1st period..we were exempted from today's quiz =) cuz we had sum asb'ers..very persuasive one..who convinced ms love to not let us take the quiz cuz she had sum juicy "news" to spill. mwahhaha. and i also got an A in the class! THE HIGHEST MUTHERFUK'N GRADE IN THE CLASS..YES BIOOTCH! 8) i am tOo cool. i am soOo happy =) i jes hope i can keep it up..better yet make it higher! sheeyit. uhm and..i gotta 10/10 on that storybook so TAKE THAT DAD! shiit. and today we had this multiple choice thing and tanya graded mine..i think she got kinda confused cuz wen i was "correcting" it wit my groupie..i dint uncircle my answer and change it..i jes slashed the answer i changed it to. but oh well. she gave me a 14/15 even tho i dont think that's what i really got. but hey, if that's wha she gave me..that's not my fault. i'll take it =D. i'm not a cheater.

lunch was cool cuz the teachers hadta make a speech and i think ms love& mr carbajal had the best one then ms. sergurson& mr. maxuel. ms love& mr carbajal's was bangin doode! hahaha it was funnayy. they rapped to this one song i 4got the name. and this one part ms love was all "..we're the bangin o.g.'s" hahaha that was funnay. i felt sorry for ms. v& mr reyes. it was a sad speech. hahah. mr espinoza and ms devera tried to bribe us by sayin mr espinoza would give us a non uniform day if he won. cheater. haha. and they were also beggin. they even got on their knees for a few seconds. talk about desperate.

then later in chemisry i found out that YESTERDAY WAS THE LAST DAY TO SIGN UP FOR THE PSAT!!! man WHATTHEFUUUK?!! shiiit i never even heard about it! THEY NEVER EVEN ANNOUNCED IT! wtf?! a lot of ppl dint even hear about it! shiit. ima get to the bottom of this. ima ask my counselor tomorrow if i can still register cuz shiit.that aint fair! it's not my gawddamn fault if no1 ever mentioned it or wen the due date is. the bulletin aint no fuk'n help either. they dont say shiit. and plus my parents'll be hella pissed if they find out i dint register on time. even tho i alredi told my mom. jes imagine my "good ol' dad" oh boy he'll be mad as fukk. then i'll go into my depressed mode. cuz they dont understand.

ne ways b4 i get pissed off agen MARIEL's LEAVIN TO SEATTLE for the weekend. so she's not gonna be here tomorrow. we'll miss her. ((not)) haha jk. tOo bad, she'll miss the pep assembly. but at least she's leavin! that's hella fun!

well ne ways i get real tired real easy. and i been gettin headaches. i dont get enuf sleep. well yeah k bye.

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ideno what it was about today but today i felt happier at school than usual. so let's go thru my day shall we.

4th per was blahh english who cares. well actually who cares wha went on in my classes..on to sum more interesting things..

today at lunch for mr &mrs syhy the teachers danced and omg ms love& mr carbajal and ms serguson& mr maxuel man they danced all FREAKAYYY..but wit ms love& mr carbajal..i think ms love did most of the dancing..like omg the teachers they went down yeno?! i was like woah. but ms serguson& mr maxuel danced really gOod. and they ended up winning. i think they deserved it. i think the contest is really gonna end up bein ms love& mr carbajal vs ms serguson and mr maxuel.

my bus driver is a real ass. he's so mean n shiit. i mean he yells out his window and all this other crap. and makes us sit all properly and crap cuz it's for our safety becuz he cares. stupid.

wen i came home today i called up freese and i could do comm. service there..yay =) i jes needa go there and make arrangements. i gotta call up nikki soon. i still needa call tricare and balboa for sum hospital/clinic experience.

and i think that's it so peace!

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yeno wha song i'm really feelin riggh now?...BREAKING THE HABIT by LINKIN PARK. it's awesome and i love it =) and if u disagree, i dont kare wha u think so get off my bak!

well lass night..er should i say early this morning at midnight..my dad was being an ass cuz he thinks i was doin my stupid lil storybook thing for ms love last minute. well psh. ok, i kinda was but i dint procrastinate thaat much. it's not my fault it's so complicating trynna put the stupid pages together correctly so wen i fold it, it's right. and u kno wha he sed..he sed that IF HE FINDS ME OR MY BROTHER DOING HW/project thingys LATE AGAIN THEN HE WON'T LET US FINISH and HE DOESN'T CARE IF WE DONT TURN IT IN or somethin like that. man BEEYATCH. shiit. he almost made me cry right b4 i slept. cuz i sucked it up when he was still there. but wen it was time to sleep i thot bowt ev'rythin that jes happened/jes sed and i felt like CRYING and i only shed a few tears and forced myself to stop so i dont get puffy eyes later in the morning. it worked.

i feel like i'm gettin more depressed. that one day I WONT BE ABLE TO TAKE IT NE MORE and i jes mite go thru DEPRESSION. so don't be surprised. cuz i'm like on the verge of it. and if u think this is jes another depressing entry and another depressing emo girl. then go ahead and leave. leave me all alone. I ALWAYS FELT ALONE ANYWAY. so it wouldnt make a difference.

but wen i'm at school i'm a different person on the most part. i dont think most ppl see the sadness that's really in me. speshully these past few days. cuz the moment has passed and i dont feel the same exact emotion i felt wen i was upset u kno? like if i cry one night..the nex day if i tell sum1 i'll jes feel angry or sad but i won't cry. and wen i'm at school i'm happier in general compared to how i really feel. IF YOU COULD READ MY MIND YOU'D THINK I WAS GOIN THRU DEPRESSION. and that's a fact. lass night wen i was driving and i was waitin in the car wen my dad went in his boat..and i was left alone on the driver's seat in a parked car at night in a quiet area....well that gave me a lot of time to think. and u wouldn't believe the things i thot or went on thru my head. i cant recall the exact words, but u jes hafta trust me.

school is still a biitch. so it dusnt make it ne better. well, i'm out. peace.

--> [[[[edit 9.54pm ]]]] <----
yeno what else happened today. ((i'm waitin for my bro to finish cleanin my toothbrush. he's my slave. haha sike)). they started that "mr& mrs syhy" ((pronounced: sigh-high)). and the teachers played musical chairs and for the ladies ms love won...she grabbed the chair!! it was so funny. and for the guys...this i think pe teacher named mr. maxuel won. dude I DINT KNO HE EXISTED! shay was all sayin that he's fiiine/hottt. he's african america. i guess he is pretty cute for a teacher. it's kinda weird judgin teachers, but that's jes me.

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why do we have labor day agen? i 4get.

so today was the day to catch up on most of the homework. hah. finishin up that book for ap us. and my lab write ups..which i almost 4got to do but lucky me i saw joyce go off and thot about wha classes i had wit her n it rung a bell that i have lab write ups due for chem.

in a few minutos..wenever my dad's done takin a shower n such..i'll be out driving..at night. so PRAY FOR ME. and maybe i'll live eh? =) and if not, well i'll watch over u all..g2g now peeace!

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so today i did the usual church thing. had a teacher'######### afterwards and guess what..i switched and i'm bein a t.a. for KINDERGARTEN! yayuh. and guess who's the teacher?! KAYE!! that's so funny cuz i dont think she even went to the training thing. but mrs. burns should kno butchea so whatever. it's kind of a scary thot u kno, their education relies on us. but hey, i'm only an aide..she's the teacher. hahaha. it's cool tho cuz now i get the TEACHER'S EDITION oOooHh mwahhaha.

well ne ways, today is sOo frikken HOTTTT wtf?! i still gotta do hw but thank God there's no school tomorrow, gives me an extra day! shiitness man. i'm such a procrastinator but i realized that i dont really like doin hw during the day..i usually do it at night. guess that's jes me.

so yeah. and i'm still holdin that grudge agenst my rents. am i bad kid? oh who cares what u think.hah. dad was all trynna be buddy-buddy wit me..well sort of..cuz ima ask my piano teacher to buy an ad and i'm yeah i kno wha ima say LEAVE ME ALONE and ugh. yesterday tOo. sheesh. i can hold grudges for quite some time jes so yeno. so watch out biiitchesss!

lalala it's hot hot hot. and the internet/computer makes me sleepy so i'm out. maybe i'll jes go and eat and get fat. peeeceeezy!

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last night i REGISTERED FOR THE SAT I and my parents were givin me a fuk'n HARD TIME. i'll write wha i wrote in my diary so then u'll get a better feel of how i was feelin..

12:30am
Dad ALWAYS knows how to make me feel like shiit and make me cry. all i did was register for the fukin SATs and he always has to make a big deal about everything! He always has to give a stupid lecture that hardly even relates to the stupid subjects! They always say that i chat tOo much and dont even take into consideration how HARD i'm trying to QUIT! They always fukin accuse me for everything and always try to find a way to blame me cuz everything'####### fault"! like i ended at around 12 mid. and he's saying i shoulda done it around 10 and i fuk'n told/asked them to register & shiit but mom sed to do it wen dey come out of their stupid room! so then dad tries to fuk'n put the blame on me n say "why dint u do it around 6 or 7" it'd be easier to jes TAKE AWAY MY LIFE! and then they can find this & see all the #### they put me thru! i hate him for this and i'm never gonna forgive him! if i could i'd get sum1 else to pay for my sat's and if i could i'd pay for it myself! guess that's the only thing i'm "grateful" for..that they're paying for it. i HATE talking about school to my stupid parents especially DAD cuz he's MEAN about everything and always makes me CRY! if he saw this i bet he'd yell right bak at me and say that he dus the opposite. well that's BULLSHiiT becuz he dusnt' know how i feel AT ALL! he jes keeps puttin me down! he dusn't see himself the way he presents himself to me. ev'rytime i tell him he's yellin at me he always denies it! even wen i was little..i told mom i don't like asking him for help cuz he always yells at me..so she told dad and den he YELLED AT ME AGEN saying that he's not. how HYPOCRITICAL. and again he made me cry. gosh, he PISSES ME OFF. and i wish dey could see this. even tho it has bad words cuz it shows the extremeness of my emotion. forget my dad. all he dus is yell yell yell and put me down.
i wish sum1 knew the TRUTH. i wish i had sum1 to talk to. that would understand me. now it's time that I need help. i wish there was someone i could run to. but there's noone. i'm all alone. but then agen, i dont like talkin to ppl bowt my problems..speshully verbally. it's easier to express how i feel by writing.
I hate myself and it'd be easier to die X_x

"take me away take me FAR AWAY FROM HERE"!!


if u read all of that i'm glad u care..or u were jes bored. ne ways so i deleted/added a few things but it's all the same message. and since i cried lass night/early morning i'm left with puffy eyes. hope it goes away soon.

well today i'm goin to a boring party. i'll prolly end up hangin round the parents/adults as usual. =/ i was sposed to sell ads today/this morning. but frikken angeline. i deno wha happened. no ride. guess we'll hafta do it some other time. peeeceezy.

[[[[[ EDIT: 9.31pm ]]]]]]]]
so i came bak from that one party and guess who i saw there..LYRETTE!..my buddy from church! from the retreat! haha gosh i thot i'd kno no1 there but then i find her! awesome. so i spent most of the time jes chill'n n talkin tah her. i have a few pix of us bein bored but bein the lazyass i am i'll post em up some other time. so peace out!

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