Been a minute since we kicked it
Thursday. 2.19.15 2:49 pm
I got nothing but love for you, pal. You know I've always loved you like you were family and you know I'll never stop loving you in some capacity. That romance shit in our lives may be over, but we're not. You know you're in my bones and I know I'm in your soul.
You're not talking to me right now. I'm not really sure why... and I'm not sure when you'll read this. I say when and not if because there ain't nothing in the world that could break our bond for good. But, when that day comes when you come upon these words, just know that you're reading the words of a man who forgave ya before you forgave yourself.
I suppose that's what love is though, right? I know how hard it was for you to break my heart. But you were right -- I could feel you were pulling away before you pulled the plug. At the start, you gave me that deep, deep, deep love. Somewhere along the way I started to give it back... and I reckon that's where we went awry, pal. Darling, you give but you cannot take love. At least, not mine.
But you know what the great part is? If we could go back in time to that night in Portugal when we sang Bobby Brown songs on Dan's couch.. I wouldn't change a damn thing. The love, the pain, the joy, the sadness, I'm embracing all of it.
I'm not sure what our future holds, pal. When you called us quits, you said you''ve been unhappy with us for awhile and cited the long distance and us moving too fast for your comfort. I cried that first night. And the next morning. Put on some old school jams -- not Jodeci old school, I'm talking Marvin Gaye, Luther Vandross, a little Pendergrass, and got all up in my feelings.
Then I got to a good place. I'm still sad -- real sad -- but it's mostly over you not talking to me. But fuck it, we're good when you're good.
I'm still going to California next week. I'm not sure what you did with your ticket.. If you make it, and you want to see me, and you actually read this/my email or gchat, let me know... if not, I'm gonna see Zanzi for a bit, Khalea for a bit, and the homie Francis.
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Sunday. 4.20.14 11:51 pm
Sunday. 1.12.14 11:30 pm
I missed my Nutang 10 year anniversary. I can't believe I've been writing here for ten years... but yea, here I go.
"Don't get me wrong, Jonathan, education policy is an important issue. And I think that a change of pace in California would be nice for you," said my mentor, confidant, and friend to me as I sat in her office on a Thursday afternoon. "But... it's really, really important that we win Virginia," she says in exasperation. "And about the girl.. I know that's rough, but believe me, you'll get through it."
It'd been nearly two months since I left the Obama campaign in protest. My initial plan to find another job proved more difficult than I anticipated, so when the Campaign higher ups called me the prior week to inform me that they let my old boss go and wanted to give me my old job back, I felt a mix of joy, relief, and angst. "Look, I get if you just want to say 'fuck you all,' and hang up on my face, but take a week and get back to me," the guy from the campaign said to me when he offered my old job back.
I was back in Boston by that point, living on my big sister's couch and slowly going insane. My big sister is a beautiful person both inside and out and is probably my biggest influence in life. She taught me how to read, how to stand up for myself, how to cook, and used to stand up for me whenever I was teased as a child. But she's super clean and has a little bit of Monk in her thanks to her OCD.
It was lowkey driving me insane trying to make sure everything in her home was in the exact position as it was before she left for work in the morning. So I accepted the offer and decided to head back to where my life had previously turned upside down.
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Friday. 1.3.14 8:51 am
took a roadtrip to houston.. will update tonight when i get back 2 my room. yay. wish me luck
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Wednesday. 1.1.14 11:19 am
ah shit where was i?
ok so here's what i should do by the end of the month!
- entry about going back to boston for a few days, going back to acmpaign life, maybe five about working on the campaign and all that shit, then an entry about the last time i saw caitlin, then one about going to d.c. for a night, then cali, then back to texas and laredo and mexico and all that then back to cambridge in the spring, ppl i met, school, dean, etc, ummmm.. then sumemr in nyc with the girlfriend who hated me and putting ppl in cages for a living, then back to cambridge and nowww
hopefully i'll be caught up to presen day by the end of january.
k lets rock WILL WRITE AN ENTRY TODAY AND HOPEFULLY EVERY DAMN DAY THIS MONTH WISH ME LUCK FAM <333
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Saturday. 11.9.13 10:35 am
sometimes i feel like i'm on a stationary bike
where i've been peddling and peddling for so long
that the bike station has been eroded and i'm now on some runaway bike
on a path to nowhere and somewhere without any sense of direction
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