i just came up with a good idea...i should make a book about my whole life...it would be interestingly funny and everything else...kinda like girl, interrupted....but with a lot more drugs, alcohol, and everything..lol...my friend Lillian said that people would buy our books and read them out of morbid curiousity...lol...the whole guy situation...just wayyyyyy too complicated to write about anymore since all i wanna do when i think about that is cry and get pissed off....so im not going to! im going to actually start sittin down and writing out shit..just cuz it would be funny to read it later on...yea i could make a killer ass book! i so would let everyone of my friends on here have a free copy!!

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mood: bit better
listening to: the cure -- if you leave



thank you thank you thank you etheracide for cheering me up when i needed it the most!!! you totally rock!

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mood: same
listening to: evanescence - my immortal

very true.i shouldn't have...
he asked if he could come over today..and i told him yes...i kept back on cryin and everything just to be able to talk to him...we talked for a couple hours...as he left he gave me a hug and i smiled...but i broke down as soon as he drove off...it was one of the hardest things i have ever done...to lie to him and tell him i would be alright, knowing that im not...all i wanted to do was ask him how can i not look at you and break down crying?? im so in love with someone who doesn't feel the same..life is so fucked up! especially mine...i know there is worse things people deal with...this pain is so intense and so hard to deal with...like i said before...i will just have to go day by day and try my damnest to keep a smile and a cheery disposition...

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this totally sucks..had to delete last couple entries bc someone got pissed off at me...man even writing out my feelings and shit piss people off...thanks ever so much for making me feel worse...

but thanks to those who did comment of last few entries

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mood: undescribable
listening to: jojo - too little too late

this day should be marked as Broken Hearts Day....
there has been nothing but hearts getting broke all day...it's hard to explain, yet like most of my life! but believe me please when i say this day should be marked

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mood: lost
listening to: eve - love is blind

i've come to the conclusion tonite right now actually that im damned to a life of confusement....i mean when i think something then told another continously..you get a little lost.....stuff like this can make your brain go haywire! how is it that people can tell you something and turn around and say another thing and tell others different stuff too..ok i know i probably confused you all now...but that's where im at and it really sucks!!!

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