Friday. 6.8.07 2:12 pm
Thursday. 6.7.07 10:31 pm
bang, bang..i'm dead.
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Thursday. 6.7.07 9:01 pm
in my free time, i swallow gold fish.
Monday. 5.28.07 4:32 pm
Summer time, and livin's not so easy.
Monday. 5.21.07 2:32 pm
the summer is coming on fast.. friends are getting out of college, pools are opening, there are an abundance of snowball stands. Do i look forward to this summer? It will be a time i will use to catch up to where I'd like to be. Hopefully, by the end of this season, I'll have much more in order. I'll have more things crossed off the list. I may find a second job to keep busy and to help save for fundings for my car. The FAFSA (federal aid bull-hockey) is in the process, it's a long process. The job is going well, it's repetitive, but interesting. I've been taking my drivers manual to work with me, so when i have my five minute breaks every so often, I can study. I'm trying to read myself a good book, but just don't have the time.
Ambition- noun: a strong drive for success.
Do I have that? It may not be described as "Strong", but it's willing. Unless you count working 35+ hours a week as a dishwasher with minimal pay just so that i can better myself in the long run "Strong".. which in that case, I do.
My list may be a little scrambled, but I know what I have, want & NEED to get done by the end of this summer.
A GED- so that i can start school asap (check)
A Job - saving up for a reliable transportation (check)
FAFSA- i'm applying for federal aid whenever i get the chance, it's a VERY long form (in the process)
A Drivers License - I'm pushing for that by the end of June (studying)
A Car - I need transportation to School and to see my girlfriend. (in progress)
College Courses - As soon as I find out about my grant, I'm enrolling. (FAFSA comes first)
A better paying and more respectable Job - I need a Car and want to start School first. (working a crappy job to accomplish this)
No stone has gone unturned, everything that i'm working for to accomplish by the end of this summer is being worked on, somethings more than others, but that's just because somethings must be accomplished first for others to get rolling. There isn't a thing on my list that I haven't even begun to work towards. So, I'm proud of myself now, but i don't feel Established, I don't feel like I can give up yet and it'll all work out. It'll be hard this summer but that's my goal.. While other people are having fun, taking vacations, having parties, seeing old friends.. I'll be catching up.. I'll be working harder than ever before, because I'm tired of being left behind and feeling like my life hasn't meant anything up until now.. Things are going to change this summer, yes they will. And am I excited? to answer the question that I asked in the beginning of this entry, Yes.. yes i am.
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and the record begins with a song of rebellion
Monday. 5.14.07 8:14 pm
I slept through the phone going berserk this morning, lying on the couch with the alarm unplugged somewhere throughout the long night, where I'd wake up and drift back to sleep every half-hour or so. Eleven Thirty or so, I rolled off my couch, plopping to the hardwood flooring in my living room with an area rug as the only padding. At this moment, I realized that I should have been up so much earlier & calling work, my schedule was unknown at the time. Christine was upset, or so I think, that I hadn't answered her calls. I apologized and tried to explain what happen, she just answered flatly and monotoned. Unusual.
So now I've got my schedule, I had off today. I scarfed down some pizza bites and soda and laid down and read a new novel by Chuck Palahniuk, "Rant". I must've fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, it was about Four. I slept half my day away.
I don't like this, I don't like feeling as if my days could be wasted thusly. They should be spent doing something productive, or so I feel. & now, I can't help but think about this long summer ahead, the first time I really loathed summer's arrival.
Things will be different, Christine and I definitely won't have a set schedule to see each other, and we both have friends to see. Some of her friends, well, they wouldn't really like me around, and I understand, so I won't be seeing her on those days. I've grown accustom to our stays together, practically living together, shopping together, eating together, sleeping together. I'm not worried though. That thought never really crossed my mind, unless you count just now. I know that we'll easily stay as functional as we are now. There is no question. I'd rather not stumble upon a cliche, but I know our love will keep us together.
So, it's time now to check the job aspect off of my list.
The GED was taken care of long ago.
& I just finished having a conversation with her about a FASFA form and the chances they'd cover any costs of college. We'll look at them when I return "Rant" to the library on the 17th. I hope I can finish before then, with this busy work schedule ahead.
That's basically the update.
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