I feel like I can't breathe. I just can't do this anymore.

"I'm too tired to play pretend."

I don't know how to explain myself at all. I'm trying to work on that. But for now, I'm just hoping the clock will fast forward to graduation so I can possibly breathe again.

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I am in love with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Is it completely ridiculus? Yes. But seriously, all the Indiana Jones movies are. They're all completely cheeseball and the girls are generally whiney and annoying but it's part of the reason you keep watching. Oh, and Shia Labeouf isn't so bad to look at either. =)


Senior Skip Day couldn't have been more perfect. I love RRK and our crazy, too-loud teryaki group haha.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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So, my official opinion is that Prom is overrated. (Yeah, I gave it a capital p.) It's just..not my thing I guess and I was literally counting the minutes until we left. Dressing up however, is insanely fun. I wish I could play dress up for a living. The nice thing about Prom being over is that it makes graduation seem that much closer. =)


Serious thought of the day: I wish people were more genuine or in other words, not so full of shit.

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I finished health online so I'm pretty proud. However, college writing is going to be a bitch to catch up on. I think I need to write about 5 complete essays and expand/revise the rest. Oh, and I need to read The Handmaid's Tale. Awesome.

Today was the AP Calc Test. In the Free Response work area I drew an epic battle between two pirate ships, "Rediet says hi", turned the graph given in the problem into a bird standing on a capital R next to a pond (it related to the problem), "I say hi too", Fall Out Boy Concert tickets available at noon then not available by 9:00 (also related to the problem), and an oil spill into a lake with a fish screaming "AHHH!" and swimming away (err somewhat related to the problem.) All in all, it was a good effort.


I wish people knew how to follow through and not make plans just to break them. I'm tired of being disappointed.

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So I'm trying to upload a video on youtube right now and it's taking forever. I'm not sure if this is the normal timespan for uploading a video or not as I've never uploaded to youtube before..I have a strange feeling though that it'll turn out to be one of those things where it says its loading forever and then I'll check it in another hour and it'll say my video wasn't the right type or something. Meh. I'm tired.

I decided that I'm going to Western. I really wanted to go to Columbia and maybe eventually I'll transfer, but they didn't offer me any financial aid for this year (they wanted my mom to take out a $34,000 loan for this year alone.) redic. So now I'm going to Western and I'm actually pretty excited about it. Now I just need to figure out what my major will be. When I originally applied to Western, I did it with the intent of majoring in PoliSci but there's not a ton I could do with that major..that I actually want to do. Out of my career options with that major the only slightly appealing one is becoming a high school teacher but teachers just don't get paid enough. I don't want to have to struggle with money. I'm not saying I want to be filthy rich or anything, but I just want to be able to live comfortably. I'm sure I'll figure something out. Oh and bonus! I don't start school til September 24th now. =)

I went to Blabathon last night and today. (Actually, the video I'm uploading is from it..I'll post it if it's ever finished.) Basically Mr. and Mrs. Blabathon, Justin crying, Paul Willis and duo swaps are my favorite things in the world. If you don't attend Federal Way High School you probably have no idea what Blabathon is and I'm too tired to explain it. Maybe I'll do so in the morning.

Okay I'm too tired to keep typing and there's not much else to say that I can really think of right now so I'm going to bed. I guess I'll just have to leave my computer on for that damn video. G'night.

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I fucking hate calculus. I refuse to study for that stupid ass test tomorrow. Or technically, today. I've failed all the other ones and I'm somehow still passing, how bad could this one be? I have some other issues with that class but I'll keep them to myself for now. Too tired.

I think I'm going to go to Columbia..but I'm still pissed as shit that I have to decide by May 1 because of Western and I have yet to receive either school's financial information. a;sldkjf

I am clearly not a happy camper today.


p.s. When I was just writing 'happy' I started it out as 'hammy' haha oh and earlier today when I was trying to write 'Ashlee Simpson' I wrote 'Asslee Simpson'..I kept it as Asslee. =)

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So, I finally got my tattoo. I'm not sure if you can tell in the picture or not but it says "believe" and "lie" is in purple. A lot of people have asked me why I got my tattoo the way I did and I'm never really sure how to explain it to them..but I guess I'll try to do that here. Not many people know, but I battled severe depression for years. It never got to the point where I was suicidal..but it did get pretty bad at times..and when I was at my lowest point and felt like nobody understood and that I couldn't talk to my friends I turned to music. I've been listening to Fall Out Boy since Take This To Your Grave but it wasn't until I was at my lowest of lows that something just clicked. When I was down, their music was there. I know people are probably like, "What the hell, Fall Out Boy sucks blah blah blah" but I just couldn't care less. Because they are who I turned to. Their music made me realize I needed help and I asked for it. I took prozac for a couple of years and it really helped me overcome my depression to the point where I don't take medication today. So I guess back to my point, I got "believe" so as to continue believing in myself, believe that I can get through the toughest of times, and keep believing life is worth living. "The best part of believe is the lie.." -Fall Out Boy. The "lie" is outlined for my dedication. I will keep backing Fall Out Boy because in a sense, they kept backing me. I don't want to think what might have happened if I had not had their music and I'm just so thankful that it and they as people exist.

I'm happy.

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