mood: bored, lonely and slightly depressed
listening to:

I don't get it. How can some people just go up to others and start talking about anything? I guess I don't understand because I'm shy. I can't go up to someone and just say,"Hey isn't it a lovely day for saying its a lovely day?" or some crap like that. How can people be all friendly-like to people they hardly know? Maybe I'm just jealous that talking to other people can come so easy for some, but not me. I hate when someone you barely know is all, "Yeah, I lost my virginity back in March....." after I've only known them for a few hours. Its like, can't we talk about favorite movies and music first? I hate being so insecure and having low self-esteem. I don't believe in myself. I don't try hard. I just get by. It needs to stop, but habits are hard to kick in the butt. I've been trying for so long, but I haven't changed at all. Why don't I have confidence? How can I stop being so shy? Why can't I just get over myself and put myself out there like eveyone else???? I do have friends but not that many. I guess I'm afraid of who I trust as well. I don't want to get screwed over or be friends with anyone who doesn't give a fuck about me. Don't want that to happen again. Its taken me so long to find a few people who I think (I hope) will stick with me for awhile. Cuz most people I've befriended in the past fade away, I let them, I didn't want to get close to them for whatever reason. But I'm trying to hold on to the ones I have. Is that too desperate? I do feel close to my current friends. I'm mean I'm trying, I really am. So far, I think we're doing ok. I just want to keep these few people cuz I like hanging with them, they listen to me and seem to care about me. But damnit, I just want to find people where I know we can help each other grow. I hope I'm doing that with my current friends, I hope we can help each other. I hate being here-right now. I should be hanging out with my friends, but I can't drive. I'm so pathetic. I need to get over my nervousness and just try to past the damn test. Once I learn how to drive I can go wherever I please and hang out with my friends more and maybe meet new people. I feel like that's the first step for me. License. New job (my current one is ok, but I want to make more money and its kinda boring and I don't really do anything mindblowingly difficult). Join clubs at school. Try to study abroad or transfer (I need to get out of here so badly). But most importantly, NO MORE HALF-ASSING it through life. If I put the effort in, it'll pay off right? Throw myself into it and I'll be rewarded. I need to do this. I can do it. FUCK what everyone else thinks. I need to let me be and I need to change the way I live my life or I'll end up living with my parents till I'm 40.

I need to challenge myself, maybe that will help get my confidence up and then I can finally believe in myself. Please..............

Why can't I create any modules?? Also, I need to learn how to make a cool layout of my very own and how long does it take for my new avatar to show up? I'm sick at looking at Michael Jackson. I wonder what's going on with NuTang lots of areas of the site seem all wonky?

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Back at nuTang. Hopefully for good. I'll fix this later.

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