my goodness... the whole week has been pretty crazy.. it was my first ever evaluation and as much as i was hoping not to screw it up, of course i had to because its me and its my first time lol.

My job has its ups and downs.. i have my lull and busy periods during the whole evaluation. Sometimes when everything is going well, i don't really have anything to do excep to supervise that they are doing their work well. But when something happens, everything seems to be happening concurrently, the feeling is like everyone's trying to squeeze your damn balls.

Jokes aside, i must say it was kinda terrible feeling the whole time, because not knowing what's gonna happen, and not understanding what's happening, led to a lot of doubts and questions that nobody was free enough to help. Being the so called 'smallest', i was also treated like a PA or runner.....duh.... What's worse was that i experienced the worst case of 'murphy' so far, i cannot seem to fanthom how and why. Like my rovers didn't come on time on fri, had to stay till 11pm, i couldn't get my generators even ive 'ordered', i borrowed generators only to find them faulty, go back change get wrong cable, and found out they got none left. I got sent to a forsaken place where got swamped by mozzies and now my whole body looks like a blueprint for the himalayas. And my vehicle had to break down on the last day in the middle of the field. Came back, and realised me not doing something resulted in other people can't do their work properly, really felt very bad.. Learning curve is indeed quite steep.

That said, i guess the good part is that i got to meet a lot of people that i would normally would not have met if i was in other units. Furthermore, my this batch i had reservists with me, which were different to handle but had some good times with my driver and the HQ guys.

I was pretty down and demoralised but thankfully the office had some kind souls to offer me advise and cheer me up. I think a little motivation and appreciation really goes a long way, especially for me. Im a sucker for appreciation lol. I can be the slave to work, but if i feel im not rightly appreciated or my efforts not recognised, i think i'd be hard pressed to stay motivated in the future, guess that goes with my relationships as well.

gonna head to bed now, haven't slept very well for whole week, just want to rest and not think of anything now, even though there's this recurring thought at the back of my head, till tom then.

ps: my reservist driver msged to stay in contact, lol i was touched.

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given the right setting, the right people and the right amount of alcohol... its amazing what we can do

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This week has been so crazy.... so many things still unclear of, exercise is next week.. ran around like a madman the whole week, screwed up so many things, and stayed till so late for meetings and setting up.... kinda feel depressed that how come so much things to settle in the department and changes occur so fast... sometimes really very lost as well.. but at the end of the day, when you're down and out... as long as there's somebody that understands my pain, maybe it doesn't feel so bad... and even if just one of your men tells you that you've encompassed the officer motto (not sure if he's curry favouring lol)... not that it makes everything feel better... but at least..... i feel i want to fight.... or run like a madman.... just for another day... just for them..

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enter the room
close the door
pick up your guitar
close your eyes
and play your heart out
sing not because you sound good
sing because you want to
and sing your lungs out because noone is watching you
and sing, sing because you are free

everything cease to matter in this world, just your guitar and you.


... i think this L syndrome is contagious...

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Its upsetting to know that i have a friend who has lost his way in life, and is refusing any help from the rest of us. The strange thing about him is that materially, he has all that he needs. However, one thing that eludes him so far is his love or just..love (aren't we all?). He refuses to do anything but to sit in his room and play his games and contemplate on the great mysteries of life. Our efforts to reach out to him have met with hostile rejections, with a poor kids bike drowning in the first attempt.

Here is one individual that has lost his purpose in life. It has got me thinking on more than one occasion: what is our exact purpose in life as well? Honestly im not too sure myself. Perhaps im just a cog in the machinery just living my life in search of petty pleasures with no divine or poetic purpose. But seeing first hand someone that perhaps the sole purpose of his existence is just seeking love, im not too sure whether it is the healthiest choice either.

If someone wants love, and yet fail to see the kind of affection that his family and friends have for him, woe is he because he is blind. Im not prepared to lose a friend like this, but honestly i don't know what to do as well, so are my friends who truly care, for someone that used to have the zest for living.

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Mantra:

1. Read the Sandman. It'll make you a better person.
2. Listen to Pandora, it rocks. It introduces you to new music with reference to the songs you like.

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