Home | Join! | Help | Browse | Forums | NuWorld | NWF | PoPo   
adopt your own virtual pet!

"give my site a second to fully load, sorry for the inconvience."


memmorys are lost...
...to your own emotions

life is what we live
Thursday. 1.24.08 12:55 pm
be for all of this i used to dream of you, be for all of this i used to hope for you, be for all of this i used to be in love with you, but now as i look out to the world i had with you i wonder was it all worth it in the end? i wonder to my self should i have done all that i did? even with all the pain and hate, all the suffering that i did, did i still deserve what you did? was it honestly necessary for you to do what you did to me? was it the right thing for you to do that to me? was it right of you to even think of such a thing? why could you just be honest with me? why couldn't you just tell me the truth, told me that you no longer loved me, why could you just tell me that you wanted to be with him and not me... you think that i would have become angry? do you think that i would have freaked out... no i would not have even if you would have told me the truth, yes i would have hurt, but i would still have loved you more for your honesty then for you to go off and cheat and steal what was not yours, just tell me the damn truth and i would have been just fine... but no you had to go behind my back... you had to fucken lie to me... you could not just tell me "hay... things arnt working out like i thought they would have... no longer love you like i did be for..." but you had to go behind my back and fuck me over like that... what did you have to go off and do a disrespectful thing like that? i wish you would have told me the truth... i wish that things would have ended up different. but they didn't, instead of us becoming really good friends, we ended up hating each other, and thats not what i wanted... i wanted us to be able to be there for each others hard ship... but instead you had to lie to me like i was just some little kid that didn't deserve the truth... but little do you know that i ended up better then you... in the end i became the make you always wanted but now I'm no longer there for you to thrive off my up bringing... now, you have to pay the consequences of your actions, instead of having a real man in your life. some one that is going to do something with them damn self... you end up with a little boy that has nothing going for him self... so now that this is all sead and over with, when i get to the end of my road i will have more in my self then most people will dream of... you have no clue where I'm going in my life... you have no idea the things I'm going to achieve. this is my world now... i have full control over what happens to me... do you know what your going to do with your self? do you know were your going to be in the next 10 years? how about 2? i dought it highly... your not getting any were if you dont start to straiten up your act and quit acting like a child and get on with your life and stop hangen out with those little kids you call friends cause all there going to do is hold you down and keep you from achieving your dreams. good bye to you, i have nothing more to say this time. i hope you eventually learn what i have learned... live is not about how much drugs you can do... not how much alcohol it takes to get fucked up... or how my guys you can fuck in a life time... its about how much good you can do with your life... and how much you can change another person... i hope you learn... i really do learn...

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

the truth
Sunday. 7.15.07 5:24 am






[[You have to click 'Reply To Poster', and then copy and paste in a different bulletin or you wont get the whole bulletin]]


Why do people commit suicide?



Why do people cut themselves?



Why do girls become anerexic and belimec?



Why do kids bring guns to school?



Why do kids get depressed...so they start using meds, and abusing them?



Why do girls feel the need to act like sluts to impress guys?



Why cant people show their sexuality freely, without worrying about being judged?

In the Bill Of Rights, it says we have FREEDOM OF SPEECH! So why are we so afraid to speak up for ourselves?



I KNOW WHY!

Cliques


"Gangstas"

"Preps"

"Nerds"

"Goths"

"Emos"

"Scene//Hardcore kids"

"Punks"


^^^AND THATS NOT EVEN HALF OF THEM!


Society in general


We live in a world where if your not skinny, not beautiful, not sexy, not straight...your tortured, abused, and humiliated. We say that we are all equal but, there is still racism, sexism, and people judging others based on there religion, color, size, heritage, ect.

IS THIS AMERICAN?




IS THIS THE NATION WE LIVE IN AND FIGHT WARS TO SUPPORT?



I AM SICK OF IT!

Stereotypes, and everything else.
I want to live in a good place, without suicide, rape, murder, and JUDGEMENT!



IF THIS HAD ANY AFFECT ON YOU REPOST IT!


No, a ghost will not rape your dog.
You wont have relashionship problems
No you wont die in 7 days.
BUT you will have the guilt on your shoulders that you didnt try to get the message across.
I want to stop the madness.
If I only reached out to 1 or 2 people thats fine.
At least MY concience is clear...HOW ABOUT YOURS

Comment! (4) | Recommend! (2)

for the fight of life... i win!
Saturday. 11.4.06 12:22 am
meny words spoken from my mouth. but there are still so meny questions i have...
life has given me alot to live for...
meny things i have wonderd if i desurve.
some of the things i know i desurve.
there has been so menythings in my life.
so meny people in my life.
i have been loved
i have been in love.
but nothing in my life more then what i have now.
no matter what has happend...
no matter what has been sead...
i have kept the love that i have in my heart.
and i will never give that up no matter what is given to me later on.
i love my friends.
i love my gf.
i love everything that i have earnd...
there has been meny problems in my life.
but i still say that i have learnd alot from it...
and i still think that i have a happy life...
no matter what has happend in it...
abuse, pain, hate, anger, all the problems have been given to me...
but no more then any other persion...
everything that has happend to me has made me learn more...
and made me much stronger...
emotionaly anyway...
this things that i try to pass on is somthing for every one to take and for every one to learn from...
no matter what happends to me... i will always have the smile on my face... just cause i know i have a good life.
no matter how bad it may be...
just take a smile and walk on...
no matter what the waight is...
i move on just to keep my self. i continue...
keeping the inner strangth...
the reasions i keep going.
the one reasion i keep going...
for those who care.
for thoughs that keep loving me...
for chris.
for cory.
for junior.
for my mom.
for myself...
but most of all...
for arline.

i take the pain...
i take the abuse...
i take the anger...
i take the hate...
and i take the waight.
and i continue just to show everyone that i can.
no matter what happends to me...
i will continue with a smile.
and i will always keep my stragth...
and laugh at the problems of my pain...
i fight.
i proval.
i win.
and i rise!
over all of it...
i come ontop...
for everyone...
for my love.
for there love.
for them
for my self.
for thows who dont beleave.
for arline!

Comment! (3) | Recommend!

the love you give!
Friday. 11.3.06 10:54 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

happy one month to my babe and me!
Thursday. 10.26.06 1:21 am
with every mistake i have done i have not hatted anything more then the one i did to arline. i have come to relize, that you only get one real love in your life. the others are nothing like the one you realy love... i have been in love, and i have been lusted... but out of it all i will have to edmit, there has been nothing like the love i have had for arline... me and her have known each other for well over 2 years. and she even in times of absalut disaster she has seem to always brighten up my day... she has brote a lot of joy into my life, i have done the same for her but i also have broght her just as much pain if not more... i have fucked bad. and with her no worse then i can do... when you love some one that is all that should be in your heart... but i was far to young and stupid to understand that... and i made the mistake of stealing and cheating and lying... i stand here today to look back on my childish acts... and i think to my self... why did i do that... knowing how much i love her and how much she loves me... its sad realy, if you think about it... a women looking for a man... but with a little boy that has no hope of the deam of "love". you realy have to think to your self... are you ready to love some one no matter the cast? are you ready for the pain that may come with that love... and i would have to say yes... if you realy love some one then you sould put your heart and soul into it... you sould give them everything plus more.
there is meny things i have done but none no better then to actly love arline. and tell her the truth of what i realy am... and none better then what i have done for her... and i think that is why she has given me this second chance. after everything she beleaves in she has defide everything that she is... and has still given me this chance. and for this i owe her everything... and that is what im perpered to give her... everything, including my life. i love you arline, thank you for everything you have done for me... and thank you for being the one that loves me... i could not come up with some one better. i love you my everything!
to all the others out there as a close up, if you find that persion that makes you compleat... dont lose them. you only has a chance for your "dream girl" once. dont miss it and dont let it pass you bye... i have only one thing to say. love them like thay love you! no diffriend. no less.

Zero out

Comment! (5) | Recommend!

a year and counting
6.30.06
it was just a year ago, i sould be happy but now i find myself tworling down a path of depresion, it was a year ago to the day that me and the love of my life got to gether, meny people think im over exsajerating, but no there is no one that you love more then anything in the world other then the love of your life, its imposible to explain what i mean, you would have to be me to know what im talking about. it almost 2 years from when i fell in love with her, she was the greatest thing on the planet. danm near 2 years ago i met her, i met her off nutang. cause i like the music she listion to and i was trying to get her attenchen as it was so i messiged her, it was pearly by luck, realy if you want to think about it. she would have normily just told me not to talk to her but she gave me the chance. and we ended up getting realy close. we talked all the time. and i became very romantic to her, and she liked it. and we became even closer, and i started falling in love with her. i ended up moving away, leaving everything behind me, unforchinitly. but as soon as i got ahold of a computer she was one of the first people that i messiged back to see how she was doing, then i ended up getting a new computer and we started talking again, making up on the lost time. getting everything out and about, and what not. well we ended up hooking up. june 30th, it made me so happy when she sead that she would give me a chance. both of us already had some farly strong feelings for each other, and thay got stronger and stronger, i ended up coming to the realization that she was the one ment for me, thow i didnt show it very well. about a month later we met, in persion for the first time... it was asome, we clicked even thow there was still a bit of uncofurt but we still were hella kool... it was asome, not to long after that i made the stupid ass choice to cheat on her... i tryed to brake up with her because i felt bad and i didnt want to do that to some one i loved so much but it was extreamly difficalt, and i could not stomic leaving her, so i just kept it a secret. thow that was worse then braking up with her and telling her then, this little lie went on for about 3 or 4 mounths befor my best homie chris desided to tell her, wail i was on my way to see her for the 3 time, i was expeting to go out there and have a blast, and i had just been thow 2 months worth of hell to get out there and when i get out there she asked me about it one last time, and i still lied to her, i like an idiot lied to the only persion that i love, the persion i want to be the most truthful to and i lie, it was not only that but it was about somthing we had tolked about over and over again. cheating was untolrible in our relationship. it was unexseptable. and i still did it... like an idiot. me and her wail we were together were the closest that anyone could get. and i fucked it all up by cheating on her... that was not more then 4 mounths ago, and i sit here rusing thow the memorys of the only persion i will ever love. and sit here and think of the onlything that ever ment anything to me, and i sit here and i think about the only thing that ever made me happy... when i sould think about what i did to the only thing that ever truly loved me back just as much as i loved her... think about the pain that i gave her for my selfish act, i was suposed to be hers and only hers but i fucked it all up bye not giving it all to her... its a danm same when the onlything that i could think about when i was cheating on her was getting my dick wet, and the only thing that i could think about when my true love was crying in front of me giving me the chance to fix shit, i lied to keep my self from getting into a hole world of shit. its that shit right now that i want, its that world of shit that i sould have on me... *sigh* why i did it, i have only one answer, because im an idiot, and i sould have had better controle of myself. and now that i have that control, that detication, that detumination, its to late. if i could have one wish, i would wish that i could have the only thing that i love back. i could have the only persion that means the world to me back. the only thing that i want anymore, is Arline Cervantes. the only persion i love. this is sead one year after we got together. today is suposed to be my happyest day. today i'm suposed to be there. today i'm suposed to be by her side. today is the day that i was suposed to ask her to be mine for the rest of my life. and today i cry, like no other. there is someny things that go wrong in our lives and this, this is the worst thing that could happend to mine. im sorry Arline, and i do still love you. no matter what i will always love you. and i hope that your just as happy with the man you marrie as you were with me.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12