My crooked door opens with a thud and the jingling of Malleus' collar is heard as he rushes into my room.
Molly peaks her head from around the door.
"Wake up, Aldo! Wake up! You know you wanna get up!"

"...no, I don't..."
(Why would I want to get up?)

"Yes, you do! You know you want breakfast!"

(She's not going to leave, is she?)
*sigh* "Allright, give me a couple minutes..."

She closes the door. Malleus is left inside my room.
He claws underneath the door Molly had just closed.
He goes to the other door and attempts to open it.
He meows.
He meows again.
And again.
He meows one last time, but with more of a frustrated sound to it, and walks towards my window. Completely ignoring me.
He never meows. Ever...

That's when I realized,
This is the bright new beginning of the same old crappy kind of day.



I feel quite awkward here.
I had to find music first on the computer to listen to.
The placed me in the center of the computer lab and... well... it pretty much freaks me out. The music makes me feel a little safer. A little more seperated. As if everything outside of my computer screen is just some form of background screensaver, with students coming in and out, picking up their printed pages, shuffling papers, continuing about their routines.

My college years are and have officially been the worst years of my life.

I envy everyone around me, with their smiles of recognition of their friends, their purpose filled walks, their talented dispositions, with their hopes, dreams, and the world in their hands. They know not what they own. What they have. What a precious jewel it is to have so much opportunity. So much knowledge.

All of this may very well come to an end soon for me.
It's not much of a loss really. I never exactly fit.

I'm in here to do my defensive driving course, which I should have done an age and a half ago.
But you know me.
I'm lazy. I don't plan anything. I don't think things through. I don't remember much.
You reap what you sow. You reap what you sow.
And frankly, I wish I had taken up crocheting.

I guess that's why I don't have many friends. The few I do I have a hard time connecting with. Is it me? Is it them? What's wrong with me? Why must I have such a heavy head? One which drags me around and causes me to struggle to even lift myself up to see others eye to eye.

I don't have any money for this course. But I need to do it.
I'm such a fool. Such a fool for thinking that things would work out. I think God wants me to suffer. I think he enjoys my struggle. What His purpose for any of this is, is beyond me. Does He even have a purpose for all of this? Am I just making stuff up? Did He ever really speak to me? I don't know what to think anymore. My troubled mind has a hard time grasping that which it used to.

A drop out.
That's what I may become.
My mom received a letter from Wellsfargo. I don't know what it says. My mom's not good with the translating. I did get the impression, though, that they want me to start paying back my loan. The first loan I got. I haven't even received the second loan. The 8 thousand loan. The loan that's supposed to have paid for this semester. This faux semester, which begs me to stay, yet isn't paid for. I don't even have books. Not a one.
I can't afford this.
I'd need two jobs. Possibly three.
My mom isn't working still.
My half-ass half-witted half-brother with his two bastard children somewhere out there, which none of us have ever met, is staying at my dad's. Trying to get a job, he says. It's been months. He's a certified nurse. Fat-ass brother is taking the money I need. Taking the money my mom needs. His 35 year old self can cope.
Unfortunately my dad has decided that this is one of his finest moments to pay for his sins he commited in his past.

In the end, I'm the one who's paying.

So, I may yet be a drop-out. Just like all the statistics. A mexican drop-out. It'll do my father proud, I'm sure. And let's not forget the reputation that comes with it. "Aldo didn't graduate? Why didn't he? He's so lazy..." People will come up with the best assumptions that Satan could buy. And he'll just sell it to more people, "Well, Aldo didn't finish college. Why should I?" I shouldn't have to carry all those kids on my shoulders, but I knew what I was getting myself into.



No one knows. No one knows what I'm going through. No one understands. No one seems to even try and figure it out.
I guess I'm not much worth it.

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I'm moving back up to Denton.

So life remains hectic. All is well.

And though I have my mind on a hundred things that I need to and that I need to be doing... my mind still wonders...

So, in an attempt to get something out of my head, just enough to where I can work a little more clear headed, I'm posting these song lyrics as I pack.



"I like to make mixed cds that way people can wonder why there's certain songs on there..."



Everything's Ok by Chris Rice

Looked out my window last night
From my pillow and I
Saw the willow weeping a casual sigh
The man in the moon looked rather
Sad and confused as if he’d
Become a mirror to my watery eyes
I dreamed and prayed through the night
'Please send some grace with Your morning light.'

Then He sent you along like a summer day
With a blue-sky smile on your funny face
And a bird flew by singing 'Everything’s gonna be okay!', yeah
So we laughed all day with the man in the moon
And we thanked the Good Lord for the afternoon
‘Cause He showed me His love by sending me you
And it’s okay, now
Everything’s okay

I open my window tonight
Hear the rain falling light
Whispering that everything is alright
A long, low, and gentle rumble
Starts in the west and tumbles
Across the corners of the colorless sky
I blow a kiss through the dark
Sails on the thunder, reaches Heaven’s heart

‘Cause He sent you along like a summer day
With a blue-sky smile on your funny face
And a bird flew by singing 'Everything’s gonna be okay!', yeah
So we laughed all day with the man in the moon
And we thanked the Good Lord for the afternoon
‘Cause He showed me His love by sending me you
And it’s okay, now
Everything’s okay



Dreams by the Cranberries

Oh, my life is changing everyday,

In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems,
Never quite as it seems.

I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

Ah, la da ah...
La...

I want more impossible to ignore,
Impossible to ignore.
And they'll come true, impossible not to do,
Impossible not to do.

And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.
You're what I couldn't find.
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;
You're everything to me.

Oh, my life,
Is changing every day,
In every possible way.

And oh, my dreams,
It's never quite as it seems,
'Cause you're a dream to me,
Dream to me.

Ah, da, da da da, da, la...



Chicago by Sufjan Stevens

I fell in love again
All things go, all things go
Drove to Chicago
All things know, all things know
We sold our clothes to the state
I don't mind, I don't mind
I made a lot of mistakes
In my mind, in my mind

You came to take us
All things go, all things go
To recreate us
All things grow, all things grow
We had our mindset
All things know, all things know
You had to find it
All things go, all things go

I drove to New York
in a van, with my friend
We slept in parking lots
I don't mind, I don't mind
I was in love with the place
In my mind, in my mind
I made a lot of mistakes
In my mind, in my mind

You came to take us
All things go, all things go
To recreate us
All things grow, all things grow
We had our mindset
All things know, all things know
You had to find it
All things go, all things go

If I was crying
In the van, with my friend
It was for freedom
From myself and from the land
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes

You came to take us
All things go, all things go
To recreate us
All things grow, all things grow
We had our mindset
All things know, all things know
You had to find it
All things go, all things go

You came to take us
All things go, all things go
To recreate us
All things grow, all things grow
We had our mindset
(I made a lot of mistakes)
All things know, all things know
(I made a lot of mistakes)
You had to find it
(I made a lot of mistakes)
All things go, all things go
(I made a lot of mistakes)






There. Better.

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Sort me!

Brave. Daring. Bold. Chivalrous.
Gryffindor is most often seen as, "the best house," of Hogwarts. Of course, that title can't go to any house in particular, as they all have praiseworthy traits. We know the most about Gryffindor than any other house. To be in Gryffindor usually means you're brave, and borderline reckless.

Occasionally we see Gryffindors with other admirable (and not so admirable) tendancies, but most often we see bravery, however hidden it may be. Even if you think you might be a bit of a nervous wreck, chances are if you're in Gryffindor you have boldness hidden within you, only to emerge in a time of need.

To be a Gryffindor can be similar to saying you're most like a knight, showing bravery and chivalry. You can be very honorable. However, don't let pride be your downfall. Congratulations on being sorted into Gryffindor!

Link: The Harry Potter Wand Test written by sputnik845 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I honestly didn't really wanna be in Gryffindor. I mean, they're cool and all, but who DOESN'T love Gryffindor?! Who DOESN'T wish to be IN Gryffindor?! Who DOESN'T know about Gryffindors that doesn't know about Harry Potter?! Everything is Gryffindor THIS and Gryffindor THAT. I wanted to be something a little more obscure. Something a little more original. Something a little more real, instead of "OH! I'm in Gryffindor because that's totally what I WANT to be in because all the COOL PEOPLE are in Gryffindor!"

Gay gay gay.

Honestly, the fact that I'm so agitated about this is probably why I have those Slytherin tendencies...
And the fact that I over analyze this is what makes me a decent Ravenclaw as well.
But not a touch of Hufflepuff remains. Where it went? Who knows. It probably just started to take a swing towards Slytherin and managed to land me in Gryffindor instead.



So, I'm moving into my apartment/duplex tomorrow. Well, the big stuff anyways. And everything seems and feels so much different. With everything. I doubt Corrie hasn't played a big part in this.
I'm honestly glad she's leaving tomorrow. Otherwise... had I gotten closer, had I grown to care for her even more...
I mean, it's gay! We barely EVER hung out. Couldn't have been more than five times. Yet... The way I feel about her. What she means to me. How she's effected me. In a sense, how she's changed my life. Or helped God change it in any case...

So, yeah. I should be heading to bed. Just wanted to make a quick entry.






I could have fallen in love again.
And still can...

That means more than anyone will ever know.

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A Friend

Mirraim-Webster's definition:
1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : Acquaintance
2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion


When I was a child I longed for one. Desperately. I only had a few cousins in Mexico when I lived there. My mom and my dad weren't really "together" then, so I didn't really talk to anyone in my dad's side of the family and everyone in my mom's side was FAR older than I was. When I started going to school I made some friends. It was one of the happiest moments for me. Unfortunately it was short lived. I moved within a year to Brownsville, Texas with my mom and dad. I managed to only make one friend. Andres, he was my neighbor. Something was off about him. I always knew. He was always out of his house. He always seemed angry or bent on destroying things. One time stoned his little brother just for fun. He pressured me into helping him do it. I still remember his little brother crying. But that was the only friend I had. I remember having lots of toys that my dad would get me. But I was still bored. I had no one to play with. When I first heard that some kids had imaginary friends, I became quite upset and jealous. I had envy of those who could imagine a companion. I had no such luck. But we were only there for about a year and a half anyway. I then moved to Green Lake, Wisconsin. I loved it there. People may not have necessarily liked me, but everyone talked to me. I was foreign. I was different. Most people had never met a Mexican before. But I quickly made friends with one person. A girl. We had the best times. Me, her, and her cousin. That was the first time I had ever spent the night over at a friend's house. I thought we would be friends forever. I moved a year after that. It was now, fourth grade and I had managed to feel relatively friendless for most of my life. By the time I'd manage to make friends, I had already started to leave. I only stayed in Minnesotta for one semester, though. But I still managed to make some really good friends. People I'll never see again. My parents had gotten a divorce. My mom decided to move back to Wisconsin, but in a different town. Terry was the friend I made there. Alot of people made fun of him, for whatever reason. I think I was his only friend at the time. I often figured that was why he was such a jerk to me at times. I figured that's why he made fun of me. I have never fought in my life. He was the only person that I ever came close to fighting. He had said something or done something that hurt me. I finally stood up for myself, and he asked if I wanted to fight. My fists clenched. My body temperature rose. Tears swelled up in my eyes. And I decided against it. I didn't want to lose him as a friend. He laughed. "That's what I thought." he said. I cried when I got home that day. I didn't understand. That was fifth grade. When we all transitioned to middle school, I lost any semblence of friends. All the guys began to become guys. They did their sports thing, which never really interested me. Their competitive edge agitated me. Girls became girls, and began to whisper to one another as guys would walk by. They'd giggle at things no one knew about and did all the things pre-pubecent girls do. I fit into neither one of these groups. So, I became the loner. I didn't mind, though. I felt like I was finally getting some general perspective of what it was like to have a "home". I loved it there. Even if I was alone. But my mom gave me some disturbing news. We were moving down to Texas in December. I didn't understand. She said that my cousins where there and that everything would just be better. I fought against it, but there wasn't much more I could do. After that first half of six grade, I moved down to Fort Worth, Texas, the land of misery. I hated it here. Everything was so much bigger and uglier. There were so called "Mexicans", which often made me feel upset about what kind of examples they were giving Americans that true Mexicans were. There were no trees ANYWHERE. It didn't feel like it to me, anyway. There was no fresh air. Dust and dirt seemed to be what grass really was. There was also division. I had never seen this kind of division. People would stay near their "own kind" and never get involved in what was going on with others. Everyone seemed so much more selfish, too. No one cared. Everyone was rude. When I went to school I was stunned. Kids would talk back to their teachers. Kids would do drugs. Kids would drink. Kids would have sex. It was as if I had stumbled into Babylon. There were bomb threats at my school. It would have been frightening had I cared. I was upset. I didn't want to be there. My cousins were the brattiest children ever. Everything was just WRONG. I got tired of people thinking was the nice kid, the goofy kid and I figured I'd probably move again within another year, so why not do something different? Something new. So, I pretended I was a jerk, a bully. I'd make mean jokes about everyone, to their face. I'd push people around, trip them, you name it. And what was weird... People liked it. No. People loved it. I had never had so many guys try to be my friend. I had never had so much respect. But it was all still relatively fake in the end. I still came home to an empty apartment. My mom worked alot. She always had ever since the divorce. But right before my sixth grade year was over, I picked on someone different. His name was Chris. I had managed to pick on him like there was no tomorrow... but he would still talk to me. Really talk. He would still hang out with me. I met his twin and his sister later on. And I hit it off with them, too. I was still a jerk for whatever reason, though. I even began to pick on his twin as well. I guess I figured I'd honestly never see them again. But life is funny like that. It turned out that they lived in the same apartment complex. I stopped picking on them and we became friends. Later on, Mandy, the sister, would tell me that she really didn't like me because I picked on her brothers, but that she still couldn't help but laugh at how I picked on them. But they moved right at the beginning of seventh grade. They moved to a different part of town and a new school. However, things still changed. We kept up the friendship. They would become the first true close friends I had ever had. For years. Well, mostly... But that's another story. When they moved, people had noticed I'd lost my mean streak, but they didn't pick on me or do the things alot of the other kids had done in some of my previous schools, not really, anyways. And I began to make friends. Lots of them. It seemed to be the oddest thing. But I loved it. I had never had this many friends. Or even thought I could. They were from all different groups and cliques. And I loved them all and they all loved me. I was free. I was happy. I finally had what I seemed to have longed for all my life. But along with those friends came a few that changed my life. There was this girl and her friend. They became close to me. They shared some secrets and I shared all of mine. They told all their friends, to where everyone knew. They would laugh at me regularly. They began to hit me. And I let them. I let them do everything, because they were my FRIENDS. One day I snapped and asked her why she treated me that way. She told me it was because I let her. She said that I was the one at fault. She said I need to stand up for myself. She told me that I needed to get rid of these fancy notions of being a gentleman or being noble. She said that if a girl hits you, it's okay to hit back. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to agree. But time has a way of changing things... By the end of my eighth grade I had quite a few close friends. People I loved. People who seemed to need me. I had stopped being friends with that girl and her friend, though. They had caused me lots of pain. They used me in so many ways, I've lost track. But I was glad, because high school was coming up. The time to grow and trully become who you were meant to become, with your friends at your side. I had finally put down some roots here, too. I had never been in a place that long. Almost three years. I went to go visit my dad that summer. While I was there my mom let me know that we were moving to a house. A house in a different area of Fort Worth. Not to far, but far enough to where I was going to a different high school. When I came back to Fort Worth, my mom had already moved us in. I was upset. Shocked. I couldn't believe my mom would do that. Out of everyone, she should have been the one to understand. I begged and pleaded for what seemed like forever, to go to the high school I intended on going to. She said that if I was so intent on going there that I would have to go sign myself up. That I would have to walk to that school and walk back. I couldn't believe she was telling me this. Not my mom. Not her. So, I gave in. Not because of any other reason other than because of how much I loved my mom. My whole freshman year is a blur. I became a recluse. I wanted nothing to do with anyone. I hated the kids there. They all seemed so happy and content. It was like going to some private school. There didn't seem to be much diversity either. It disturbed me. During that year I lost alot of the friends that I had made in middle school. It's just what happens. And I knew it would. You can't go to different high schools and expect to keep track of ALL your friends. And if you don't grow together, there's always a big chance of growing apart. So, I became bitter and upset. The only friends I still had were the twins and their older sister. But they didn't attend my school and didn't live near me. It wasn't until my sophomore that I decided to make friends again. Some stuff had gone on during the summer before and I was looking for ANYTHING to take me away from that. And I found something. Theatre. I'd love to say that I made all these friends there that have been my friends all the way until now, but unfortunately, that's began to change too. And I hate life for it. And I hate myself for it. And I hate them for it. I had began to return to my old self. My old goofy, nice self. And some people loved me for it.

But now I'm here. In a completely different place. All of this doesn't just seem like a long time ago. It seems like a whole lifetime ago. And I mean that in the most literal sense. I don't feel that was my life. I'm not that same person anymore. There still parts of me, but I'm not the same. At all.

I feel as if I've far outgrown all my friends and nearly just about anyone my age. I relate far more to people near their thirties than people in their early twenties. And it sucks. But it's just how it is.

Through what I've gone through I've learned alot and changed alot. I no longer concern myself with things like fun, experiencing life, or even friends. I love all of these things for they are wonderful pleasures of life, but they aren't my concern. Not my main concern.

My mom is dying.

That isn't a WILL die, that's not a MAY die. That is, she is currently dying. Slowly. Ever so slowly. But she has been. I'm the only one that ever really sees it, but I've seen it since day one. I feel that I know my mother the way ALOT of other people may not. Sometimes I feel I know her better than her own family knows her. She's changed, too, you see. She's gone through alot, herself.
But I'm the only here. I've BEEN the only one here. It's on my shoulders more than on anyone else's, including my fathers.
And sometimes I think no one gets that...

So, if I had to decide between making my mom more comfortable and relaxed or me going out and having fun, my mom comes first.


Apart from this, I'm a youth leader.

I am NOT a clergy men. I'm NOT a baby sitter. I am some of these kid's only hope. I am the only they have to come to sometimes. They call me for help with some of the most insane and difficult problems sometimes. And just me. Often they swear me to secrecy. There is no one else for them to go to.
I'm also the only one who organizes anything. No one else in the church does ANYTHING for these kids. No one else. So, I do EVERYTHING. Often from my own pocket. But I don't care, because I love these kids way too much.

Apart from all of this I HAVE TO keep my life on track.

I have to go to college. For me. For my mom. For my youth. I have to work. I have to do everything else a normal twenty year old does. And manage to balance them all.

I've often wished that I could just drop it all. All of it. My mom, my youth, my life. Just run away. Because it's so much. So fucking much. I've wanted to have that normal life. I've wanted to have a moment to relax. Moments to go have fun. Moments to NOT be thinking about all I need to do. I've wanted to just be FREE.

But I'm not. And I don't honestly want to be.

Because I see the need.

Not only in those around me, but EVERYWHERE.

So, if I have to sacrifice myself, I will. And I'll love every minute of it, despite all the pain and heartache.






So, when those who call me "friend" begin to question me. Begin to insult me. Even begin to demand for what they feel is justly theirs. I WILL be upset. I DO get upset. And I feel no need to explain myself. I feel no need to argue. I feel no need to do anything other than what I NEED to do.

I don't have the luxury of being "free".

I've never asked for anything more than understanding.

I love them. Desperately. All of them. This isn't about just one person.

But the truth is I have some serious business to attend and the free time that I DO have I want to spend relaxing with friends. Friends who are attached by affection and esteem each other for what they do. Friends who aren't hostile.







P.S. If you honestly still knew me, you would know how I'm no where near a Hufflepuff, apart from many other things that you still don't seem to either believe, accept, or want to understand about me.

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These past couple of days I have started to notice couples.
The way they hold hands. The way they look into each other's eyes.
How they kiss. How they hold each other.

Corrie. She means so much to me. In such a small amount of time. And she's leaving. A couple more weeks then she's gone. She'll be back for one week in October. After that I won't see her again for another 2 to 3 years. She will be in central asia with Journey Men, the christian missionaries equivilant to the Peace Corps. After that she may return to "the States". Where exactly? Who knows. But she will only and simply return to get her masters so she may return to her missionary work around the world.
And I think I love her.

And I wish I could have that. I wish I could be like those other couples.
Those other people.

This morning I woke up and immediately my mom already had a list of things for me to do. She needed me to sort my stuff for the garage sale she wants to have, along with cleaning and the typical stuff around the house.

I again wished that I could just sleep in like typical twenty year olds after a long night of partying, with no one to dictate what they could or could not do and at what times.

I worked for the first half of the day, until I received a text from someone from church. There was a bible study tonight. I asked my mom and she said that that was okay. She seemed to barely be able to agree with me. I called my friend Helena to see if she had received the same text and she had. She informed me that she was going. This made me feel a smidge better. A semi social life. Yeay.

Not long after, one of my youth called me.
She's getting kicked out her house. Her stepmom started talking crap about her. My youth ignored her and kept cleaning the house as she had been asked. The stepmom followed her around and began to talk crap about her brother, who is currently in Iraq, and how he can't protect her anymore. She kept trying to ignore her. Then the step-mom started talking crap about her mom. Her deceased mom. She snapped and talked back then went to her bedroom and locked herself in there. The stepmom called the dad to inform him that she was kicking her out. The dad didn't say anything. She was packing her bags when she called me. She was going to her aunts house. For now, anyways. She doesn't know what's going to happen to her.
She's fifteen.

After talking to her for a while, I hung up and got ready while Helenawaited in the den, reading the last Harry Potter book that she's been DYING to finish. She had arrived at the end of the conversation I had just had with my youth.

We then left to the bible study in her car, since it was raining and one of my head lights doesn't work, thanks to some mechanic who "fixed" it during my inspection.
During the bible study we discussed children. Everything from how we must be like one to enter the kingdom of God to how it was possible for so many children to go abused in this world. Everyone seemed really touched by it. I wasn't. I was more than used to this topic being a reality and not some discussion. The whole bible study group seemed more than interested in volunteering in helping out kids in need of help. They all wanted to join this place that puts volunteers in places that need people.

The irony struck me as a tasteless joke.

The kids right under their noses are apparently not abused enough.

Afterwards, me and Helena went to a movie. Why not? Something semi normal. I may not get to go and hang out like everyone else but I could fit in a movie. So what if it starts at almost 11pm? I'm a grown man, right?
We saw Chuck & Larry. A decent movie.
My mom called me during the movie. Twice. And left two voicemails.
'Again?! Why does she always have to be calling me?' I thought.
'I'll hear the voicemails when I get out from the movie...'

Once the movie ended I whipped out my cell phone and began to listen to voicemails. Probably just my mom being my mom and complaining about me being out late.

I heard her voice. It sounded desperate and like she was crying. She was wondering where I was. She said that she was having this pain in chest. She said to hurry up and get home and to check on her when I did. The second voicemail sounded the same. She said she wanted me there to help her, to get her some medicine. My walk to the car became nearly a sprint. I called home. She picked up. Thank God. She sounded better. I asked her what happened?, what's wrong?, does she feel better?, what is she doing? She said she was better. She said that she just let it pass, but the pain reminded her of the pain she had when she had a coagulation in her lungs a while back. Asked her if she still needed medicine. She said not anymore. Asked her if she was going to the doctor. She said her next appointment was Wednesday. Wednesday!? Tomorrow (today) is Tuesday... That's another extra day! Asked her if she was sure she wanted to wait till then. She said yeah. I told her I loved her and that I would be home in a couple minutes. We hung up.




This is why.
This is why I don't have nor will I have the leisure of being like everyone else. I'll never be able to just hang out with my buddies and kick it back. I'll never be able to live the big life and roll in the dough. I can't be free-spirited and "live life to it's full potential". I can't. I won't. There's other bigger things. People with REAL needs. People who are ignored. People who need someone. People who need ME.

So, I don't know necessarily know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
All I know is that I prefer to live my life selflessly.

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A year completed.

That's what it seems like. An end to an era.
What's next? One can only guess...

I've completed most of what I've wanted to do with great satisfaction:

1. I have spent more time with my mom. Arguments included. She's even starting to see the adult that I've become, despite her distaste for it.

2. I have regained footing in my priorities. In specific educationally.

3. I have ditched unnecessary baggage. Tons and tons of it. With a lil' help here and there from some wonderful people.

4. I have seen that I trully CAN fall in love again, despite it's deligence in alluding me.

5. I have done as much as I possibly can for my youth. And THEN some.


So, everything looks to be in an upswing.



But despite this, I know ache for someone.
Physically ACHE.

This person is loving, brave, incredibly close to God, slow to anger, responsible, wise, with high morals, good looking, and a few more wonderful traits. Basically everything that I would describe as near perfection.
I want this person. Like nothing else. And I want everyone to recognize this person. Well... at least everyone close to me. Why? Because I want to be this person. The person I ache for is me. My future self. I desperately crave to be a better person. And I face and will face many challenges in this, but hopefully I'll reach that place someday.

'Till then, I have some unfinished business to do. Starting with a church.

John 15:12-13

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