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Confused
Saturday. 4.3.04 1:51 am

My heart is in a state of confusion
Wondering if I should follow my intuition
Im waiting or that crystal clear sign
That light will soon again shine
God please show me the right direction
The path that will lead to your intention



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Tamia-Smile
Saturday. 2.28.04 7:38 pm


Sometimes I sit at home and wonder how it'd be
If he had loved me
Truly loved me yes
I learned a while ago that kind of thing
Never happens for me
And so I go around
And just pretend
Loving life for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won't see
That you never let them see you sweat
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

Sing it la la la la

Sometimes I sit at home
By the phone hoping he might call me
But he don't call me
But then I realize
Dreams come true aren't for girls like me
Not like me
And so I go around with my head up
Like it ain't no thing
And when the boys around with all my friends
I’m into other things
Because you never let them see you sweat
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile

On my face
On my face

It’s not an easy (thing)
Sometimes it’s hard to (face the truth)
It’s not the life that I would choose (that I would choose)
But what else can I do?
If he don’t love me
If he don’t want me
I’m not about to sit around
Let myself go

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile

On my face
On my face

Sing it la la la la

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*Sigh*
Wednesday. 2.18.04 7:47 pm
OgLiTtErMe: he controls ur emotions
My lil sister is wise beyond her years. LoL I've done well.

Its just very strange is all. I still don't understand. Maybe I'm just not meant to understand. Maybe I'm just suppose to go along with it, and one day I'll begin to see it clearly. Everything happens for a reason right? Well I'll just wait and see what that reason is.

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Pride
Friday. 2.6.04 8:16 pm
Damn the pride. Can't I just let go of the pride???

Anyways...picatatures!




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Flashback
Monday. 1.5.04 12:00 am
*breathe in...breathe out* New year! WoW 2003 went by REAL fast. *tear tear* It just came and left like that! *snap* I can remember last new years like it was yesterday *flasback* Yeah last year I was sick on new years eve. HaHaHa Almost didn't watch the ball drop cuz I was soo nausiated. We watched XXX...with Vin Diesel...lol not no porno thing herre ppl. Get yo heads outta the gutter! LoL And then I drank all this apple cider...and it only made me sick even more hehehe. Thats soo odd...how I can remember what I did a year ago..but I can't remember what I did last week.

Anyways...yeah so Im recapping the year...bcuz last year was just whoa! 2003 was a really rocky road. I just don't know how to explain last year. There were many ups and downs! The downs...really stuck with me. Which can be a good and bad thing at the same time. Every two or three months I would go through a break down. Depression was kinda bad...HeHeHe...damn the tears! LoL I swear I've cried all 7 seas this year! Is that normal??? HaHaHa I had fun too tho. I remember goin to Daniellez house I think on Jan 17 (kerazy how I remember dates), Stephy was there too. We went to the gym. And I tried to get a Red Bull from the stupid vending machine..and I chose B cuz Stephy got A and then the friggin vending machine got stuck! And everyone was all laughing...*tear tear* And on March 10...Daniellez b-day we went to Chuck E. Cheese! Asian Olympics was good too. HaHaHa...slide...and chicken...rave rave...circle cirlce...choo choo! Omg that was hilarious! May 10 was Nanay's and Tatay's 50th wedding anniv. and after that we went to Gigi's house...cuz it was KC's bday. June...was drama...LoL...July...drama still...lol started to paint the house on my vacay. And then Jonathan came over and dropped off some boba. AwWw Thankies Jonathan. The 22nd Stephy and Angelz came over...and we had like group therapy mayen! Much fun much fun. So then August...UmMm Summer school...went to Chuck E. Cheese for Kim's b-day. That was fun! HaHaHa Friggin got kicked outta Chuck E. Cheese...first time I ever get kicked outta anywhere..and its a lil kid place. What is that?! LoL AND CAMPING!!! HaHaHa Friggin Criminals! September...started school...bday kinda sucked...haha but it coulda been worse! But I got BANANA CREAM PIE!!! WooWoo So that made my day! *tear tear* Im still craving that ish. October...it started out good...then drama agn...ok so drama throughout December. HaHaHa WoW nice recap!!! HaHaHa I tried to mention the happy momments...LoL I know I missed ALOT of happy momments...but cmon now! Who the heck would be reading all of this anyways!?!? If your still reading..gosh u must be bored. LoL

2003...is a year to remember...It was an extremely difficult year for me...but I got through it. I've learned SO much...and changed SO much. Each person I consider..or have considered a friend has taught me something. And for those ppl I am VERY grateful...especially to those who have taught me more about myself and about life. So many ppl have entered my life...and not all have remained. But I am so happy that I can say that I don't hate any of them or look at any of those ppl in a bad light. Every single one of those ppl may not be in my life anymore but I will always remember them. *tear tear* (I sound like a frickin movie!) AwWwW I still love you guys...HaHaHa So anytime yall need to talk...I'm herre! Im just sooo amazed at how much I learned and how my life will never be the same. I don't live in a lil protective bubble anymore...not wanting to face reality. THANK YOU to the ppl that have helped me face the real world.

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"Love"
Wednesday. 12.31.03 12:15 am
The other day Daniellez, Stephy, and I were talking about love. *shivers* We just seem to disargee about what love is. Well Daniela and I agree at least. Miss Stephy T. believes love is perfect. Daniela and I say love isn't perfect. After much arguing...I came to the conclusion that love is perceived differently by everyone. No one can exactly say what love is and isn't. Its just one of those things you can't describe or put into words. Yes, Stephy I agree with you that love is more than just an emotion, it's everything. But to say love is perfect, and to say love is imperfect...that's just not our call to make.

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