i really wanted to see my chemical romance.... 8 different ways and none of them happened. oh well.... i wanted a yay finals are over so lets celebrate and start the summer out with one fuck of a bang! but...yeah..... oh well.

honestly im really disappointed.

but its okay... ff with mazur and possibly loyas and then paulson with teresa... then either rbf & c22 with eric or the vines with mazur.... then hopefully the warped tour........ its all good. or it will be.

mcr i luv you still....:sniff: cd release party in my heart! (heh...)

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who am i turning into?

like song lyrics brought to life...

"things i said id never do ive done/those i said id never be ive become"

have i? i'm still the same old me but.... something day to day is dying and something day to day is growing. am i replacing the old for something better? or is it a decline im powerless to stop? wish someone would..... oh, i dont know.....

falling forward and looking up........

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im so tired.
what do i do about all this?
all you put me through?
ddont you know i go through hell for you?

feel like youre all just throwing me back and forth
and all i want, is just the same old thing
it's wearing me thin and hollowing me out

what will be left when you finally notice me?

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Remember where, remember when, remember when we were all so beautiful?
(Never Again, Never Again)
But since then we've lost our glow.


can i be the figure on the bed,
the girl on the wall always waiting for you,
always smiling?

...but dont live your life by lyrics......!
just be inspired by them......

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looking for the boy who destroyed the world............

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listening to: "i can tell" - saosin
mood: numbly confused and lost in some sedated state that i cant remember how i got in....
quote: "Mayhem at a punk show is like... peas and carrots!" -Mike, SLC Punk

weird mood today.... lots of thoughts swirling around in my silly little head.... something i have to do tomorrow that is bothering me and i'm not altogether sure i should but at the same time i know i absolutely have to..... feel guilty but obliged because.... ugh... if something were to happen and i hadnt said anything... errrr.... i dont know. i need some advice on the matter i guess....

uhhh... i just got so fucking pissed off watching the news... bush equating this whole thing with d-day and ww2. then aparently there is this new bill, or new something, that prevents armed service men and women from leaving the service after their assignment is done. they said this could be in effect for at least THREE years! they cant leave even if they want to! Is that democracy? I didnt vote to have that come into effect. i dont know of anyone who did. so these men and women who have fought for this cause, though full of lies and devious agendas, they fought for their country out of loyalty whether they believed in the war or not. and now, now that they have put their lives on the line, they are not ALLOWED to go back to their families? FORCED to stay, go back out into combat unwillingly to be killed or captured by anti-US factions? it makes me sick... and then there were these two men held captive BECAUSE of the united states... but one was egyptian and i believe the other was turkish. citizens of countless other countries being captured, abused, killed, all for us? and how can i even say "us"? i dont want this war. i know so many people who dont. no, theyre being killed for bush. why did we REALLY go into this war? AHHH> i mean come on, the guy choked on a pretzel. alright, that was to just lighten the mood... gah... so frustrated! i really wish i had a punching bag i am so aggrivated right now..... ugh..and im so angry that i cant even vote in the next election by a couple of months... maybe ill work at the voting registration thing or the polls or i dont know... i hafta do something. cant stand this hypocisy and longer... i mean... ok at least we are allowed to have these views in other countries. but though anti-bush articles may be published, and though there can be anti-war websites, and there can be cds like "Rock Against Bush," there are still limitations. im grateful we have what we do, thats why i suppose america is a good place to be (though i see canada and australia as perfectly appealing....) . but there were death-threats to retailers selling the rock against bush cd and certain chains had to pull the cd from outlets near amry bases. hot topic apparently wouldnt even sell it because they said it was "too controversial." i dont know if theyve changed their stand on it yet, but i find that ridiculous. hot topic. cd too controversial? please. bush in the presidency is controversial. a cd expressing the concerns of a large group of people in the country? free speech....

oh man.... okay. ...

besides that the day was fairly uneventful. i mean in things that actually happened to me, in my sad little life. i'm still not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing... nothing means nothing terrible happened but it also means staying in this stagnant, suffocating state... nothing changing, no ripples breaking the glass surface of the water. its like im trapped here, the air im breathing getting stale and no longer containing enough oxygen for me to think... slowly going numb, slowly blacking out.... im waiting and waiting for something to happen.... anything... if only to light up my eyes.........

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