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ChrissyBabe1718
Age. 37
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. white
Location Moscow, PA
School.
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My mindless ramblings..

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my past...
Sunday. 3.13.05 2:53 pm
okay..my past...phew..i just feel like ranting today instead of sleeping...anyhoo...my life was great up to age 15..i had a family, my parents fought, but not that much, and they weren't divorced..but..i had a great childhood, full of memories and good times..pictures too..christmases were great, birthdays were always celebrated, and there was never a softball game my parents never went to...but when i was 15, my life changed drastically..i was quite depressed in may of 2002...and i had this one online friend who i talked to, that told me to join the teen matchmaker at www.teen.matchmaker.com.. and i did...so i could meet local teens in my area..and this one guy, jon, emailed me on there, and he seemd, well..great...and then the day after he emailed me, another guy named chris emailed me, but he comes into play later in my life...and well..jon and i agreed to meet, and i asked my mom, and she said yes, as long as her and dad were there, and we were to meet at the arnot mall...so we met..and he seemed soooo great..he bought me my first rose (other than the ones from my parents) and a gigantic teddy bear....played the perfect gentleman, took me around the mall while my parents sat in the food court waiting for us to get back after the hour they gave us to walk around, and he always had me back before that hour was up..and they'd give us another hour...well...we were in spencers, and i got my first hand hold (since my ''boyfriends'' in younger grades) and then outside of spencers, i got my first kiss...and then, i should have known something was wrong when he couldn't keep his hands off me...he was literally molesting me in public, but i really didn't think anything of it..i kinda liked it..i was 15, never been thru that stuff before...except for when i was little and i was molested by my mom's friend's son..but i'm really not gonna go into that..b/c i can't really remember much, except the one time he tried to do stuff to me, and yeh, nevermind..but back to the jon story...and jon seemed soo perfect..and he'd come over to my house and spend a few hours there...but then one day..my mom fell..it was june 20th, and we were getting ready to go out shopping...and she fell in my room, and bruised her knee pretty bad...so she was unable to move for a few days..b/c her knee hurt so bad...well the morning of june 25th, i woke up early b/c my friend that lived next door called me as planned so we could go swimming...after eating a bagel and watching some tv while on the phone with her, i decided to finally give up at 10:40ish, and wake mom up, b/c she was sleeping later than usual..i figured since she was hurt, she wanted more rest....well i went into her room, and i tried to wake her up, but she didn't wake up, even when i screamed...so i told valerie i had to go, and got dad outta the bathroom..i banged on the door and was like, mom's not waking up...and he had me call 911..and obviously, she had died...she died from a blood clot in her bruised knee traveling in her main artery and blocking her artery to her heart and died..instantly overnight..cardiopulminary arrest...it's an evil set of words....i died that day...i haven't been the same since, but would you really expect me to? my mom and i were tight...tighter than most mom's and daughters...we were all we had when my dad would go down to the church and do his shit down there...that night, i went swimming with val finally, b/c they had me go to take my mind off stuff, and i was floating in the pool, just thinking, looking at the sky and crying, and i could have sworn i saw the outline of an angel in the clouds...it was the shape of a human in a dress, with wings..it looked so real, i asked my one friend that stayed the night with me if she saw it, and she saw it..so...but the day of mom's funeral came around...which was july 8th , 2002..and jon and i had been together for 1 month and 5 days..w.e'd been together since june 3rd btw...and then he went to the funeral with me, played the sympathetic boyfriend...and then when we got back to my house with a group of my friends, b/c i didn't wanna really be alone, so we're all hanging out in my camper we'd camp in as a family, and we were all talking about stuff, and then tj's like, why don't you two do stuff...we'll sit outside and let you know if someone comes..so sure enough...i'm vunerable, my mom just died, and i just went thru her funeral way to young, and i was like, okay...and he took advantage of that and took me...so i lost my virginity on the day of my mom's funeral..it sounds so horrible...it's so wrong, but i try not to blame myself b/c i was so vunerable...but anyway..months and months go by, and he's turning into a really mean guy...he yells at me, hits me, abuses me verbally, calls me fat and stupid, says mean things about my mom, but i stay with him..i get pregnant..unfortunately...but we got in a fight one night, and he hit me with the car..and i miscarried the next day..i was about 2 months pregnant, and i was happy b/c i love babies, but..i never got to experience it...and i hope i do, b/c when he'd abuse me, he'd punch and pinch me in the stomach and right below in my ovaries and stuff....but i'd finally had enough after a year of being together and after about a half year of being engaged to him, and chris came back into the picture...the guy taht emailed me after jon did..so chris and i met on march 24th, and we kissed, and the next day, march 25th 2004, jon left me...he left me with a messy house, and that's about it..( he lived with my dad and i) but...if i didn't let him take my portable dvd player, my camcorder, my car, and my ps2 games, he would have taken my dog..his mom gave me the dog for christmas 2002, and i fell in love with her..that dog is so emotionally attached from me, even when i sleep without her, her heart breaks and she's so happy to see me in the morning....and she starves herself while i'm gone...so i really can't leave for a long time, or else she'd die of heartbreak, but he was going to take her too, and i told him to just take it all, take what he wanted, but let me have baby...so that's why i say she's my everything...and i can't live without her..i love that dog with all my heart.....but back to chris...well we'd get together for about an hour every other week or so, and he'd use me for certain favors, but never sex..until this past summer....but even before we ended up doing stuff, i had a fling with a guy friend around prom time..i even left my prom early b/c we were all going camping that night...and i gave up my prom for him, only to be left in the cold the next day by him dumping me for his ex...i even skipped school for him, which i do admit, was fun..but then around the end of june, i got used again b/c i'mi so fucking stupid and vunerable and was so desperate for men's attention, that things happened between another guy and i, but never sex, until chris got to me one night, and we ended up doing it...and i felt so wrong afterwards...and when school started this year, i found out the new guy in my grade was his best friend, so i asked justin if chris had a girlfriend and justin said yes, and i was like, since when, and it was since november '03....i cried and felt so dirty and disgusting...but my god, after that..i got attached to justin, b/c i thought he was so hot..and we kissed...and then he got attached to my best friend jackie, who took what i said the wrong way, and ended our friendship for about a week by dating the guy i was madly obsessed with, but at the same time as justin, i met jim..and honestly, i had no intentions of dating him...jim and i were like, quick close friends...we were so alike, and we wanted to keep it like that, as just friends...but jim i guess fell deeply in love with me *tee hee* and asked me out on my 18th birthday, october 6th...and i accepted, and i was still in 'love' with justin at the time, but around the end of the month, when the jackie and justin episode went on, i realized what a great guy i had in front of me, willing to give me up, the 'girl of his dreams' just to make me happy, b/c i wanted justin...i ran to jim crying my eyes out, having panic attack after panic attack, over another guy while i was dating jim, and he just helped me thru it, and here we are today, happy as can be, so i'm really glad jackie did that to me..i actually thank her now instead of calling her a slut and telling her to die...so..but i've had a crappy life..and i'm not doing this to get sympathy, but i just felt like being whiney and whining about my life and how it sucked..but i'm truely happy now...well, not fully..b/c obviously my dad's never home, like right now..i'm alone..as usual..but anyway..things have gotten a lot better..i've pulled my grades up from when i was with jon....i used to fail everything...and now i'm back to my a's and b's...and i've lost tons of weight, b/c i was so depressed i'd always eat, and all jon ate was mcdonalds and shit anyway....but i'm really happy with jim..he's like, a vision...he's everything i've wanted in a man...and more..i love him to death...and ...he's just the perfect man for me...i love him with all my heart...and i will till the day i die..i consider him my first love now....because my supposed first love was a fat abusive son of a bitch...and jim..jim's just....god in my eyes..i love him so much that i can barely describe it....but i'm done for now..laundry's done, and i started this at 2:53 pm, and it's now 3:22, so i'm tired of typing..plus jim's home from work , and i wanna talk to my baby boy...i love him... thanks for listening as i complained...

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sooo sleepy...
Sunday. 3.13.05 2:51 pm
goodness i'm tired...i didn't get to bed till like, 3 am this morning, then woke up around 7:45...there's a fucking mouse that got into my house from outside..damn cold weather..and it decides to take a wander thru my room..and i guess since it's so warm in my room, it likes to stay in my room...so that kept jackie and i up , b/c mice freak me out, so i went to the grocery store today and bought some rat poison..that better flippin work..i hate mice..even thou i owned a pet one before..haha..it was a spur of the moment decision to buy it, and i named it chreg..(prounounced craig)...long story, don't ask..haha...but yeh, jackie and i just like, left my room last night and chilled in my bathroom...actually...she went into my bathroom b/c i was getting cranky b/c i wanted to sleep and she was on the phone with her boyfriend, so she went in there, then i got insomnia and couldn't sleep, and had to piddle, so i went into the bathroom, and then i wasn't tired, so we decided to rummage thru my bathroom cabinets, the ones under my sink and counter...and then joe and her got off the phone and then we like, just chilled in my bathroom..haha...we got a big mixing bowl and filled it with warm water and had a ''shaving legs'' party...lol..that was interesting..and then we lathered our legs with lotion, and then painted our nails and toenails...let them dry, cleaned up the mess on the floor and then went to bed..got freaked out by the mouse, but by then i was like, dead tired, and i passed out after about 10 minutes of laying there..but yeh...last night jackie and i worked at the lion's club dinner...i felt nice, so i voulenteered to help, and it's a good thing too, b/c they were short workers...so they needed all the help they could get....it wasn't fun..my tables were full of snotty old people..well..the first two tables, weren't bad...my one was full of old people that couldn't hear, so i had to practically shout, and then the other table that trip was full of nice old people..the one old guy called me babe..it was akward....and then the second set, i only had one table to do, and my goddddd....some weren't bad at the table, but the one woman..my god i wanted to shoot her!!! seriously..she was a biatch!! with a capital B!! haha...and that's major bitch there...omg..that fucking claudette woman, i swear to god i'm gonna kill her...let me introudce her...she's this older woman in my neighborhood, very overweight, but seems nice...like the typical nice smelly old lady...well...she likes to be a brown-nosed back stabber...she befriends my dad..befriends me..and befriends my friends, and even my boyfriend jim...and she fucking talks shit about me behind my back, calling me a whore and shit, and even goes as far as to telling other people that i'm a whore, that i shouldn't be around here, stuff like that..she tells jackie's mom that jackie shouldn't be allowed to hang out with me b/c i'm a slut and stuff and especially when jim's here, b/c we all had a threesome the night of jackie's birthday....uhh...not that i checked....i had sex with jim, not with jackie..granted, jackie spent the night the night of her birthday, but we did NOT have a threesome, my god..that's totally against my morals...i'm happy being tied down to one person...and yet she calls me a slut b/c i've been used and abused and had intercourse with 3 guys..i feel slutty for it, but the first was my abusvie ex fiance, and then the 2nd was a one night stand that had lead me on for MONTHS upon months, and now jim...whom i'm totally madly in love with..but seriously..she fucking runs her mouth about me to my friend's parents, and to other people in my community..she says shit about my dad, and my friends too, and what pisses me off more than her saying shit about me is her saying shit about my fucking boyfriend..she doesn't even know him..so she needs to back the fuck off, but anyway, last night at the dinner, i was talking to Linda, the lady that's cat had kittens, and i wanted one for my apartment, and now they're 6 weeks old, so linda called claudette to see how she could get ahold of me to let me know that the kitties are ready, and claudette fucking chewed her a new ass hole!! she wouldn't stop yelling at linda telling her that i don't need a kitten and shit like that..i have 2 cats and a dog...i had 3 cats and 2 dogs, but the one kitten got ran over November 9th, and my doggie that i had for 14 years ran away and died in december...so i'm left with baby, whom i give my life to, cuddles, my old kitty who's almost 9, and reecey, my fat kitten who's like, a year old in june...oh yeh, i have a bunny too..she's been a year old since january..haha...i never really play with her, but she's a cute fluffball..jasmine..she's so fat..but anyway, i'm so sick of that fucking bitch saying shit about MY life to other people..and to my face..she's all fucking nice..and behind my back , she says shit...she tried saying shit to my dad's girlfriend darene...but darene told her off..sh'es like.."i don't believe anything you say, you say all this bad stuff about christine and i for one haven't saw any of the things you've been saying about her...i want you to leave her alone"...or something like that..but she's a fat miserable old bitch that needs to get a flipping life!! god...i don't see how her husband can put up with her..he's a nice old man, thank god he's going deaf in his one ear and prolly can't hear her half the time...he's such a sweet guy..poor chuck :( but yeh, i got really pissed when linda told me that last night....and my dad was at the dinner, b/c he wanted to eat there, and he came up to talk to me while linda was, and i was like, dad, listen to this, and i had linda tell him about it, and he got really fucking pissed off...he already told her off, but he's really pissed off this time..i mean, god, the woman's spreading shit about his own flesh and blood daughter, you'd think he'd be happy to not talk to her anymore, but i guess he's upset he lost a friend..i mean yeh, i'd be upset too, but i'd be more upset if i even heard anyone breathe a word about my daughter in a way i didn't like...i'd kill them..literally...which brings me to my next rant...which i'll do in the next entry, b/c i don't want to lose track of this weekend..haha...i'll title my next entry: my past....peace out for a few minutes..i need a drink and to switch laundry loads..

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*sighs*
Thursday. 3.10.05 4:17 pm
*sighs* today sucked..major ass..it hasn't even been 24 hours yet..and i miss him like crazy..my dad's not home..*suprise suprise* and i had to give a speech today, and i sucked..and omg ..it was just a horrible rotten day..i really don't want to say names, but a friend..well..great friend of mine has a new bf, and now she's gonna blow our plans off..we had plans for this weekend.."oh nope, now *name omitted* is comming over so i can't hang with you" it's really pissin me off...i never ditched her for jim...we never had plans i broke just b/c he was here or i was there...we never had plans when i'd go to scranton for the weekend or so...but no, it's okay to do it to me...ya know, i'm really fucking sensitive, and just b/c you have a new pot smoking boyfriend doesn't mean shit...chicks before dicks, am i right? i guess i'm not..i don't fucking know or care anymore..i'm outta here in an -x- amount of days....june 12th baby..then i'm outta this butt fuck town of nowhereville...lemme count..hold on...june 12th is: 94 days...that sounds like so far away...so i'll say approx. 3 months...i graduate in 3 months exactly..june 10th...i'm so flipping happy about that..i can't wait..i just want out....so bad..well im done complaining for now...i really miss jim...really really bad... <---umm...should i even ask?

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*Tina you fat lard, get some dinner*
Tuesday. 3.8.05 9:27 pm
hey all..it's been a long day...i had a snow day from school so i got to spend it all with my baby...it's really windy out..and really cold...so i think we might have a delay or somethin tomorrow b/c the wind chill's gonna be 15 to 20 below all night and day tomorrow..yay..haha...we watched napoleon dynamite today...haha..that was hysterical....god i laughed so hard!! """-Napoleon, give me some of your Tots. *No, go find your own. -Come on. Give me some of your Tots. *No. I'm freakin' starved. I didn't get to eat anything today. [squish] *Gross. Freakin' idiot! """ ahh that was a great part of the movie...i gotta go thou..i wanna get into bed soon..i'm sleepy and i wanna cuddle hehehe...night all!!

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oh yeh..haha...forgot..
Monday. 3.7.05 4:49 pm
haha, random, but i forgot to mention that my hair looks super cute today...pam french braided it into the two..it's so adorable...i love it...idk why i had to come back and do a new entry...yay..he pulled in..ta ta!!!

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urgh...
Monday. 3.7.05 4:34pm
meh..it was a nice warmer day out today, but now it looks a tad bit gloomy..ickie...i'm just waiting for my hunnie to get here..he should be here about 4:45..yay :) i'm excited to see him..he means the world and more to me..haha...my one friend justin just got the net, so i can talk to him now...that's pretty cool...i love my boyfriend thou..i love chocolate too..random, i know..but man, pre period's suck....i'm a tad late..no worries thou..it's usually late from stress due to school and crapola like that....nice that i'm complaining about my period for everyone to read, but hey, who cares?? it's my journal, right? right..anyhoo...we're going out for chinese tonight..yumm..i love that stuff with a passion..it's like, the best food on earth...except for chicken wing pizza..that's good too..but i'd have to say chinese is my favorite fast(er) food...i hate mcdonalds and stuff, but i'll eat it if there's nothing else around....arbys is great thou..chinese and arby's are tied for first..haha..subway comes in second..i love subway, but it can get old after awhile..i think chocolate's giving me a headache..i've taken like 8 ibuprofen today....the headaches just keep a commin...it's all good thou..haha..when jim gets here and i kiss him, i'm gonna smell like flippin chocolate..so maybe i should brush my teeth soon..instead of writing in here to entertain myself...but hey..it's all good...my dad's such a cheap tight ass..i really hate him..he spent like all my money i had....that's such a long story..i won't elaborate till i'm REALLY bored and have a lot of time..but he's taken over $30,000 from me....but..that'll be explained another time..ohhhh boy..it's 4:38..haha...i always get nervous around the time i know he'll show up...almost like i'm shy again..haha...i wanna go run and jump in his arms..that'd scare him..haha...that'd be funny too..he'd be like..well..hello to you too....i should do it..just to see his reaction...i didn't make my bed...ehh...who cares..it'll get messed up later anyway heh...i'm just so happy i get to see him..i have'nt saw him since his birthday..and that was on February 24th...so..i'm really excited...i can't wait till next saturday thou (the 19th) we're going on a mini vay-cay....just the two of us..which we're going to the next town over and getting a hotel room..just to get away from stuff and to be alone...it'll be fun...i order room service...i love that..haha..it's great..i can stay in my pjs and still get pancakes if i want 'em :) woohoo..can't wait for thatttttt....i made goulash in world of food today..ick...i had like a bowl packed with it..i mean, literally packed and filled to the brim b/c it was a whole batch of goulash for two girls...and we gave some to the teacher ...so ....and we still had to pack it down..it sucked..so i ended up eating some for lunch and then throwing some away...figures school would have chicken fajita hoagies for lunch today when i didn't bring money :( i love them things..that's like one of the few school lunches i can stand..but they didn't have any sour cream with it....so it wouldn't have tasted good anyway...ooo..jim'll be here soon..yippie!! i gotta brush my teeth when he pulls in..haha...or gargle some..or both..just do it at the speed of light....we get to order senior tshirts soon...but my dad's gonna be like.....*memememememme* (mimicking a person bitching...ya know how you do the whole high pitched mememememme thing..haha...god i'm a loser) haha..but i'm outt..just in case he pulls in within the next 2 minutes..hehe...i love him so muchies :) comment :) *ChRiSsY* <------suPRISE!!! hehehehe

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