Monday. 2.6.06 8:11 pm
Saturday. 2.4.06 10:49 pm
Welll I guess it really does go on. Everyone is getting better and things are semi going back to normal...but I dont know if normal will ever exist again! Its amazing how all of this changed my perspective.....Mark and I chose to be friends today and Im pretty sure a week ago I would have been more upset but after the last 5 days I know that as long as he is still here everything will be fine and something 10x worse could have happened. One of my best friends lost his mom on Thursday and I wanna be there for him now more than ever and I know deep down that although ppl may try there will never be a group like my group of friends. I cant imagine life without them. We are all there for each other through everything! Just to prove that point we rode in a school student van through Elmira yesterday and honked and sang the whole time.(we are lucky we didnt get shot!) Well Im gonna go dream! We love you Karen.....Party it up in Heaven, Cant wait to see you there!!
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The unthinkable.....thought out
Thursday. 2.2.06 11:57 pm
This life utterly amazes me. We dont realize what we have, how much we love and need it until most of the time its too late....I dont want this to be too late. Sometimes it is tragic accidents and sometimes its fate. Maybe we will never truly know the meaning of life...is it to love and be happy, or live day to day and make as many memories as you can before its too late? I wish i had the answers to some of these question. The ones we all want answered and yet no one knows how to do it! Can someone somewhere explain the meaning behind all this....the meaning of life. Death is a part of life but so are the happy times...so why is it that death affects us deeper. Why do we cry when we should pray. What does crying do or solve....I guess its just our little human outlet to all the emotions that God gave us. And what are the emotions for.....to make us more confused about our existance than what we already are. I cant explain this, as much as i may try i cant! I cant understand for the life of me why this all ends the way it does. Why does it have to end......lets live forever shall we! And yet another question that runs through my mind over and over is why when life is happy we push the ones we love the most away and when we are hit with sadness we pull them in? Shouldnt they be close to us ALL the time! Shouldnt we love each other everyday like there is no tomorrow....b/c for all we know there isnt! Why is life so complex and why do we live a life of such uncertainity and unstability! I have a feeling that these questions may never be answered....we may ponder them for our entire life on earth...explain this! Why is it all the saddest story ever told and do we make it that way or do we have no control over our lives at all and we just have to take what is given to us! I guess Im trying to get all these thoughts out of my head.....down in black and white so i can look back when life gets hard again bc we know it will. And why, yet another why, so we realize what we want at the precise time we CANT have it. why when we want something with all our hearts and souls we cant have it and we dont realize how in love we truly are until we know that love doesnt mean a thing. Who is love is and imaginative form of lust.....we lust our lives and the ppl around us we feel the need to need ppl b/c are to fing scared to do this all on our own! We love but why.......Why do we love at the perfect wrong time...kind of an oxymoron dont yah think.and here we go again with more questions that i am certain we will never know the answers to. So why bother why care...Life goes on!
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