Ive come to realise that i don't really understand love very much. textbook definitions and all, its still mightily confusing to try to apply it in our own context.

Love = treat the person nice, send them home, buy them presents and meals?

Love = hold hands, kissing?

Im not sure whether i have good role models in terms of having a proper relationship with another person.... sometimes i really feel that it is much simplier and fun to be single. It's only occasionally that the loneliness really sets in and just have to bear with it.

My office guys seem to be controlled by their wives one way or another, although im the sort that really needs to be taken care of, im not sure whether being controlled is what i really want...

expenses, time, choices being controlled?
you earn your pay but have to draw allowance from it with approval from your wife?
my boss year end bonus is already allocated to wife's new car...
it that's love, i think its pretty painful to live that way....

girls... can't live with them, can't live without them

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why do we do what we do, doing what we do?

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I woke up, looked around myself, took a good look at myself, realised ive been putting on a little weight. I was disappointed, i expected more....

Where's my superpowers?!?!?!?

I thought i was going to finally uncover my special powers, grow wings, x-ray vision that kind of thing, unfortunately, that didn't quite materialise.

oh well, better luck next year.

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sometimes i really wonder, how come i always kanna as the mc when im so silly on stage. giving presentation is one thing, being mc kinda scary because everyone expects you to entertain them and be funny but i end up being too serious lol...

anyway, gonna become the mc for my unit's deepavali and hari raya celebration tomorrow, desperately doing some research on the festivals so as not to make a fool of myself and clearly not to unintentionally insult anyone's culture. work on my script kinda slow cos for every 3 lines i write, i probably have to find evidence in 4-5 other websites before i can trust it.

well, at least i get to skip spring cleaning tom kekeke, just when my area has been highlighted as major eyesore.. but it's not always my fault!!

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Mayonaise... by smashing pumpkins.. the only band that can make me cry



everything is so bittersweet

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there's this appointment i go for every year with my dad. I guess if it were totally up to me, i'd make an excuse not to go. To be honest the only reason i go is because i want to see my grandmother, and feel quite guity for not visiting her.

my dad is as weird as me. he never calls or finds out about me, which i wouldn't really care if he did, but somehow, i know he does and just doesn't show it or bothers to. If you're his friend, you'd probably think he's a pretty good friend and guy, volunteering in the red cross and stuff. but then again, just like me, as much as we try or know how to help people, we can't seem to help ourselves, or want to for that matter. And after these dinners, i just feel so strange, just want to be alone... and just listen to my music..

sometimes i really wonder if since my life is kinda complicated enough, do i really need someone else to complicate other matters? How will it affect me to say that i want to put a girl i like into a position to be part of my family mess?

i am and always will be, a weird kid.

if you don't understand what i just wrote, its ok. just don't ask me about it.

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