I could transfer to VCU and me and Anna can get an apartment and split the rent. I don't know. I wouldn't want something to go wrong in our friendship if it didn't work out.

I feel kind of bad now because I keep putting off Levy. I wanted to talk to James some more tonight but I think he really just needs to sleep. If I didn't have to work in the morning, I probably would've tried to go back to Richmond with Anna. Oh poo.
I need a car. Poor me.

It'll all work out, though. I see good things happening. I have a good job, my social life is normal, and I'm just being me. I feel so grateful.

OH! Anna caught up with our old friend April. *wipes tear from eye* We went through Tanglewood and reminisced. I remember staying at Anna's from days at a time, and April would just burst through her door without knocking and go, "HEY Y'ALL!" *sniffle* Cute ol' country April turned into a sexy, hot Florida girl. I don't know if she even thinks much of me anymore, but I'd like to see her again one day.

Hm. My eyes have really been opened. Like, really. I feel like I'm seeing people for what they really are. Also, I think I've finally learned to not put ANYTHING past anyone.

And with that, I say...
Nighty. I'm calling Josh now. I will have more to say tomorrow.

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I just got home from work. I kind of went cruising after I clocked out before I got home. Eh. I really don't like Petersburg. It's a ghetto piece of shit and it can't go anywhere but downhill from here. It sucks. After Richard Bland, I feel like I can't stay here much longer. Either way, I'm not giving up anymore. I swear it this time.

So. Just when I thought I was being screwed over and that my boss was bullshitting when he said he was going to make me a FES, the lady who was in charge of me today trained me a bit. It's cool. I swear, I'll still be the nice Tammi that I am once I officially get the title, but my job is going to be so much easier. I don't have to worry about other workers within my ranking not doing their part and putting it all on me because I will be able to get them in trouble. This is not to say that this has been going on, but it sort of did at the other Michaels I worked for.

I wonder if my boss thinks it's annoying or really good that I'm giddy and high-spirited with customers. Heh. I think he likes me quite a bit. He went out of his way to comment on my accuracy yesterday. ^.^ Yayness. Seems as if I just keep moving up.

I think there are three potential friends at my job so far. I'm not really interested in gaining work friends, but I really feel like I can identify better with these people than I could at the other store. I mean, I definitely think that #4716 is more professional than #2032, but #4716 was full of rich people that I absolutely had nothing in common with. One of the girls I work with told me today that she is twenty-two and is going back to Richard Bland. Nice.

Oh! I hung out with Anna and Shannon last night very briefly. We went to Francesca's house, but she was dead asleep. I met her mom and she seems so nice. She seemed like the type of mother I'd love to have. (Mommy, I still love you.) I learned that she works at the arcade in the mall. That's kind of cool.

So me, Anna, and Shannon went to Ruby Tuesday's after I'd mentioned Tauheed. Of course, he wasn't working that night. Figures. We ate anyway and now I owe Anna big-time because she paid for my dinner. While we were eating, we kept tripping out. I don't know what it is but Shannon reminds me of myself. She's pretty funny.

"The only reason I called him was because I wanted him to unload my U-Haul" rofl!

When Anna dropped me off, Tauheed was still nowhere to be found, so we gave up the search. It made me sad to leave. I don't wish that Anna still lived in Petersburg - I wouldn't wish that on anyone - but I miss hanging out with her. I wish I could be in Richmond with everyone else. Hmph. Patience and time, I need.

I talked to James last night and I was still a little peeved from the night before. That's okay, though. I'm not dwelling on it, but I think I can see the picture now.

I talked with Josh a little. He seemingly likes me now, which I find strange. He gives me this comforting and friendly vibe - the kind James gave me when we first started talking - and I don't like it much. Hm. I like it, but I don't trust it. Like I've said, I think I really am done with taking guys seriously for right now unless I am just sure that I've found the "one". Josh is really nice and flatters me, but though he makes $400 a week (and I mean this in the nicest way possible), he seems like a kid to me. Not only that, but he smokes (if you know what I mean).

No more kids. I am only romantically interested in men now. I can't go back to dating boys after I've been with James. Heh. Before, I couldn't understand the logic, but I can't be with a guy who's not either making a career for himself or at least going to school. It's a no-no. Sooner or later, I may just want a family, and I can't have a husband for a child or even just a boyfriend I feel I'm babysitting. End of story.

Anyways. I want to take a nap.

Oh, and Anna told me that Peggy called her mom and asked where she got her car from. Hm? Methinks Peggy has something up her sleeve. Would be nice if it was a car for me. Hah. Not holding my breath.

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haha, I played DDR. I sucked at it, but I never thought I'd see the day I'd attempt to play it. Surprisingly, Quint and I didn't do much at the mall, but I had fun. I really just wanted to get out of the house, too. I let him borrow my Fall Out Boy CD. I miss it already.

I called Josh after I dropped off Quint because I'd silenced his phone call when he called me the first time because I didn't realize it was him. Oops. >.< I've known him for about two or three years, but I never talked to him seriously. What I mean is, I'd talk to him online, but we'd only talk when I'd sign on the screen names he knew of.

I'd be damned if he doesn't remind me of a - for lack of a better word - wigger version of James in regards in the way he looks and talks. He seems really nice and sincere, too. He lives in Georgia, but it's cool to know people in other places. Who knows? I'm not serious about making new friends right now, but I may visit him someday. I already have two people right outside of Atlanta that I want to see, and yes, that includes Joey.

I think I have a redneck fetish now. rofl

Zexi rednex!

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"Living without a plan or direction is as reckless as driving a car without steering." - Me


And I sit here asking myself why I chose AOL over any other ISP. The greedy part of me says to be grateful that I'm not the one paying the next over-priced bill. I'm afraid the bank is closed today and I need money transfered to my account very badly.

I have a lot of phone calls to make today, which includes friends, non-friends, and companies. Levy, Richard Bland, a Richmond office, Josh, and a couple of other places. (By the way, a new Josh has entered my life - not like that - but instead of labeling them "black" and "white" Josh, I'll start calling the first Josh, Tauheed, which is his real first name anyway.) SO! I'm really not up for making calls because I'm losing my voice, but I want that to change about me. You know... not doing what I need to do for lame excuses?

I think I officially have more male friends than female. haha. Ironically, I don't have a crush on any of them. Levy is cool, but I haven't gotten a chance to hang out with him since I've been here. I think we'll have fun together, though because we're both weird. Weeks and weeks ago, I squashed the Quintus feelings because it was hurting me more than anything else and the best thing about that is that when I last saw him Thursday, I didn't feel anything. ^.^ \/\/0/\/I)3|Z|=|_||_/\/3zz. lmao, God, that hurt. Well, Tauheed I would consider a good friend if he could keep his penis controlled past an hour in great coversation with me. Of course, I don't like him. We're not on good terms right now because of what he did to me a few days ago. It really disturbed me and I'll be damned if I didn't have flashbacks of a certain incident.

I may have to take back something I've just said about not crushing on any guys. I don't know how I feel about James. I think it may just be letting go that's bothering me. I think we may have the potential for being together years from now - like five years or so - but by that time, we both may have someone new in our lives. Who knows? James and I talked about the future and our closeness. He said right now it wouldn't be fair to the girl if he ended up with a girlfriend anytime soon. We also talked about how we were when I had an official boyfriend (Quintus) and how it probably wasn't fair to him. Maybe I should take a long break from the dating scene?

*shrug* Is it alright to have a boyfriend, but also a male best friend that you are a lot closer to?

What would be nice would be the ability to pinpoint exactly what it is I feel because right now it could be anything - disappointment, a crush, being lonely, love for our friendship, doubtfulness, abandonment, and the list goes on. James actually told me last night that a girl asked him for his phone number a couple of days ago. I was kind of sad that he didn't tell me about it. I won't say that I didn't become slightly jealous, but I was way more bothered that he didn't tell me. Ah well.

I don't see it as highly important right now because I'm honestly not very concerned with my love life. I'm pretty content (or more than) with where the academic and career aspects are seemingly going. ^.^ I haven't been caring about much else than becoming a better, stronger person.

I will say that I have come to terms with my issue of guys being after my ass and nothing much more than comfort. I don't take it back; it's true. To the majority of the guys I've dealt with, I have either been a rebound or a nice piece of convienent ass. I've never said that all guys are like that because I really don't like to generalize people so I don't believe that every race, age, and gender share the exact same traits. I know there are plenty of guys who are decent MEN (not boys), I've just haven't found the right one for me yet (unless, in fact, it is James or something).

Today is Tenisha's birthday. I'm considering giving her a call. I want to browse cars today and maybe she can tag along. Desperation? A possibility.

Hm. Well, I'm talking to Quint now, so it looks like I'm heading up to the mall. Here's hoping Medusa lets me use the car. If not, I don't really care because I still have a lot of unpacking to do.

Oh! There's another topic I wanted to approach. Anna-Marie said something the other day that I totally agreed with. She said that she is only as real with people as they are with her. I'm not sure of her logic, but I know my own. I don't feel like getting into it because I want to wrap up this entry so I can take a shower, but I really hate wasting my time and being frustrated with people I'm willing to be totally open with who aren't straight up with me. I can easily detect that sort of behavior and I can easily throw it right back at them, too. I don't intend ever changing that. I guess it's why James is my best friend.

I just wanted that to be known. I treat people how they treat me in every respect unless it's totally going against my nature or what I feel.

One more thing too. Someone told a friend of mine that I was flirting with them. O.o Okay, it seems like quite often guys let their heads balloon. If a girl smiles at you, it does not necessarily mean she's flirting. If she waves at you, it doesn't mean she wants your body. And damn it. If she says hi to you, it doesn't mean she's in love with your ass. Get over yourself, people! A simple interaction with a species of the opposite sex doesn't mean they want you! God damn. Kids. I don't even remember the guy.

Enough rambling.

Kbyebye.

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I'm finally back home. Home? I mean Petersburg, Virginia. It definitely doesn't feel like home. Honestly, I feel like I'm too good for this place.

I've been keeping busy. No one has been making me sad. In other words, I mean that I haven't been letting people getting to me, which is great. I'm feeling like a new person. I love it. I hope things stay this way.

I've set a lot of goals, and god damn it, they will be reached.

Oh, I ended up working at the new Michaels for the first time last Saturday. I called the dude and met up with him on Thursday. It was great. So I'm a FES. What does that mean? *rubs hands together* More money. I'll be getting around $8.25 or more an hour now. He said that during the season, he'll try to work me forty hours a week. I like him, but he doesn't seem to have everything together. I will stay on him!

I really don't have much else to say.

I did have fun yesterday, though. I went out with Anna-Marie, Thomas, Mercelia, RJ, and Leon to O'Charleys. I loved it. Then we went back to her lovely Richmond house, where we got just a little tipsy. I stayed overnight and Leon ended up taking me home. Nice, eh? The only person without a car! That's fine, though. I will have a remedy quite soon for that.

What else? I start once again at Richard Bland in January. Yada yada. Been working on the financial aid stuff. Etcetera. Hopefully, I will be at ODu in three semesters...

I miss James, but he is being a butt.

I hate AOL, but I have it once again. v.v So...

[email protected]
[email protected]

Nighty.

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*waves to Wilmington*

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