Nothing too interesting is going on. It's been rather rainy so I don't really want to go out and do anything but sitting around is getting kind of dull also. I'm still pretty mad at Casey since she's worse at taking hints (and blunt statements for that matter) than I am. I think she's kind of mad about the one-sided me and Emerald thing... oh well, it's not really her place to criticize me over it anyway.

Moving on, I'm helping out with a [pretty retarded] German class at Skyline for a few more days and it's been kind of annoying so far. I won't bore you with great detail, but the teacher is an asshole. I don't even know why he needed me to help with the class...

Music rocks, by the way. It's all about Oasis and The Postal Service this week. And Gravity Kills also. Thank you, Music, for preserving my sanity but I can't forgive you for reminding me of lonliness.

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I'd try to say something incredibly profound, but my mind doesn't operate like that. Especially when I haven't been doing anything inspirational. For the sake of updating on things, though, I lived up to my tradition of accidentally alienating people with a record three on Friday: David, Marie, and Casey. Actually, I'm aware of not wanting to talk to Casey for a while thanks to that lovely incident on the Haight that led to her house on... Wednesday? Possibly Thursday. I don't really want to remember. But I'm not really alienating her so much as ignoring. On the flip side, David and Marie want absolutely nothing to do with me as far as I can tell, and Nicole is disgusted with me for some unknown reason.

Nothing too grand has been going on these days. I've gotten over the cookie thing, since Emerald actually ate a few of them... after giving them to Jimmy and sending me into a sort of internal depression until she asked him for some. At least I didn't cry again. That would've sucked.

Oh yes, the Haight without the Casey factor was nice. More music purchased and I even got to hang with John for an hour before the huge argument. We got some damn good "Fish and Chips" at some place called "Fish and Chips" (or something very similar) and were having fun with the tartar sauce.
"Oh. My. God. It's dripping on my leg. Do realize what that looks like?! AHAHAHAHA!" John was laughing so hard he fell over in his chair, sending it flying into the back of some middle-aged woman's chair and causing her to scream with a great intensity. Good times.

But, yeah, nothing too great to discuss. I shared some pizza with Todd while we discussed random stuff and as of... somewhere around eight or nine tonight, I'd mentioned Emerald ten times since two-ish this afternoon (to him, mind). But sharing gossip is always fun and Todd's got some interesting takes on a lot of it.

Later, DS

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I'm kinda mad. My Art History class went into the city, and I thought it was going to be really cool because I was going to go the Haight afterwards, but no. Dr. Hunt made everyone go back into Millbrae with the rest of the class. It was Emerald, Todd, and I that really wanted to stay, if you know who we are and care. Anyway, I ended up conforming and going back to Millbrae, eating with Todd and Tom, then taking Bart back to 16th and Misson and met up with Casey and seven of her giggly friends. It was interesting to say the least. We hit Amoeba, so I'll be getting into some new listening trends as well. Since getting home about an hour ago, I've been liking Moments in Grace - Moonlight Survived (particularly Broken Promises). I also got a Lit CD, one from Keane, and I finally found the 2003 Ward 21 (reggae, if you didn't know) CD. I love them. ^.^

Oh yeah, after that, I spent about four hour shopping at every single clothing store we passed. Some of the stuff they were picking out for me wasn't bad, but it was all too expensive so I made them put it back. And, of course, at the end of the day, Casey got a big smile and pulled a few bags out from hers and everyone had pitched in to get me everything I'd declined. I feel really, really bad. Emerald's the only person I'd even consider spending that much money on... Ugh. Oh well. They'd better not be trying to get me on a guilt trip.

So I actually had a semi-eventful day, which was nice. Just a tad worried about Emerald all day since she was in the city also... even if it is pretty damn safe, a lot of stuff can happen in a San Francisco.

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Yeah, she's definitely going to kill me eventually. For one thing or another. I definitely overstepped the line (again). But... I'll deal with that when it comes... And hopefully things won't get any worse between us. At least I've got a few minutes to be hopeful in three days...

So there's not much going on. I'm actually a day ahead in Physics work, which won't last long, but it's nice to know I'm not slacking yet. Of course, I am slacking in math a bit... and a lot in English... and French. And, well, pretty much every other subject. I'm pretty motivated in PE, though. Mr. Tenerowicz is pretty cool and we either play Lacrosse or Badminton (and I love both sports). He says I'm definitely going to get recruited if we ever make a Lacrosse team for Mills (which kind of annoys me) but I suppose it's all good. I don't think he'd force it on me like Rich and Wheeler - plus there's no way they're going to make a new team with all of this budget-related mess.

And that's the story of my life. I'm worried about love and doing a great job slacking on everything else. It definitely feels like it's worth it though. Three days!

Later, DS
~ Smile like you mean it.

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Okay, is it just me or does it seem really stupid that I've got people asking me for advice about girls? I trip over myself and do the "perfect wrong" pretty much everytime I'm given the option without even realizing it. Now if that's not a good reason to quit asking me for advice, I don't know what is... But it apparently isn't too good of a reason since they ask after I explain that to them at length... I try not to say too much because it's definitely not right to lead anyone into my sort of rut.

And, also, you can't go to people for problems with everything. What kind of a boyfriend is someone who asks some other guy what to do in every situation he gets/wants to get into? It's like you're a walking version of the other guy - taking the main part of his personality and making those decisions seem your own. I feel pretty bad for anyone that might happen to, since it's stupid to do anything you don't want to yourself. If you accept that someone else's idea is better than your own without considerable thought towards the idea you had... Sorry, but you're hopeless. Especially if you don't even think for yourself and just ask someone else to think for you. I'll tell you what that is. Retarded.
Well, enough of that.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Life sucks. Blah. Blah. Blah, blah, blah, I'm depressed. Blah. (I've been reading a lot of that as of late and it's getting to me. I'm not saying I'm not like that, since I do whine about stuff, but it does get annoying. At least there are a few people that are actually justified in saying their lives suck...)

Anyway. Not too much going on with me. Yes, I'm still sad about all of this that's going on, but I'm hopeful too. That, in turn, makes me hopeless, apparently. Go figure. I hope I did the right thing for her today...

Later, DS
~ Friday I'm in Love. It's a fitting song, right? (Despite the fact that it's continuous.)

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I reread my last entry and realized it really didn't make any sense. If you read it, start wondering why you did. Or rather, how you could.

Anyway, I woke up around eleven this morning and started blasting Led Zeppelin until about... two hours ago. It was rather fun, plus I ended up getting a sort of stop-by-and-chat block party going on. I think it was actually more fun when I was just sitting around in front of my house having people coming up and asking if I could turn it down. I should have kept going, but even I can tire of Zeppelin after seven hours or so.

So, yeah, that was my day. Saint Valentine's Day is tomorrow. I'm sure I could do something really extravagant and I'm almost certain someone else is going to shove something in my locker again, but I'm just going to do exactly what I planned on a few months ago. It sort of sucks that I made things worse, but I'm not going to turn around and give the things I bought a lovely two days before I got things this bad and give them to someone else. That's just retarded. Hopefully I don't incite any more hate because of it.

Oh well. It's time to relax. I don't want to kill myself over this shit... Pink Floyd or Black Sabbath? Or maybe R.E.M. ... Radiohead? I'll be up for a while.

Later, DS
~ Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

I figure I might as well put this here.

(1) Your gender: male
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: straight
(3) Single?: yup
(4) Want to be?: no
(5) Your birthday: 30.05.89
(6) Age you act: uh… 12?
(7) Age you wish you were: I don’t give a damn
(8) Your height: 5'9”, but only if I’m not slouching
(9) The color of your eyes: blue
(10) Happy with it?: yup
(11) The color of your hair: brown/blonde/red
(12) Happy with it?: sure
(13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: right handed
(14) Your living arrangement?: in a house
(27) Your family: mom, brother
(29) What's your job: sales associate
(30) Piercings?: no
(31) Tattoos?: I can pretend my birthmark is a crappy one
(32) Obsessions?: a certain person and my music
(35) Do you speak another language? german and the french I’m learning in class
(36) Have a favorite quote?: "I dont mind that I have horns under my halo"
(37) Do you have a webpage?: yes

DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
(38) Do you live in the moment?: depends on what moment it is. I live where I like it best
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: yup
(40) Do you have any secrets?: quite a few
(41) Do you hate yourself?: occasionally. Yes at the moment
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: sure, its pretty
(43) Do you have any bad habits?: knuckle cracking, talking to myself, thinking after I act
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: “You’ve got nice eyes”
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: That guy’s got issues.
(46) What's your biggest fear?: being alone
(47) Can you sing: yup
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: no
(49) Are you a loner?: yup
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: id probably think I was a prick (What happened to 50?)
(52) Are you a daredevil?: depends
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: stupidity
(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: passive unless I get really pissed
(55) Have you got a ?: have you got a brain?
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness? Ask someone who likes to exploit it
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself? Ask the person I’d be changing it for *ahem*
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: love
(59) How do you vent?: music and games, usually
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: in most cases, im a rock. In one, im a pile of goo… if you can pile goo
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: yes
(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: I don’t suppose its been too bad, but I did kill something of great importance to me so Im constantly reminded of how much it can suck…
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: ask people what they want you to do – don’t assume
(64) What do you like the most about your body?: uh… my legs?
(65) And least?: uh… my legs?
(66) Do you think you are good looking?: no
(67) Are you confident?: not really
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like?: that guy with the hair… y’know?
69) Do people know how you feel?: no
70) Are you perceived wrongly?: probably not

DO YOU...
(71) Smoke?: no
(72) Do drugs?: no
(73) Read the newspaper?: occasionally
(74) Pray?: no
(75) Go to church? If im forced
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you?: sure
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?: no
(78) Take walks in the rain?: of course
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them?: I don’t really hate anyone, but I talk with those who I dislike
(80) Drive?: no
(81) Like to drive fast?: n/a

HAVE YOU EVER...
(82) Liked your voice?: yes. the ability to speak is nice
(83) Hurt yourself?: ya
(84) Been out of the country?: yup
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: yup
(86) Burped?: … what the hell kind of a question is this?
(87) Been unfaithful?: no
(88) Been in love?: yes
(89) Done drugs?: no
(90) Gone skinny dipping?: no
(92) Had surgery?: ya
(93) Ran away from home?: no
(94) Played strip poker: no
(95) Gotten beaten up?: yup
(97) Been picked on?: ya
(98) Been on stage?: yup
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath?: considering how specific that is, no.
(100) Slept outdoors?: yup
(101) Thought about suicide?: yup
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: yup
(103) If yes, what is your record?: damned if I know
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: depends when “night” begins. Probably, though
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: yes
(107) Slept all day?: almost
(108) Killed someone?: … uh… no
(109) Made out with a stranger?: no
(110) Had sex with a stranger?: no
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: I think you’re going crazy, whoever you are.
(112) Kissed the same sex?: yup
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: does kissing count?
(114) Been betrayed?: probably
(115) Had a dream that came true?: yup… and then I ruined the dream
(116) Broken the law?: yup
(117) Met a famous person?: yup
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: have you ever stepped on an ant?
(146) Stolen anything?: yup
(147) Been on radio/TV.?: radio, twice… no idea about tv
(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: ya
(149) Had a nervous breakdown?: offff coooursse not
(150) Considered religious vocation?: no
(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: no
(152) Bungee jumped?: not yet
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: quite often
(154) Shoe brand?: “Have you ever… Shoe brand?:” What the fuck?
(155) Brand of clothing?: see above
(156) Cologne/perfume?: worn it? no
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: I gather there was supposed to be a new header. I normally wear pants to school.
(159) Wear hats?: nope
(161) Wear make-up?: not unless its put on me
(162) Favorite place to shop?: tower or amoeba
(163) Favorite article of clothing?: whatever keeps me warmest in the most entertaining place
(164) Are you trendy?: no
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school?: no

BELIEFS
(166) Believe in life on other planets?: ya
(167) Miracles?: yup
(168) Astrology?: uh… dunno
(169) Magic?: depends on what you consider magic
(170) God?: not really
(171) Satan?: not really
(172) Santa?: no
(173) Ghosts?: no
(174) Luck?: yup
(175) Love at first sight?: that’s lust
(176) Yin and Yang?: black and white swirls are everywhere
(177) Witches?: only if I get a chance to burn them
(178) Easter bunny?: no.
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yup
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: sure, im optimistic
(181) Do you wish on stars?: occasionally

LOVE, and all that
(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: no
(183) Do you remember your first love?: yeah…
(184) Still love him/her?: yup
(185) Do you consider love a mistake?: people tell me it is. But no
(186) What do you find romantic?: little things that people do for others
(187) Turn-on?: intelligent conversation once in a while and smiles
(188) Turn-off?: dumbasses
(189) Do you base your judgment on looks alone: no
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: kinda bad if I knew
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"?: knowing them
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: why does it matter?
(203) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: as she put it
(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: do you?
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: I really don’t want to generalize
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: see above
(207) What's the last present someone gave you? exorcist
(208) Are you in love?: yes
(209) Do you consider your significant other hot?: none to speak of…
(210) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk?: uh… look.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
(211) That haunted you?: depends on what you mean by haunted
(212) You wanted to kill?: no one
(213) That you laughed at?: tom
(214) That laughed at you?: I don’t know. People can laugh at me when im not around
(215) That turned you on?: uh… starts with an em
(216) You went shopping with?: casey
(217) That broke your heart?: well, uh. Its my fault it broke
(218) To disappoint you?: too many to choose from
(219) To ask you out?: I don’t remember. daisy or jessica
(220) To make you cry?: starts with an em
(221) To brighten up your day?: ditto
(222) That you thought about?: em…
(223) You saw a movie with?: em/alton
(224) You talked to on the phone?: its either alda or justin
(225) You talked to through IM?: micheal
(226) You saw?: besides family, casey
(227) You lost?: as in died? My grandfather
(229) You thought was completely insane?: dont know
(230) You wanted to be?: me
(231) You told off?: Jessica or daisy?
(232) You trusted?: I trust a lot of people. Probably em
(233) You turned down?: Jessica or daisy…

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(234) Smiled?: today
(235) Laughed?: today
(236) Cried?: today
(237) Bought something?: yesterday
(238) Danced?: a few hours ago
(239) Were sarcastic?: im always sarcastic
(240) hugged someone?: today
(241) Talked to an ex?: uh… yesterday, I guess…
(242) Watched your fave movie?: I don’t know what my favorite movie is
(243) Had a nightmare?: it was either last night or this morning
(245) Talked on the phone?: today
(246) Listened to the radio?: a few days ago
(247) Watched TV?: today, technically. But the last time I really watched was september 8th
(248) Went out?: today
(249) Helped someone?: today
(250) Were mean?: today
(251) Sang?: a few hours ago
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: its been a long time
(253) Said "I love you"?: ive meant to say it… but I never do because itd be a bad idea now
(254) Missed someone?: today
(255) Fought with a family member?: few weeks ago
(256) Fought with a friend?: dont remember
(257) Had a serious conversation?: a few days
(258) Got drunk?: don’t remember. funny how that works
(259) Had sex?: never

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