DO you ever have those days where you just feel lost or never quite feel right? Well I have those all the time. I need to change some things in my life. Here is my brief list that is very rough...

1. Change my stupid job. I like being a designer, but I actually want to design. I want to go back to residential, model homes to be exact.
2. To achieve #1, I need to realize that maybe I need to move. I need to go somewhere the housing market is booming...so that I can do models.
3. I need to realize that where I want to live (i.e. Montana or Idaho) that there are not a ton of Interior Design jobs. If I truly want to live in western Montana then I need to get into a field that has jobs there.
4. I need to get more friends...or at least ones that are more available and willing to do stuff.
5. I need to first and foremost take care of myself. Healthwise and Mentally.

SO I am not happy and I need to change, but I am at the stage that I am asking myself, "Where the hell do I start?"

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Can you believe that? The end of July ALREADY! I am thinking I might actually make it one whole year on my job. Amazing. We are SO busy here at work. My Project Manager (PM) is out for the whole week, so between fielding all of his phone calls with Marcy and doing all of the projects he promised we are slammed. But then again when are we not that way. All I say is that it makes the day go by faster. I am headed into a CAD meeting. Should be informative. We are trying to get our two teams here at work to have all of our drawing look uniform, so far it hasn't been but slowly it is starting to fall into place. But it will never be perfect. Oh well nothing I can do about except by making my drawings look great!

So since Sunday my tooth has been hurting. I was breaking down and considering going to the dentist, but I found out it was the problems with my ear that is cousing it. So I am treating a cold I have (minor) with my ear problems and the pain in my tooth is minimal. On a side note...I would hate going to the dentist, because i need SO MUCH work done, that I don't have the money for, that my dentist would have a hay day.

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Here I am slaving away at work, but hey it is almost the end of the day. My Best Friend (lazypuppy) is going home this weekend. I hope she has lots of fun spending time with her family! Gregory will be the center of attention.

I went to the doctor for my post surgical check-up. Everything looked good, but my blood test for my liver came back today. Basically it isn't what my doctor would like to see and I am anemic. So I have to retest in 3 months, then they will go from there. Kind of scary!

Well this one is a short one...I have to get back to work!

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Just a warning....I am a little down today.

I am sooooo fucking bored. I have nothing to do and NO MONEY to go and do anything. Plus I have no one to go anywhere with, cause everyone is soooo busy. If I have to hear take it easy one more time I am going to scream. I have been in recovery for over a week now and the time at home is starting to get to me. I mean i can't even go to the pool in the fucking heat...because of the surgery. I am fucking climbing the walls with boredom.

I wish I had someone to come home to (although I love my kitties), I wish I had more available friends. Whenever I bring up doing something they usually say no, they are busy. It fucking sucks.

I can't even take a road trip, because gas costs so much, and I barely got a paycheck from work. This 4th of July is going to suck...no plans and I really don't want to watch fireworks by myself. I am an only child who is sick of constantly doing shit by herself.

UGHHHH!!!!! ok that is my rant. Doesn't look like my attitude will clear up tonight, but tomorrow is always another day.

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I got a call from the doctor this morning. It was early too. Turns out that he will not release me to go back to work till I see him in his office. Well I can't do that till tomorrow, which means I can't go back to work till Monday. This sucks! I am actually really bored being at home...although it is nice being home.

Plus I wanted to give my boss some reassurance, you know. FAT CHANCE. We will see how he reacts to this. I called in as soon as I got off the phone with the doctor, but he didn't answer so I had to leave a message. I hate leaving messages. Anyways so now I am at home from work two more days. It is bad enough I have to make up (or pay up) the time that I am missing, this is going to be hell!

But my grandma will probably be happy that I am not rushing back, and so will my mom. So they don't have to worry so much about me. It will only be a week on Friday since my second procedure...so a week downtime isn't that bad, I guess.

I am just so frustrated with the work situation. I know my job is on the line and they need me to work. UGH! I am already NOT sleeping because all I do is think about work and getting fired. I got like 2.5 hours sleep last night. AND I am wide awake this morning with no hope of getting in a nap (since I am home!) INSOMNIA SUCKS!

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I am officially going back to work in the morning. I am really not looking forward to it. If I never had to go back, I would be soooo much happier. But I need the money and if I quit I wouldn't have any to pay rent.

I hope that they treat me better. I mean I had NO control over the surgeries, but they treat me like I am lying or some shit. I was good to this company and this is how they treat me. I am currently looking for a job and I have two interview on the horizon, and I need to call a third firm to set up one. So that is promising. I just have to figure out how I am going to take some time to go to these interviews.

I do think that this career dilemma is my fault. My last company treated me like shit, but I will admit I never gave the effort to that job because I knew that I wasn't going anywhere, but this current job I tried to give it my all. AND they fucking hired someone while I was on medical leave. But they are not supposed to replace me...but they are in the same position and on my same team, WTF am I supposed to think?

well i think i have rambled long enough about the crummy job. I am doing better since the last procedure which was less than a week ago. I hope that I am not coming back to work too fast....but we will see. But I feel good and I am not so tired and run down (just wait till I work a day).

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So late Thursday night I had this horrible pain in my upper abdomen. I figured it was a complication from the gallbladder surgery.

My mom ended up taking me to the ER that night and after 5 hours and a ton of tests in the ER I was again admitted to the hospital. Turned out that they didn't get all my gall stones. There were some in my bile duct and some in the duct to the liver. It was one of the most painful things ever! And I am not good with pain.

So Friday afternoon I had another surgery to remove those gallstones. I also earned another night in the hospital. I swear you can not get ANY sleep pr rest while in the hospital. They bug you almost every hour.

I finally got to go home late Saturday afternoon. My liver is still questionable...it wasn't up to the levels that the doctors would of like to have seen. Let me tell you how much better I feel! It is like night and day. And today I finally got some much needed rest.

In 3 weeks I have to have some tests done on my liver and they need to check my incisions and such. I also have my surgeons phone number if anything else goes wrong.

My doctor said that I could take the next two weeks off of work if I needed it. I really don't think I need that long, but I am at least taking a few more days to recover. Plus I bet my bosses are not at all happy at this moment. Oh well, what are you going to do about it? I had surgery (twice) ...they need to deal with it!

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I went to the ER late Monday night because I was nauseated and in pain. They made the decision around 4am that I was going to surgery. I had surgery around 9:30 Tuesday morning. I already feel so much better. But I am still in pain around the small incisions. I can eat real food today...which helps since I have been on liquids since last Thursday. I was discharged around 2:30pm. So it was a day surgery and I got home. I am basically functioning to day with some pain.

I think that I was sent home a little to soon. Like I was discharged right from the surgery recovery room. It was weird.

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