Self made superstitions
I have a friend who lives in another country. His grandfather passed and it brought me the unpleasant nostalgic sensation of the passing of my grandmother two years ago. Funny how we never really get over it. The thing that striked me most was that he was relating how his other grandfather died 6 yrs ago. Where he is, in 6th grade u graduate then you graduate again out of highschool in 12th grade. This is his senior year.. It just made me think about how I had some sort of superstition that bad things happen near my bday. Winter2003 three days before my bday my grandmother passed. Winter 2004 a day after my aunt passed. If something happens this year I will be devastated. I will not know what to believe..

Hustler for a positive cause?
My guyfriend is not wealthy. His family isn't doing that great financially.. he's been stealing shit to sell for some extra cash. For lunch money and to treat his little brother to things. He doesn't want his little brother to know the family is losing money. I don't understand how misfortune picks people. I fear for him because we've had a few friends get caught for shoplifting and stuff.. iunno. I don't approve but I guess he doesn't really have a choice since gas prices are getting high and he doesn't really have a ride for a job. I mean i have a couple of friends in this situation but this is different. Not because he's my exboyfriend but because he's a nice guy. I just see him changing for the worse.. I see it in his actions, his expressions, his typing. I know him that well.

Today walking to my locker after school I saw this little asian baby boy with this really round head. He almost looked animated because in some way he was a perfect. He was a perfect, healthy, joyful, fearless and flawless child. He wobbled out of the hallway almost like he was flying and he screeched with laughter ringing with delight for seeing so many people. For some reason seeing this small boy ignorant of the sullen expressions of those teenagers in the hall(which one day he will become one of them) with eyes filled with amusement for everything around him brought me out of my gray day. I forgot it was as ordinary day and saw how the day as an adventure. For a moment I forgot about everything I knew. Everything I've learned from growing up. I forgot about everything bad about my day and bad about the world. For I saw life in his eyes.

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This weekend gas prices will be up to $5 bucks where I am. People are complaining sayin they might never drive again and complaining about all this other junk. But they don't count their blessings. They weren't a direct victim of Katrina. They didn't lose everything they own and they did not lose a loved one. They didn't have to experience the unsanitary and terrifying conditions of the aftermath of Katrina.

Just hearing about it is horrifying. To hear that whole cities are underwater. Imagine that corpses are floating in the contaminated water and you're stuck in your roof and completely surrounded by water. You're dehydrated but the water is probably filled with disease. Imagine being a mother and you don't know where your husband is and you have a 3 month old baby and you have no diapers left. Or what if you aren't even in those areas but you have family missing.

You hear about those civilizations disappearing under water. Or buried under volcanoes. And here nature strikes again washing away highrise buildings. The casino infront of the hotel I stayed at in Biloxi has been washed down a few blocks. And this is like a huge arena. The slot machines are floating and people are going to get some loot. It's all chaotic but they have to survive. They need to get food for their family. Some people have nothing left. "The rich won't be affected but the poor will be hit hard." My dad said over dinner. Why? Why is that?

This isn't the first time we've seen corpses in water.. I remember the tsunami tragedy. I guess so many people are affected by Katrina because it's closer to home and for me, I've been to some of the places Katrina has destroyed. Some places really have become rare opportunities to visit in our lifetime. Just goes to show bigger things are going on in the world than badquizgrades, ruined shoes, and bad hair days. Death can be more powerful than life at times because it's when life is put to a full stop.

This will take decades to fix.. this will definitely go down in history books. I hate feeling helpless and being so comfortable with my showers and my clothes and my material things and the happiness that fills my home. I really took these simple pleasures for granted. I will be praying for those families tonight...

Something I found:

Happiness
by Priscilla Leonard

Happiness is like a crystal,
Fair and exquisite and clear,
Broken in a million pieces,
Shattered, scattered far and near.
Now and then along life's pathway,
Lo! some shining fragments fall;
But there are so many pieces
No one ever finds them all.

You may find a bit of beauty,
Or an honest share of wealth,
While another just beside you
Gathers honor, love or health.
Vain to choose or grasp unduly,
Broken is the perfect ball;
And there are so many pieces
No one ever finds them all.

Yet the wise as on they journey
Treasure every fragment clear,
Fit them as they may together,
Imaging the shattered sphere,
Learning ever to be thankful,
Though their share of it is small;
For it has so many pieces
No one ever finds them all.

And I don't know if any of chaul are rock fans but this is a little song called Rest in Pieces by Saliva. About a guy who is in pain over a girl and wants to get over her so bad but he is so drawn to her and the moments they shared. This might not exactly relate to any of your problems that you guys might have but nevertheless it is a good song. Enjoy :)

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I realized driving home last night
Everything I've been wrong about.
I thought people only judged on what they heard or saw
I felt that believing what other people told them was naive
But in fact I had been the naiive one despite what I thought all this time.
because I knew they didn't know you like I did
In a way I think they were right though I'm still uncertain why

I am that type of friend that would be there as long as you need me.
I'll be strong for you and I'll give you advice and comfort when things aren't right
But that's not the friendship I needed.
I needed someone to be there for me too.
I disagreed with things you did but maybe I was too supportive
to where you felt you could do anything
I didn't mean to let you get this free..
I meant to be your anchor.
But you were too untamed and too thirsty for the fast life
I couldn't save you and I don't think I will ever be able to.

And you know, it's not the same
It hasn't been for a while.
I don't know if I've changed in the last 2-3 years and how
but I've seen what change has done to you
I see I've been blind since the first time I saw you
and ever since I've been blinded by wanting to keep our friendship alive
because my old friendships have been dying out
But it's really not worth it right?
This life you've made and created and designed for yourself, is it worth it?
Do you know you've been stretching your friendships so they've been dropping?
I don't know if I'm being disloyal or sensible
But I'm about to drop out too.

There are more simple yet still fun people out there.
They've got drama but more normal drama
Most don't know you but the ones that do have heard things about you
To be honest, they don't think highly of you.
As a reflex I stand up for you when they're wrong about you
For some reason feel guilty when they talk about you.. but the thing is:
They only speak of rumors that I know are truths.
That you dropped out of school
That you're a druggie
and how you seem to always find trouble

Still in my mind I tell myself: they don't know you like I know you.
But now I can't reassure myself with that line anymore.
They might know of you now but not how you were in the past
The past- how you used to be is what's keeping me from realizing I've been naive
To me you have good morals and been goodnatured
Like that time when you saved that girl from suicide
Remember you called that night and told me what happened?
You said people were talking shit
and said you saved her because you needed her for rides
And I felt proud of you because I knew you were good but they didn't know.

I'm not saying you've never been there for me.
I never really gave you a chance to prove yourself.
Remember that guy who was saying all those mean things to me?
I didn't tell you but you found out
You were mad because someone disrespected me
I know of some guys who once said they'd fight for me
but for some reason I only trusted that you would fight for me
and knowing you were by my side brought comfort to my sleep.
And everytime I think about it, it makes me feel right:
That they don't know you like I do.

Part of me reasons that I've always been
one of those phone buddies that you confided in like a diary
But what I do know is that there won't anyone else
that I can call at 3am when I need someone to talk to
And I guess that I'll only always be that phone buddy
So if that's all we're ever destined to be.. I think it's time to leave it behind

There are other people who I've been thinking I'd let deeper into my life
might be a better choice for my sanity
I could probably see them more often
maybe i'll have more in common with them
I don't know.. there's a chance they won't be as loyal and true as you
and that I wont have their friendship as long as I have had yours..
Thinking about the future is kind of scary when nothing is for sure
But i know that they will never think of you or know you like I do.

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My friend's parents are getting a divorce and it's been especially hard on him. His little brother doesn't know much so he doesn't care as much. His parents use him as the middle man and he juggles this family dilema with school. It's not fair for him.. His mom had surgery to remove her appendix 3 weeks ago. The wound still hasn't healed because she works and she is stressed from trying to be that great wife so her husband won't leave her. He feels helpless and he wants to become stronger and bolder to be able to say some stuff to his dad but that's not in his gentle nature. He thinks maybe his dad is having some midlife crisis. I prefer how he is but I understand that if he doesn't find that courage to try to stand up and talk to his dad about the divorce, he'll regret it.

him: my mom told me a touching tidbit
him: when i was giving birth to you and being operated on, he was there right next to me
ves rmx: aww
him: when i was giving birth to ur bro and being operated on, he was there right next to me
him: when i was getting operated on this time, he wasn't there
him: he didn't even call
ves rmx: omg ur poor mom
him: exactly why
him i want to smack my dad and punch him


Could you blame him?

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