Yesterday pretty much wasn't the best day ever. I decided not to go to my GED test. I was all of a sudden terrified of taking it. So Marcus and I went to Alex's Mom's house and I watched them peice together some POS honda civic hatchback. I went back to Nick's place, and waited for the boys. I was playing pool with PJ and Aaron runs into the basement and goes, "Liz, you're gonna stop playing pool once Nick walks in here. He lost his job, but I didn't tell you." So I put down the pool stick and walked outside to Nick and gave him a huge hug and asked how his day was. It was kinda funny cuz even though it totally sucked, cuz he was trying to explain how shitty today was, but everytime he looked up and saw me holding his hand, he couldn't help but smile. They wanted to drink, so we went down to Fish Lake and Aaron and Nick drank. I pretty much babysat Bubba cuz he took some pills and was trippin out. It scared me. He didn't seem like him, and he looked as if he was coming off a coke binge or an acid trip or something. Nick and I were sitting on a log, and he leans over and whispers in my ear, "I'm gonna marry you one day. You wait, I'm gonna marry you." I was like, "You'll break my heart if you don't." OMGosh I love him so much. Daddy told Rose that he doesn't like Nick. I don't care either. Dad's gonna have to live with it, cuz I love Nick, Nick loves me, and we plan on getting married the day I turn 18. We'll get married, then tell my daddy, then invite him to the party. Haha. That would be totally cool and hella funny. But I've always wanted my daddy to give me away to my husband. And I've always wanted to be married by my grandpa. But... Would I have my grandpa's blessing? By the way, my mom isn't invited. The people I'll want there are Daddy, Raquel, Sheralyn, Michelle, Aaron, Weez, Bubba, Skank, Amy, Andrea, Trev, and whoever Nick wants. OMGosh I can't believe I told him I'd marry him. I'm 17. Oh but I'm 17 and in love. I love Nick with all my heart, body, and soul. As Nick puts it, "I'm his one and only." And he's mine.

Last night I was mad at Nick and Aaron. I didn't say anything, but I bet they both figured. They snorted dramamine in my room while my dad was home. They're both stupid. I smacked them with my shirt sleeve. And I wanted to cry and leave when Nick and Aaron were talking about getting some coke. And then Nick said, "See what I have to do when you leave?" It scared me. And all of a sudden, all I could think about was Aja. And all my other friends that have died of OD'ing. And how scared I was. I don't want this to be like that. I would have just walked home from Nick's, but I knew that even before 5 minutes after I left, they would notice and come find me and force me in the car. It would be utterly pointless. I was real mad last night. More scared than anything. But real mad that they scared me and would do those things, or even mention them around me.

So I'm up in Everett now babysitting the kids. I cleaned Rose's kitchen for her. It's so fresh and so clean clean. I won't be able to go back till Friday night or Saturday morning. God I miss Nick. I slept with Coral last night and she clung to my neck and cuddled with me all night, but it's not the same as being in Nick's arms.

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Well, I'm going to start my GED test today. EeEk!!! Yesterday was completely amazing. Michelle and I got to the auditorium early as planned. Nick, Aaron, and Weez showed up at 7pm on the dot as promised. Aaron and Weez thought they were going to die of boredom because a lot of the acts sucked bad. But I left the boys like 2 songs before mine and said I was helping Michelle warm up. But Andrew and Aaron knew I was lying. Then I was backstage and you could hear Ericka go, "And now, Liz and Michelle Icenogle singing When You Say Nothing At All and it's dedicated to Nick Vanhorn and Jason Shneiders." You could hear the whole crowd go, "Aww..." It was funn. Then Michelle and I walked out there and did our shit. People were going crazy. It scared the crap out of me, singing in front of people though. Oh well... That's okay. The lights were so bright on me that I couldn't see shit. But I just stared out in Nick's direction the whole time. Michelle sang so beautifully I was so glad to be on stage with her. The original reason why I sang with her was because she couldn't hit the high notes like I can. So she wanted me to belt it out while she sang harmony. It was so great, we're awesome together. And when we were done, everybody just stood up and went insane. I've never been more scared in my life. Once I got off stage, I ran to Nick pretty much. He was like, "Oh my God, I can't believe you just did that." Then we all went to celebrate the two big things of the day. Nick's trial going so well, and me singing to Nick in front of about 150 people. We went to Fish Lake and smoked bowls out of a gravity bong. I don't think I've ever been so high in my life. Haha, it was hella funny, I took 4 hits and 4 shotgunned hits out of the bong. DAYUM it was crazy. I could barely walk. I couldn't even think. But it's still not gonna be a regular thing though. But I gotta go, I gotta call Nick.

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I have huge news. Last night, I had sex with Nick. So much for waiting, lol. I never can wait very long. Twice. I loved it. It's the first time I've ever had "made love." It was special. Oh man, it felt good. The second time, I even orgasmed. The first time, we didn't use a condom. EeEk! But it felt so much better. Oh man... Then we went outside and smoked a cigarette and talked for a bit. I wasn't going to spend the night there last night, but Nick was so stressed over today that I had to. His trial was today. It went pretty well. Still sucked though. $350 fine, 8 hour alcohol class, and no offenses for 2 years. My heart was beating so fast. I was so relieved when he was done. I was so scared. Aaron was like, "Liz, don't be scared. Nothing bad will happen to him." Today I met Michelle at school and Weez and Aaron came with me. I'm singing a duet with her tonight at the auditorium. I'm so nervous. Aaron and Weez said we sounded really good and we were the best there. So tonight will be a surprise for Nick. He doesn't know I'm singing. And the song is dedicated to Nick and Jason. Yup yup. I love Nick so much.

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I'm getting pretty tired of Marcus. He's just so freaking uptight. It's totally lame. I hung out with the boys today. While Nick was at work I hung out with Aaron and Weasle. We went to Aaron's Mom's house. She showed us her house that she bought and fixed up and is now selling, over in Cumberland. It's REALLY nice. I was worried about going over there. Scared her and Jeff were going to be mean or something because the incident that happened last winter. But they were great and seemed real happy to see me. It was actually fun. Won't be able to hang out with the boys though tonight. Daddy wants me home, but that's cool. But I really miss Nick already and I just saw him like 15 minutes ago. I love spending time with him, I never see my boyfriends this much, I never want to be with them this much. But I just want to always be with Nick. It's mutual though. Weez said that Nick is pretty much obsessed and infatuated with me. And you know what? For the first time ever, this didn't creep me out. It just made me want to hug him tighter. Gah I love him so much. I'm really glad that I'm done smoking weed and drinking. I'm just as big of a goof ball as I was when I was fucked up. Yup yup. Jerry's appartment lights are all on. Kathy is getting sued for CJ's medical bills. Sucks for Kathy. Oh well. Kathy's birthday is tomorrow too. I really don't give a damn though, even though she is my aunt. She's stupid, but whatever. I can't wait till Bubba, Nick, and Aaron all get their appartment or house. That will be pretty tight. It'll probably be in Chinook appartments. So that's awesome. I'll have my boyfriend in the appartment complex. And my cousin. And one of my best friends who is one of the rare few taht have seen me cry. And Weez will probably just follow along of course and mooch. Nobody really cares, it's just what Weez does. So it's alright, haha. I'm thinking about riding my bike around tomorrow. That should be fun. I'll ride down to Nick's and hang out with the guys while waiting for Nick to get off work. Yup yup.

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Well... It's just me here now. I'm at home. I can't get a hold of any of the boys, lol. Rose, Billy, and the kids just left. Rose is still taking the divorce between Mom and Dad pretty hard. She was crying because our family isn't the same anymore. It's not. I like it better though. How it is now. I'm still tight with everybody in the family except Mom. Michelle lost her sense of how important our family is. I spent the night with Nick again. I went to a party at Charlie's last night. Too much drama, it was horrid. 10 Fights there, not counting me. I decked Josh Simpson in the face then ran away crying because he's a good friend of mine. But he kept trying to hook up with me and I was like, "I love my boyfriend." He just kept saying stuff like, "No, he means nothing to you, you and me can hook up." And it's not true. I told him to quit touching me and to get his beer out of my face because I don't drink anymore. Everybody there except my real good friends were like, "Liz just drink," or "Liz, just smoke a bowl." I didn't want to. I didn't do it. But some asses just kept on about it. But all my old guy buddies were there luckily. Charlie, Mitch, Kevin, Hans, Brandon, they were all just like, "Dude, she doesn't want to drink, just leave her alone." I got up in so many peoples faces for talking shit about my friends. I knocked a few guys on their asses for being jerks. Korey and I were the "bouncettes." These 5 girls were being bitches and nobody knew who they were so Korey and I got all up in their faces and were like, "Get the fuck out of here now." The party was fun, but there was too much drama. Jerome got jumped by 6 guys. Dan Cook kicked him in the face. Jerome just got back from the Marine Corps. too. I'm so proud of him for not hitting back. Lord knows I would have. He didn't want to get into any trouble with the military. I got there half an hour too late. I wish I would have been there. I would have jumped in. Nobody fuckin jumped in. I'm so pissed. God I want to kill every one of those guys. Just fuckin kill them. Danny Phelps was talking shit to Korey's lil bro, Jase. Jase was just like, "I don't want to fight." And he kept pressing it, so since Korey wasn't there, I got up in Danny's face and told him to knock it the fuck off. I grabbed him by his neck and shoved him up against a wall and told him to get the fuck out. Mike Reasy was pissed cuz I wasn't on his side, which was Danny's side. So fuck Mike. He goes in there talking about how he got a peice of me. Fuck him. It was a mistake. Him and his little dick can just piss off. So much drama since last night, it's totally gay. Nick was mad at me for wanting to go to the party instead of kick it with him, but when I woke up this morning, we weren't laying on opposite sides of the bed anymore, and his arms were around me. I love him so much. Last night after I came home from the party, I just walked straight to Nick's bed. And was about to lay down, but Aaron came in there and wanted me to go outside and chill with them, but I go, "I just want to lay down." He was all, "What's wrong? Something's wrong, don't try to hide it." And grabbed my arm and pulled me outside and had me tell him about my night. I spilled about how shitty it was and just started crying and sobbing. I'm glad it was Aaron that I cryed to. Nick would have been nice to cry on his shoulder, but he was mad at me and wouldn't talk to me, but he didn't know that I was crying. Aaron is my best guy friend after Nick. Aaron just had his arm around my shoulders and let me cry into his shoulder. Thank God for Aaron. He's a good friend and he really knows when something is bothering me, even if I try to hide it. Daddy isn't coming home tonight, but I'm coming home. I don't feel like staying at Nick's tonight. I want to be with him, but I don't want to be there, and Daddy said nobody spends the night. I got the house to myself tonight.

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Well, today has been a pretty good day. I got to spend the night with Nick last night. I gave him a handjob for the first time. I met this stupid girl named Jennifer that came over and woke me up at like 3am. Grr... Stupid bitch. Last night, I went down to Newaukum Creek with Bubba, Aaron, Weasle, and Nick. To smoke pot and drink. They don't drink as much anymore. Thank God. I didn't drink or smoke though. I'm done. It's not a thrill anymore, it's lame and boring. I mean it's still fun when I do it, but I just don't feel like it anymore. But Bubba was walking in front, and we haven't been down there for like a month. Since it's spring, it was all overgrown. Bubba missed the turn, kept going straight, and all of a sudden we see him disapper and yell, "Damn son!" And I freak out and drop Nick's hand and run over to his voice. He walked straight into a muddy part of the creek and got stuck. He was up to his knees. He couldn't even get his shoes out. So he lost his pair of Phat Farms, the mud straight ate them, haha. We were sitting out there in the middle of the woods for like 3 hours and they were all drinking and smoking bud. Andrew only had like 3 beers, he wasn't much in a drinking mood. So that was cool, he was pretty sober, even though he was completely blazed. Aaron could barely even stand up. I walked back behind everybody with Aaron and Weasle. Aaron and me had our arms around each others shoulders and he leaned on me the whole way. He was like, "Liz, you're a good friend. Not many people would have this much patience and walk me home like you. Did I ever tell you that you're my best friend? Cuz you are. I love you Liz." It was hella funny. Me and Weasle laughed the whole way back to Marcus'. Oh man, I love my boys so much, we have so much fun. And now that I don't want to go drink and smoke, they don't even pressure me or offer me any. They're just cool like that. Michelle is throwing a party at Mom's. I don't want to ruin Michelle's fun, but Mom has had this coming. She's been a wench to Daddy, and it's pay back time. Josh came by today to talk to me at Nick's. I feel so bad for him. Andrea, his cousin, called him to tell him that Megan has been playing grab ass with Jason. She is so stupid. If she messes up and loses him, she'll lose the best thing that ever happened to her. I hope she does lose him. I hate her and Josh deserves better. She talks crap about me despite everything I've done for her. Whatever... F*** her.

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