Sat
Think my mood is better, when out with gab for pool first b4 meeting my sec friends for the firesowrk at Espanlade. As expected, lotsa people, but the crowd a bit better than last year, less killing moments (squeezing). We meet together around 7 plus then manage to chop a place towards the centre of the bridge for a nicer view. Then have to wait until 8pm then offically start. Well the firework is pretty good. I luv the final grand finale. Too bad, I didnt take photos, my camera cant capture night shots. But there are quite a lot of professionals taking shots after shots on the fireworks, all the tripods and stuff. Well the whole thing actually last for 10-15 mins. After that we make our way to Lau Pa Sa for dinner, on our way there, we met with shawn and gang... heehee expected they will be there also.. well maybe I really hardly mix with them anymore, feels a bit strange, nvm... After dinner, home sweet home.

Sun
Nothing much, wake up around noon, have lunch, then head for tuition at 2pm. After tuition, went to chinatown get some snacks at CK before heading home. Haiz, the bus is damn squeezy... and I wished I could takae a cab home instead...

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After calming down and think through.. Yea I should really lose some weight! Partly to show him that I can do it and partly for myself as well for being more healthy and feel better for myself. At least, I wont feel too guilty for not doing nothing. Really thankful for those that express their concerns! I know one should not judge outer appearance over love, and everyone deserves love, but most probably different people have different needs and wants. Like my case, my bf wants somebody that he can wraps his arms around easily, somebody that wont make him feels small, and that are his main needs for the other half, while a nice personality and good heart would be bounses. Thus a good figure is what he concern and the rest would be secondary. This is his needs for the other half... What about me? How about tall dark and handsome? Well this is what I would like and dream for, and this is only the "shell". I want somebody who loved me for who I'm truly am, whom showered me with lotsa love and accept my ugliness and faults, someone with a beautiful "pearl".

As human nature, who doesnt want to be nice and beautiful, or have the other half that looks like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie? Well these are pure desires, back to this curel world where no one is perfect human being (God is fair), nice decent guys and gals that parents have no comments are good enough. But as I said this society is cruel, where people always judge by first looks rather from the speech you made. Just for instance, the beautiful one who wear bikinis always get the most attention and talk than one wearing swim suit. Also bigger size gals have less privileges, we only can shop in restricted shops like Topshop, Warehouse, Dorothy Perkins and a few more, rather than shopping for free-size clothes in local malls which are a whole lot cheaper. Perhaps in a few years time, you can see less big size people on the streets as with so many beauty and slimming flourishing now, and so much advertising of people dropping by dozen of kilos, so will there be any more fats troubled victims around in the future?

Well in my opinion, looks and figures are secondary, what matter most is having someone to love you and to grow old with, everybody will grow old and ugly one day, so will outer appearance matters then? But in my theory, when we are at different stage of life, we have different needs for partners. Example when young, you will want someone that look good and fabulous to show to the world. At 30s, you will want someone who are stable financially , excellent career and mature in thoughts. At 40s, you will want someone who can cook well and take care of the family. At 50s, you will want good companionship to grow old with.

Hence, now I know why my bf behave that way and somehow I respect his decision...

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Most of the day is fine.. gallery sitting, reading mag, things start to turn bad when I meet him... Actually, we are supposed to meet after my work at 6pm. It turns out he was late agian! I really looking forward to the date and spent much time dolling up for this occasion! But not only he was late, but came in sleeveless and 3/4 shorts I was really disappointed and sad, and told him how i feel, but we started quarrelling, and I started to rattled on how I look forward to it and thought he could dress nicer, how late he was, he didnt bothered to answer my call and sms to plan for the date and so on, I must admit I was talking louder and louder. Then he shouted to shout back saying I didnt tell him where we want to go or leave him a msg though he didnt reply, and he thought we are going Sim Lim buy stuff only so he dressed casual. But in my case, I though we will do more than going Sim Lim. So it was a total miscommunication! But in the end we did apologised to each other and moved on!

After shopping and dinner, when we take a drink at mac, comes the disaster. He told me he wanted a break-up! Reason being I'm too fat for him! I admit that Iam fat but I didnt think outer appearance is more important than inner beauty! He said he can go for better choices, and stop lying to himself the he love me 100% but actually 95% only. He said he cant take it anymore whenever he see gals with smaller frame and nicer figure, that he feels small beside me and cant protect me. I was speechless and heart-broken. To think that all these 5 and half years are nothing to him, and that I have been living in his lies! Then comes the decision, to break-up or not? I'm really blank and couldnt face it! Then came the ultimitum, half a year more to lose weight or seperate ways? So I choose the latter, telling myself that I shall try, if I succeed I will feel better about myself next time, and maybe able to attract more guys to get back to him! But the main reason is I couldnt let go... not now... not the future... I dont know how to let go cause I love him too much, being with him too long that it becomes a habit and I couldnt want fats to be the reason for break-up, at least maybe third party or affairs please!

Well when I heard him said that he is not always happy being with me and only pretend to, is the hardest thing to swallow. Come to think of it, it really hurts cause I feel like being cheated of my love and like I'm on one sided love, it feels silly too! Then comes the most painful memories, when last time he told that he love me, did he really meant that? or is another lie? When I thought about it, my pillow was wet and my eyes too swollen to open, it was a sleepless night...

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Well nothing much have happened today...

As usual, I was up by noon hahaha, 1st time I would do is to on my computer!
Heehee then wash up, grab some food and off to the computer!

Chat with Ida for awhile then spend the rest of the time downloading anime and watching anime! My favourite past time!

After which I got butt off by my brother when he returns at 3pm. Then I spent my time clear, clean and packed my room before my mum returns! I have promised her to do it the previous day! What a chore!

After clearing up, I left some time to bath and grab a bite before heading to SIM for econ nght class. As per normal, I was late again! Quickly sit down and followed through! Maybe is my bad luck or wat, my fren accidentally spilt her tea over my table, so my notes are drenched with tea! Also, my jeans and sandals are wet too! Haiz...feel so sick though my fren apologised profusely... I'm not angry maybe becos I feel uncomfortable with my wet jeans and sandals! Don't you feel that way too? Maybe just my luck today...

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Ok.. This is pretty late hahaa due to busy days!

Well, It went pretty well that day, we met at 3.30pm for some photo session before seating! This teacher keep using the speaker and chase us to get seated, think is the same guy that holds the speaker for our "Poly 50" too! Geez..

I was pretty nervous when seated, cause I am sitting very far from my friends due to receiving award, but it turns out that all my BD friends received the same prize too! So we knew that actually the "Best Denki Prize" is associated with our BD project. However, we have no idea why is it us from all the other groups... this is something to think about! Actually, we wanted to ask our BD teacher, but didnt have a chance to asked.

Then the ceremony started...Guest Speech..Followed by receiving dip by the courses.. An intersting to note, some of our Malay friends wear their traditional costumes onstage, but there is this Chinese lady( I think from China) wear a blue chonogsum with blue heels on stage, and so I exchanged astonished glances with Wing and Qiu Mei! Other than that, there is some who wear casual, another wear diff colours and another I noted, wore formal with boots! After this long wait, finally is our turn to received the award! The truth is actually I feel proud of myself, cause throughout my poly days, I didnt really put in much effort and my grades are very average, and to recieved this award meant that I archeived something! Though my parents are not there to withnessed this, but at least my dear is there, and he told me he is proud of me! I was overjoyed...

When the ceremony ended, we took more photos! From this camera to that camera! Well at least we are doing something memorable! After which, we headed to Woodlands to have dinner - Yashinoya!

I end my day with a dose of KTV at party world till 1am!

Tada!

Some photos from Graduation


- 1b22 gA|s - lIwEN, kIt, wInG, bRendA, qIumEI & kARen + ShAwN's Hand


- The Guys - boOn kok, kUrt, yEow tuCK, tIng fEng & shAwn


- wiTH kArEN "qiang jing tou"...haHa!!


- Gorup Photo

Credits to Kit for uploading the pics!

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Oh finally here comes my blogging journey!!! Frankly, at first, I'm really skeptical about blogs! I felt that it is a waste of my time since I don't keep a diary! But ever since I started looking through and reading my dear friends' blogs shamelessly, I have a urge to write and share my thoughts too! This could also acts as a platform for me to keep track of my life since I have been through a lot recently, and I felt that it is time that I get a life, love my family and treasure my friends! So here I come...

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