that's the perfect word to describe how i feel right now...i'm like, tired, and i have a headache starting...bleh..we almost didn't get into the play last night...thank god we did thou..it was okay..not the greatest, but they do really good, even if the story line sucks...haha...we went home, and then fixed macaroni and cheese bc i hadn't had dinner yet...so i ate dinner at about 11:30pm..that was fun..and then we crawled into bed about midnight...and then just started laughing for no reason...oh, prolly b/c i was making weird noises while i laughed...don't ask, very hard to explain..haha...and then we fell asleep...it was fun trying to fit both of us in a twin matressed top bunk..haha..that was great!!..it was comfy thou, i didnt wanna get up this morning...but i did...we went to church, and then came home, and we did jackie's chores..well..i did most of the clothes folding....b/c she was busy hog tying jennifer..haha..that was fun thou...love to harass little sisters...and then we put her mommy's bunny village up..and then her mom brought us here..and here we sit...as usual, home alone...*sighs* well i'm off for now....i love you jim..happy 5 months baby i love you forever and always baby..can't wait to see you tomorrow..i'm so excited

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well today was interesting..i went in mom's room to get something, and i decided to pack up my things in there that i was going to take with me..plus some of her keepsakes that i wanted in my apartment..so i gathered the stuffed animals i had in storage in there that were of importance to me, and i piled them up to be packaged..and then i went to work on some pictures...i looked thru them and found myself sitting on her bed weeping from the memories they brought back...dad came in wondering why i was crying...he didn't know how to comfort me so he just left the room..nice huh? all i'd want was a hug, but i guess that's a bit too much..*sighs* so i went thru her chest of drawers that had things in it..like, old memoribilia from her life and stuff..and i found an old church bullitin between her and my dad, and my dad circled the letters in a way to spell i love you..(randomly selecting a letter from like, each paragraph and such) and that was the same day my dad asked mom to marry him..it was so cute..and i found some stuff that'll look good in the apartment, and just stuff i want to have in my posession...some pretty jewlery too...i just really miss her..but going thru stuff and having a nice healthy cry makes me feel a bit better...but i really gotta get ready..idk what time jackie's mom's picking me up, but we're going to the play tonight, and then i'm staying at jackie's house...YAY a family environment!!! then it's church in the am and then i guess jackie and i are chililn here for awhile tomorrow afternoon..then jim comes up on monday, and b/c we're supposed to get a snowstorm monday night, after he gets there, we're gonna go buy a sled and get chinese for dinner..i'm so excited :) yay!! haha..but i'm out..i really need to pack and get ready....i love you jim, so much baby, you're my life and i love you so much <--what are these..bunnies??

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Time after time I tell myself that I'm
So lucky to be loved by you,
So lucky to be the one you run to see
In the evening when the day is through

I only know what I know.
The passing years will show
You've kept my love so young - so new.
And time after time you'll hear me say
That I'm so lucky to be loving you.

I love you forever james thomas zdziebkowski

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ahh, what a great show...i'd have to say that "the nanny" is my all time favorite show...it makes me laugh, it makes me cry..it's just great..i love this website i found...it has highlights from every single episode, so it's basically a summary of every episode...i just got done reading the whole thing..haha...it's so great..i guess i'm in a better mood than i was last night...i got offline around 10 and jim called me..we talked for like a half hour and then went to bed..i fell asleep instantly..i locked all the doors and even set my house alarm b/c i don't feel safe sleeping when nobody's home..and i guess i was so out that when my dad came home, i didn't even hear him...and my bedroom door is right across from the front door, and the alarm gives this 'buzz' to let you know it's set and give you time to get inside and deactivate it..i didn't even hear that..so i guess it was a good night's sleep..i slept till about 8:30 this morning..i can't sleep late and that bugs me..i think i'm gonna try here soon thou...i'm so bored...i gotta wait till about noonish i guess to call jackie..see if she wants to hang out today...i'm so bored...i hate being bored, but i guess it's a way of life...but im out..i'm gettin kinda sleepy again..and i'll try going back to bed.... <-- i think hes on somethin!

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my dad came home for a total of 3 minutes..i ask him to run me to elmira to get chinese for dinner b/c i don't feel like cooking..."sorry, i don't have the time...the auction starts at 7 but darene and i want to get there now so we can look at stuff"...tha'ts pretty pathetic..when he chooses his fucking girlfriend over his flesh and blood daughter...fucking bullshitting pathetic..i hate my life

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i'm so so bored....the theme music to austin powers just popped into my head, so ..i titled my entry that..haha..today was a long ass day..i think it's because it was friday...friday's are nice...we made caramel corn in world of food today..ick...i hate that stuff...but i made it, and gave most of it away..kyle bradley overdosed today in school, and was sent to the ER...that was interesting..i saw some kid get taken to the ambulance, but i didn't know who it was...i just wish i knew what he od'd on...on other notes thou...i can't wait till next saturday (the 19th)...it's such a busy day..first off, jim will be there *yay* and then we're going to my friend's concert in elmira..and then i was invited to Whitney and Danielle's 18th birthday party, but jim and i had plans to go away for the night..just the two of us since my dad and his gf aren't going down home like we all planned..*sighs* it sucks..i wish mom was still alive so we could take family vacations again..i really miss those...going to ocean city for a week or so...going down to see fam...it sucks ass..*sighs* i just wish mommy didn't die..i really miss her...it's been 2 years and..8 months now....it'll be 3 years on june 25...god that's a long time..it feels like forever since mom's been gone...god i wish i wasn't home alone right now..i've been home alone so much in the past 3 years...and i never really was when mom was alive...i hope jackie's mom lets her come over tonight...hopefully we'll have another sleepover...and then go to the school play tomorrow night..and then sunday is youth group if we go..and then monday is school and jim comes up...thank god..well i'm really depressed now...i'm off to go do something constructive..maybe i'll make dinner...for myself..as usual...i'm really jealous of jackie..she has a family...i love being there and feeling the feel of a family again...god i miss it..if my car didn't break down, i'd go over there..but nope...figures...it's being worked on now...but i'm out..lates!

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