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bowl of oranges - bright eyes Thursday. 4.22.04 2:59 am The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming, so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open. Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been. So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets. But everything seemed different and completely new to me. The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body. And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet. I came up a doctor who appeared in quite poor health. I said "(I am terribly sorry but) there is nothing I can do for you (that) you can't do for yourself." He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help." So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I think I'm cured. No, in fact, I'm sure of it. Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile." So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone. And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow. But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself. It is best to compose a poem, an honest longing or simple song of hope. That is why I'm singing... Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company through those days so long and black. And we'll just keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve of Love's uneven remainder. But if the world could remain in a frame like a painting on a wall. Then I think we would see the beauty. Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges, like a story told by the fault lines and the soil. Comment! (1) | Recommend! You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will Thursday. 4.22.04 2:54 am it kinda sounds like he's talking about the person he's talking to and someone named will. i like these lyrics. You say that I treat you like a book on a shelf. I don't take you out that often because I now that I completed you and that is why you are here. That is the reason why you stay here. How awful you must feel. You said you would be my dream. I could have you every night and if, by morning, I had forgotten you, well, no big deal, it would be all right because you are the reoccurring kind. You are the reoccurring kind. You never leave my mind. Are you the love of my lifetime? Because there have been times I have had my doubts. We were just kids when I first kissed you in the attic of my parents house, and I wish we were there now. It took so long to figure out what this book has been about. Now I write when I'm away letters that you never read. You said go to explore those other women, the geography of their bodies but there is just one map you'll need. You are a boomerang. You see. You will return to me. You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. Because if you don't, then this book is all lies. If you don't, then my plans would be all ruined. If you don't, I'll start drinking like the way I drank before. And I just wont have a future anymore. Comment! (0) | Recommend! We Are Free Men by Bright Eyes Thursday. 4.22.04 2:47 am Well, the future spills its intangibles An unknown set of variables A path that spliten infinitely up ahead So tell me what's the use to pick and choose From what you should or shouldn't do? That's time spent better sleeping in your bed Or wide awake in a shopping mall, trying clothes on from off of the wall Yeah, anything to entertain yourself 'Cause a costume can be comfortable It can make you feel more beautiful It can even make you look like someone else But it's still you, so there's nothing you can do Like a bad habit, the one you couldn't kick, there it always is And it's nothing that no doctor's gonna fix They pat your back bruised with their accolades And all four walls are a trophy case But that doesn't make it any less of a cage But you can make it all less difficult By embracing the ephemeral Then you'd never have to worry or explain 'Cause if it's really all just physical, then my memory's immaterial So why then do I remember you at all? But I do, I do, my friend, I seen your face We shared a cup, I know the taste Its sweetness is relentless on my lips So help me drink in everything that is Like a freed convict, drunk on redemption From the way I've been But I swear this time, that things will be different Well, right and wrong, they have never been that far apart For those who'd write that sentence where you hang We will be lifted up from all of this Yeah, we will transcend the insignificance of our existence Yeah, your body's gone, but angel, you will live Yeah your body’s gone Now your body’s gone Now your body’s gone but angel you will live Comment! (0) | Recommend! *looks cute* Thursday. 4.22.04 2:25 am someone make me a new layout? or at least a new graphic? *looks real cute* puhleeeeeeeeeeze? *sigh* bastards. Comment! (0) | Recommend! lyric of the day Thursday. 4.22.04 2:25 am don't pick your moles Thursday. 4.22.04 1:49 am listening to: what to do - ok go mood: strange too much crap coming up before the end of the semester. i'm good for the rest of this week, but once the weekend comes.. Saturday I'm volunteering to help at Kids Day at the Basketball HOF from 9-5! I gotta 8 hours in to fulfill my ALD (honor society) requirements. I figured i'd just get them all in at once since the end of the year is upon us and it won't get done otherwise. doesn't mean it isn't going to suck! the event goes from 10-1.. so there's lots of prep work and stuff to do, and clean up and all that it looks like, but that's good, i'd rather have some random administration duty than do stuff with kids. i figure, leave the kids to the volunteers that actually want to work with them, i know my strengths would be much more utilized doing something productive not with kids. so yeah, there's that all day, i'll probably be pooped after. sunday i get to start on my legal studies paper. really i should start waaaaaaay before sunday, but i know i'm not going to! i have to do a 5-7 page paper on a current ethical business issue. i gotta find articles and stuff on a company that's going through law stuff and ethical stuff, like martha stewart, enron, tyco type stuff. that should be TONS OF FUN! oh yes!! and then i have a quiz in accounting tuesday, a finance web assignment due wednesday.. i hope erin is going to be ok doing that on tuesday cuz i so don't have any other times to do it!! and then on thursday i gotta go to a silly calandar meeting to put in dates and crap for GSA and PEN for next year. and then the economics extra credit assignment is due on friday which involves finding an article and writing at least a page on 6 or 7different topics.. yeah thats probably not going to get done! :) and then friday night i gotta go home because Saturday my mom's parents who live in Florida are up. I was supposed to go to PRIDE in Northampton that day, but I can't now becuase I gotta go home. They'll be up again in a couple months for someone's wedding, but I always see them for like a day when they're up.. They're mostly coming up to see my uncle Tony who had a heart attack a few weeks ago. They're all planning on heading up to my house for a get together bbq deal. it should be thoroughly exciting and thoroughly un-gay. :) erin w's suggestion: bring your grandparents to Pride! my response: uhhh.. yeah.. no! :) so im kinda bummed about that. i haven't been to that yet. i was supposed to go last year, but i went up to orange the day before to get nina and we were gonna head there together, but i ended up staying home and being gay in practice instead of in theory. so i've yet to attend one of those shindigs. ah, there's always next year. hmmm the boston gay pride march is may 15th.. we'll have to see about that. i don't have stats all next week :-D yay! hehehe. i woke up this morning with the poster thats over my window hanging from its bottom 2 corners, so it was like out straight from the wall, it was kind of strange and cool, so i took a picture of it cuz i like taking pictures of lame shit with my digital camera. and when i got back from my shower 20 minutes later i was glad i had because since then its just been hanging inside out by its last corner :) (yeah its still there, i'll just wait for it to fall all the way and then leave it down for a while and debate putting it back up cuz im lazy.. and may as well let it keep its dignity and fall on its own terms!) i know this is all boring dumb stuff that im writing but i dont really know what else to write about. im not really doing any less reflecting on life than normal, im just not getting anywhere with it. i just end up going around in circles and it never gets anywhere. sometimes i know i want this, sometimes i want something else, and i dont know what to do with myself. its crazy how one minute you can want something and the next you want something else. it kind of scares me how very easily i want two conflicting things. i'll talk to someone rationally about it and be all set, i know what's best for everyone and what i need to do, and then i talk to someone else and i don't think that way anymore. its madness! so i just chill in limbo because i dont know what to do and i dont want to hurt anyone anymore. am i sucking out for doing that still though? i dont know. the mole on the top of my hand is funky again.. maybe i should show it to someone before i pick at it this time... perhaps.. but i like to pick at stuff so it probably wont last that long. 0:) at the rate im going 'not that long' is going to equal 5 minutes... okay more like two 0:) oops.. self restraint is for sissies! right. i know everyone at some point wishes they were someone else, i doubt there's like ANYONE who's NEVER thought that.. but ya ever wish you were someone else in particular? and not like, Britney Spears or something, but someone from everyday life that you were like.. i wanna *be* this person... is that creepy? i just looked over at my book and i think im gonna go read now. even though that gets me into trouble and i end up staying up all night and not getting enough sleep. 3am max! erm.. well.. maybe 4 0:) I dont gotta get up till 1! hold up.. there's an ITA meeting tomorrow.. well i dont think i count as a member anymore anyway, so i may as well not even bother considering going. to quote scott, "willful failure to attend three successive meetings in a row, by charter, removes you from ITA. I have the unfortunate duty to tell you that one member has already suffered this fate." how many guesses do you need to guess that its me? i mean yeah, scott does love me, but i dunno, i've only been to what.. 1 this semester? :-D i suck. i really don't know why i don't go more.. i dont get to see scott often.. meh, but its not like i'd get to see him, he'd be running the meeting and talking out of his ass and i wouldnt really get to talk to him and it wouldnt be as good as the good old days. he loves me, he just admit it. my hand kinda hurts now where i picked my mole... i heart Ok Go.. they're rad. okay i was gonna go read! yeah! woo! buh byes! Comment! (1) | Recommend! |
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