As I sit here; fixing to be late to school I wonder what Maria is thinking; how she is feeling. About us; and everything in between. I hope today is moved in God's will. Well; I dont have much time; so with that.

==c==u==t===x===<>

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Well...I talked with one of the youth leaders today at my church; and well really made me think. I love Maria; about as much as I know how to; and I still feel that its inadeqaute. One of the hardest things right now I know I have to do is this. I have to give this all up to God. If it ends; then its in God's will. I don't what that; but how can a slave question the will of its master? I want to be with Maria for as long as it would last. I hope she didnt take my comment as trying to point out her secret. I would never do that; it's just I'am rather quite insecure. Honestly; if I didnt know; I would of acted the same way. Anyway; Maria; once more please forgive me for this. Friday; when you looked at me; it was if you had pulled the trigger of a double barrel shotgun with it against my chest. Well...I'am going to go now..I'am all teary eyed and nervous.
Goodnight; Godbless.
Cut_x

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It seems that regardless; hopefully things wont get worse between me and Maria; my heartaches from the lack of affection from her; and my soul cries from the lack of compaionship. I feel like pure out crap. I feel desolate...and alone.
Cut_x

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Tonight feels like its going to last forever...I still feel bad. It seems like everytime Maria looks at me..shes stabbing me in the heart or so I feel. I hate this; I feel like nothing; which I'am. Eh...Please God help me...
cut_x

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Hold her in your right hand.
And guide her safely home.
Brush away all the thorns and all the stones.
You're my angel without wings.
When I was crying you never left my side.
When I was dying you never left my side.
You're always there for me.
You're my angel without wings.
Your were always without wings.
Without wings.

Zao-“Angel Without Wings”-“Parade Of Chaos”

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Botchla

But I adore her
this will never happen
but I adore HER
this will NEVER happen
over my DEAD body
of course I think ABOUT it
burn my path if it does
shape my body as I feel torn
shape my body as I FEEL
torn BROKEN
and if it happens
I'll BURN and crawl deeper in my hole
darkness ALWAYS says hello
and your BURNING BODY will light my way
burning body LIGHT MY WAY

Posion The Well "Tear From The Red"

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