I hate my job. I need to leave but I can't. Well I can but not at this present time. I want another job guarenteed before I quit my current one. I had to manage today. And it was fucking busy. Busier than the last few Fridays. Anywho I had a new kitchen person today so I was trying to train him as well as get my shit done for the day. Joey was driver today so that right there meant that there were going to be a lot of deliveries. And of course it never fails. He was out most of the day on deliveries. So that pretty much left me and Tori to ourselves. So the day went on and in the middle of the afternoon Chris had to leave for some stupid reason involving his wife. I thought I would be fine doing the rest of the prep by myself cuz there wasn't that much left. But then we got busy again and I wasn't able to get it done. So then when Joe got there all the pizza toppings that had been prepped earlier were all used up and he got really pissed about it. So thats when the yelling started. Then something was wrong with the fountain and it was flooding. So that got Joey yelling at me. And then I got blamed for shit that wasn't my fault and that I had nothing to do with. So whatever. Fuck this job, fuck Joey and just fuck everything. Alright I don't know what else to say so I'll write later.

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I really don't have any idea how I feel. Today I wasn't very happy. I slept well and I didn't have to work today, but I still felt blah. I kinda wish I knew what was wrong with me. But if finding out means going to the doctor, then I'd rather not know. I just don't want to be depressed. Maybe its something that is beyond my control. Maybe its something that I know about and its right in front of my face, but I'm just not paying attention enough to see what it is. I was thinking about someone who I haven't thought about in a while. It was in a dream. I've been able to keep him out of my dreams and I've been fine with that. But last night, he crept in. Maybe that's why I wasn't myself today. I dunno. I wish I could just keep him out of my thoughts. I don't want to erase him from my memory cuz I had a great time with him when I was with him. I just don't want him in my present. I don't want him in my thoughts. He's not in my life; I was able to take care of that with no problem. And in the last few months maybe a little less, I've been able to keep him out of my thoughts altogether. Until last night. I had a really weird dream about him. That I met up with him somewhere, although I don't remember where. I met up with him and he was trapped. He needed help and no one was able to help him. I was the only one who could and since he didn't deserve to die I saved him. So because of that, I guess, he thought he could get back with me. He kept making moves only they weren't like strong. They weren't forceful. They were simple and only noticable by a few who knew what they were looking at. And I was trying not to give in to them. I did at one point so we kissed. As we were making out I couldn't keep going. I had to push him away. That night he didn't have anywhere to stay so he stayed with me. As I was laying down I saw him just laying there, and I kinda felt guilty. But not guilty enough to give in. And then I woke up. I want to know why he found his way into my dream. But I guess I'll never know will I. Alright I'm done for tonight. I'll write again later.

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Erin left for Cali yesterday and for some reason the mood was completely different. Everyone seemed to be happy that she was gone. Now she's only going to be gone for 11 days, but that's 11 days of relaxing without her there. I had to manage today. And even though we were busy everything went about as smoothly as it could go. There were only a few mistakes, no complaints and all the shit was done before the night crew got there. I'm glad that it went okay today. I was in the right frame of mind to manage today and I guess it payed off. I don't have to work tomorrow, and I'm glad. However I do have to work this Saturday cuz I'm helping train a new manager. I'm basically gonna be there to just supervise and make sure he does his shit. I'm hopefully gonna be leaving early as long as Joey gets there on time. I doubt that'll be the case though. Alright I don't really have anything to say so I'll write later.

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I've been really tired lately. I really don't know why. I'm having trouble sleeping and there's really nothing going on that would cause it. I was really tired at work yesterday, the day before and today. I'm most likely gonna be tired again tomorrow too. Maybe after I get off I'll come home and nap for a couple hours. I'm only supposed to be working till 2:30-ish tomorrow since I wasn't even supposed to be scheduled. But since Gary's an idiot, I have to work. I'm opening tomorrow cuz Joey is opening manager and that's the unspoken agreement that we have. That's why I get to leave as early as I am. I have off on Saturday and my schedule next week is basically normal. Erin is going on vacation for two weeks, Amber is moving in a week, Lance is going back to school and the other girls that are still in high school are gonna be going back in a couple weeks. So I have no clue how the schedule is gonna work then. As long as I get my hours and my schedule doesn't change a whole lot then I'll be fine. Anywho, I seem to be going through another bout of depression. I haven't been very happy lately and I guess that might be a cause for the insomnia. I dunno. I kinda want to find a boyfriend. Maybe that'll help in some way or another. Whatever. I know I'm not going to so I'll just deal with where I'm at right now. I'm going out to Vegas again in December and I'm gonna be getting my license finally this time. If I have to make myself I'll be getting it. This was I can buy a car when I get back out here and maybe find a better paying job. Then next year I'm gonna go back out in June rather than May and find a place to live and a job. Then when my lease is up, since I just renewed it for this year, I can move next year. I'm so sick of this place. I just want to leave. But since I can't right now I'll have to wait. And I'm going to do my best to be patient about it. Hopefully it won't be too bad. Alright I don't know what else to say so I'll write again later.

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I have 3 names on Nutang. I use mainly two of them, but this one I don't really go on all that much. I pretty much get all the shit out that I need to say between the other two names. I come on here when I'm bored or when I just haven't been on here and I decide I want to update. Right now its cuz I'm bored. I was just on here this past Sunda early morning so nothing really has happened since then. I know that I'm not interested in anyone at the present time. And I'm hoping that I don't jynx it like I did last time. Last time I said that I had no interest in anyone I ended up liking someone a few days later. I don't want to become interested in anyone this time. I do however kinda want to find a boyfriend. Someone who is going to care about me for who I am. Someone who isn't going to judge me because of what I wear, where I work, what movies I watch, what music I listen to, etc. I want him to have an opinion though. I want him to let me have my opinion. I want him to be around my age, maybe a couple years older, but no younger. I want a guy who I can go out with and not be embarassed by the things he does or the way he acts. I want to go out with him and not care who sees us together. I also want him to be able to sit or lay with me, look into my eyes not say anything and still enjoy the moment that we had. I would love for him to not be annoyed that I don't have a car and am unable to get around without bumming a ride. I know that there are plenty of other things that I want in a guy, but what I've just listed isn't really asking a whole lot. However its exteremely hard to find these days. Hopefully I will find that special guy. Alright I'm trying to watch tv and type and its not working so I'll write again whenever.

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Its almost quarter to 3 in the morning right now and I'm still up. I'm tired and I keep yawning but since I don't have to work in the morning I don't really see the need in going to bed. I need to watch the DVDs that I rented so that I can bring them back tomorrow. I've had them for 2 weeks now, but I haven't found the time to actually sit down and watch them. I'm not going to cancel the membership that I have though because this way I can go in whenever I want and rent something without having to worry about how much money I have on me. Besides I'm so used to them taking the money out of my account that I don't even think about it. So... I'm extremely bored right now. I'm tired too, but I think I mentioned that already. I'm listening to Angels and Airwaves right now. I like their CD. I just bought Three Days Grace 'One-X' today. I got it for one song. I want it on my Mp3 player but I kinda needed the CD first. I like the whole CD though which is always good. It helps to like the whole CD rather than just the one song. It would be a waste of money then. I wanted to buy the soundtrack to Dane Cook's Tourgasm, but I couldn't find it. I'm sure I'll find it eventually, but at the moment I don't know where I would be able to buy it. I'm sure they have it somewhere. Maybe FYE. I dunno. I'll get it soon enough. I'm happy with what I have right now. Man, I should probably lay down and at least think about going to sleep, but I just can't seem to convince myself to get off the computer. I like being on here too much I guess. I'm glad that there's a site like Nutang where I can write my shit on here and no one really cares. No one really knows about it (at least not me) so I don't have to worry too much about what I write or who I write about. No one that I know is going to read this and get all weird about what's been written. I was looking through some of the much older shit (older meaning from like 2004) and I have no clue what the hell I was thinking. LOL. I've changed so much since then. And I know that like even 2 years from now when I get on here and read the shit that I'm writing right now I'm gonna be like, "what the hell was wrong with me?" I just think its funny how that works. I find myself thinking about what's gonna happen in the future, but I also think about how much my past has influenced the present. And how much it influences the decisions I make in the future. I'm always learning and that's what life is all about. If I wasn't learning anything new, then I don't know what I'd be. Well I've definately written a lot in the last 15 minutes. I'm running out of things to say now so I think I'm going to end this for the night and continue later on when I figure out something to say.

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