Do things ever really change? If life is a cycle that repeats itself over and over again, then is there ever anything new to look forward to?

Maybe we just don't always recognize the similarities between situations and circumstances but at the heart of it all - it's just the same old thing. . .

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Ok so I know I was the one that broke up with him. But there was really no resistance on his side, leaving me feeling like I was the one that was dumped.

and now all I have done the last few days is pout.

I'm good at pouting. I have a knack for it. I should be the poster girl for pouting. However if I had such an occupation to fill my time I suppose I wouldn't be pouting as much.

I've also been having trouble sleeping and when I do finally get to sleep I'm tormented by disturbing dreams full of giants cutting down trees, horses swimming like ducks in ponds, christmas trains from hell and babies.

Babies being the most disturbing of images. I think I'm just terribly lonely.

How pathetic is that?

I was once happy being a single gal. and I shall try to resolve myself to being that silly little single gal again.

The thing is I don't want to be that girl again. I want him to want me and refuse to let me give him away. pout. pout. pout.


asshole

pout

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I just want to get fucked up

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Sometimes I just want a quick fuck.

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When I'm feeling shitty I do one of two things: Eat Ice Cream or Buy Cheap Shoes. Being that it was too cold to eat ice cream I opted for a pair of sparkling turquoise heels with matching crocheted flower thingy at the toe. They're like my very own Emerald Slippers that will wisk me away to exotic new places upon the triple tapping of my heels. Obviously I feel a bit better.

I did not just happen upon these gems though. I sought them out. I travel from one Payless shoe store to the next hunting for the perfect fit and style and color that will satisfy my hunger. Actually I was hunting for another pair which would have suited me well in my NEW JOB!!!

I suppose I should mention my new job, seeing as that is a rather big change in my life. But back to the shoes for a moment. The pair I had being looking for also had a bit of turquoise in them with a flower shaped jewel at the toe. They were much more serious and appropriate for the work place. However, I have been to many a Payless to no avail. I did come away with something much more exciting so I am pleased with myself.

As for my new job, I will be the new administrative assistant in Downtown San Jose. I work on the 16th floor! The elevator button doesn't even say the floor number like all the other buttons - No, it has the company name in it! How Bitchin' is that?

I start March 30th at 8am. Which is good and bad for the same reason that the beginning of my spring break. Unfortunately this means I will not be seeing my dear friend Andi before she heads up to that cold state of Michigan.

Until then I am planning to workout more regularly and finished up this quarter strong. Which I will start by finishing this blog.

Wish Me Luck!

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It's snowing in San Jose and San Francisco. I meant to write about this earlier but I didn't have time to get to a computer. meeh

Becuase Shane had to work in the City on Friday, we drove up to SF on Thursday night. We met up with Aaron at some sports bar, had some drinks and played pool before heading back to his place. Surprisingly enough I'm better at pool than Aaron! Of course Shane was way better than the two of us combined- not that that is saying much. Anyway Aaronwas a little stuffed up and so we headed back to his place. Shane fell asleep almost immediately. Aaron and I stayed up and watched the Daily Show on his computer and ate pizza before saying good night. I was suppose to take Shane to work but I was too tired. Aaron didn't get up until after 10 am. I dropped him off at work after a rather plesant brunch.

Wow that was all pretty boring . . . but anyway I headed over to the Haight but couldn't find it. LOL I'm a dumb ass. So I went down to the Wharf and chilled there for awhile. I got caught in a great storm when I was headed back to my car. It stopped just as I jumped into it. go figure.

Anyway I headed downtown to pick up Shane but I could only find parking in the Tenderloin. I didn't realize I was in the tenderloin. Honestly is it really that dangerous of an area?

We met up at the Meteron (which was apparently just b)ought by those fucking Westfield ppl!) Then we met up with Aaron again. Quite honestly the best part of my day was when I was on my own. On our way back to the car we experienced the greatest lightening and thunder storm I've ever been in. We drove up to Twin Peaks to see if it had snowed a lot up there. No such luck. Shane was getting upset cuz he kept seeing all these cars covered in snow.

The traffic was light as we headed home on 280. It started to rain again and then hail really strong and horizontally. We had just passed the on ramp for 92 and I was telling Shane that if I was driving I would have gotten off there and taken El Camino Real all the way home. When I looked back out the wind shield I realized that EVERY car that was in front of us was swerving. A brand new Mustang GT was spinning in the center of the freeway. And we began drifting towards to median. All I thought about was the vehicles coming up fast behind us. In a second each and every car had their emergency lights blinking. On this stretch of road the northbound traffic was about 5 feet up hill. I kept imagining a vehicle spinning off and over the railing and right on to my car. I was SO freaked out. And I really wanted to get off the freeway. I asked Shane to pull off at the next exit. He got angry with me. Instead of reassuring me that we would be alright, he says that 'if we get hit than we get hit'. WHAT THE FUCK?!?

I was soo mad at him. I asked him to slow down. And to move to the right as faster traffic had to move around us. He refused to and said that he felt more comfortable in the far left lane. I was getting more and more pissed. It is my fucking god damn car and if he wants to drive it he needs to do what I fucking tell him to do. Am I wrong?

I was too tired to go home afterward. I stayed at his place but slept on the couch again. I can't put up with him anymore. I need him to be so much more. But I don't think he ever will live up to what I want.

Its time to focus on me.

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