so, i really should be in bed, but i don't really care at the moment. i have a test in anatomy tomorrow and i am going to do awful because i have missed several days of her teaching it. oh well, so much for being exempt in that class. that's pretty much the only class i really have left. my grandfather offered me a job for the summer. he said he would pay me $8 an hour. and i would have no living or transportation costs. it's pretty tempting. and i could just move up there right after i get back from new york. but there are a lot of down points to moving so soon. like the fact that i won't be able to hang out with my friends all the time. and i will miss that so much. and i'll be stranded in dallas without a car. and i won't have any friends there yet. and that could make for a lonely summer. but i am sure that kevin and lindsey would occupy me part of the time. and that's better pay than i have now. and it would make the transition of moving into the dorms easier. i dunno. to much to think about right now.

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so, sometimes life sucks and sometimes life is good and sometimes life is both. and right now it's both. and i need to go to bed cause i have an ap test in the morning, but i'm not really caring so much. i mean i'm not going to do that well on it anyway. and apparently nick is going to be working at chuck e again. he's going to talk to raul in about a week. that is going to be weird. for those of you who don't know, i went out with nick at the end of the summer. we ended kinda bad. so i don't know what's going to happen with him. but, i mean, he's a cool kid. when he isn't drunk. i really think im going to quit. i'm gonna talk to lynn tomorrow and see what she thinks.

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i'm tired. but that's nothing new. i got up early this morning to make my mommy breakfast. i think she liked it. sometimes it's hard to tell when something really makes her happy. it's klike she's afraid to show it. but then again, people say i'm the same way. it's cause we think that human emotions make us week. so, evidently chris found an '87 944 for fairly cheap. it's still about $1000 more than i can afford, but it's comforting to know that i may be able to get a car sometime in the near future. i almost quit my job last. i was so pissed off at two of my managers and one of the new girls. and if lynn would have been there, iwould have given her my two weeks. instead, next time i see her i'm going to tell her that i am quitting. i haven't decided the exact date because i need to get another job first, but it will be soon. i'm going to apply for a hostessing job at all the restaurants that are opening up by the mall. maybe mom will let me go on wednesday. or, i'll have dad take me on tuesday since i don't work on that day. i'm gettign so sick of all the crap at work right now. i just don't want to deal with it anymore.

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and it's amazing. boys and girls, think about this for a few minutes.

HerEyesLikeAStar: crash rickshaw - imperfect demand perfect

Think Contraband
Plastic objects are you breathing?
Fishing for men
With artificial lures
Supply and Demand
Fake women look for real men
But I think again, situation looks dim
Treat them all like objects
And that's what they've become
Oh, selfish eyes
Search and Compare
Why can't her body match that cover?
There's nothing there
To satisfy my urge
Her chest is bare
Things will work out if she works out
Looks lead the care
Will it matter 50 years?
So what is Beauty?
Who say's who's beautiful?
Media filled minds
So we treat them like objects
And that's what they become
Oh, selfish eyes
Compared with prettier pages
Imperfect demanding Perfect
Not to court, only for scoring
Imperfect demanding Perfect

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Prepare to hear yourself say something you won't believe you said. It's okay. It's good to be brutally blunt every now and then. The only way to really clear the air is by being totally honest with all parties concerned.
Someone you least expect will give you the advice you need to carry on. Not everything you hear or see today will be as it appears. Do a little research on your own before you make a move.
these are my horoscopes for the day. yeah, i don't either one is true. or at least not what i can remember of today. i actually don't think i said anything brutally honest today which is quite unusual. so that was way off the mark. and i can't think of any good advice i've gotten today. but it's all good cause in eco, some of us went to the raap's room and made it our secret club house. yeah, sad i know, yet extremely amusing. we played hangman for a while and apparently only lucas and i have good, well-rounded taste in music and movies. i mean, how many people know who portishead and texas in the narrow are? yeah, exactly. but it was all good cause eric knows everything about german cars. the only sad parts of my day - after school plans got postponed until tomorrow and natalie couldn't take us on the theater tour b/c the junior high bands were having uil. so i guess today was a pretty decent. even despite the english ap test. i didn't happen to think it was too bad. and i was quite worried about that one. so, all in all, today was better, but life is still at gay point.
tomorrow's horoscope. You can make headway if you discuss issues that concern you. Reforms can be made and the dynamics of your relationships can be improved with help from people who care about you. -------yeah, umm, ok

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sometimes life is ridiculously gay. i mean, there are good things and bad things to everyday. like playing kanasta with lucas in eco is a good thing. he makes me smile cause he is absolutely adorable. but no one worry. nothing is going to happen. we'll be friends and that's it. (breathe ash) and he'll make me happy while i'm at school. and the rest of life will continue to suck. and, once again, the moving thing is up in the air. now i kinda want to move right away cause i want to run away, but i still don't think it would be wise to strand myself in dallas without a car. so, i don't really know at this point. but i guess i'll figure it all out. - yay mega man!

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