Well, okay, maybe I didn't do that well; I certainly wouldn't want to jinx myself. But it wasn't bad and I understand now why some mediocre science majors at many colleges and universities have higher GPAs than the science majors I have had the pleasure of meeting at my own alma mater.

Kiss my ass, virology! You are not the master of me!

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I don't know how to feel about this exam. Part of me says that it's going to be "easy peasy pumpkin peezy pumpkin pie motherfucker!" and the other part of me says that my hubris is only exceeded by that of those in Greek tragedies... so... yeah.

I'll play it safe and say that it will probably suck the big one.

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Original article here.

This Is Your (Father’s) Brain on Drugs

By MIKE MALES
Published: September 17, 2007

Santa Cruz, Calif.

A SPATE of news reports have breathlessly announced that science can explain why adults have such trouble dealing with teenagers: adolescents possess “immature,” “undeveloped” brains that drive them to risky, obnoxious, parent-vexing behaviors. The latest example is a study out of Temple University that found that the “temporal gap between puberty, which impels adolescents toward thrill seeking, and the slow maturation of the cognitive-control system, which regulates these impulses, makes adolescence a time of heightened vulnerability for risky behavior.”

We know the rest of the script: Commentators brand teenagers as stupid, crazy, reckless, immature, irrational and even alien, then advocate tough curbs on youthful freedoms. Jay Giedd, who heads the brain imaging project at the National Institutes of Health, argues that the voting and drinking ages should be raised to 25. Deborah Yurgelun-Todd, a psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School, asks whether we should allow teenagers to be lifeguards or to enlist in the military. And state legislators around the country have proposed raising driving ages.

But the handful of experts and officials making these claims are themselves guilty of reckless overstatement. More responsible brain researchers — like Daniel Siegel of the University of California at Los Angeles and Kurt Fischer at Harvard’s Mind, Brain and Education Program — caution that scientists are just beginning to identify how systems in the brain work.

“People naturally want to use brain science to inform policy and practice, but our limited knowledge of the brain places extreme limits on that effort,” Dr. Siegel told me. “There can be no ‘brain-based education’ or ‘brain-based parenting’ at this early point in the history of neuroscience.”

Why, then, do many pundits and policy makers rush to denigrate adolescents as brainless? One troubling possibility: youths are being maligned to draw attention from the reality that it’s actually middle-aged adults — the parents — whose behavior has worsened.

Our most reliable measures show Americans ages 35 to 54 are suffering ballooning crises:

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18,249 deaths from overdoses of illicit drugs in 2004, up 550 percent per capita since 1975, according to data from the National Center for Health Statistics.

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46,925 fatal accidents and suicides in 2004, leaving today’s middle-agers 30 percent more at risk for such deaths than people aged 15 to 19, according to the national center.

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More than four million arrests in 2005, including one million for violent crimes, 500,000 for drugs and 650,000 for drinking-related offenses, according to the F.B.I. All told, this represented a 200 percent leap per capita in major index felonies since 1975.

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630,000 middle-agers in prison in 2005, up 600 percent since 1977, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics.

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21 million binge drinkers (those downing five or more drinks on one occasion in the previous month), double the number among teenagers and college students combined, according to the government’s National Household Survey on Drug Use and Health.

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370,000 people treated in hospital emergency rooms for abusing illegal drugs in 2005, with overdose rates for heroin, cocaine, pharmaceuticals and drugs mixed with alcohol far higher than among teenagers.

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More than half of all new H.I.V./AIDS diagnoses in 2005 were given to middle-aged Americans, up from less than one-third a decade ago, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

What experts label “adolescent risk taking” is really baby boomer risk taking. It’s true that 30 years ago, the riskiest age group for violent death was 15 to 24. But those same boomers continue to suffer high rates of addiction and other ills throughout middle age, while later generations of teenagers are better behaved. Today, the age group most at risk for violent death is 40 to 49, including illegal-drug death rates five times higher than for teenagers.

Strangely, the experts never mention even more damning new “discoveries” about the middle-aged brain, like the 2004 study of scans by Harvard researchers revealing declines in key memory and learning genes that become significant by age 40. In reality, human brains are highly adaptive. Both teenagers and adults display a wide variety of attitudes and behaviors derived from individual conditions and choices, not harsh biological determinism. There’s no “typical teenager” any more than there’s a “typical” 45-year-old.

Commentators slandering teenagers, scientists misrepresenting shaky claims about the brain as hard facts, 47-year-olds displaying far riskier behaviors than 17-year-olds, politicians refusing to face growing middle-aged crises ... if grown-ups really have superior brains, why don’t we act as if we do?

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Among my top 10 career matches using Career Matchmaker at CareerCruising.com were the following:

- Scientist
- Forensic Specialist
- Professor
- Microbiologist
- Anthropologist

It's eerie how dead-on they can be when they assess your interests and skills...

It's definitely a good sign, though. It says I'm heading in the right direction so everything is A-OK.

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I am so over Silicon Valley.

If I am lucky enough to leave this place, I wouldn't be too torn up about it.

Today, it took me 70 minutes to drive 18 miles.

While sitting in traffic, I started yelling "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" with my windows rolled down, calling out to no one in particular, but searching for a way to soothe my soul.

And you know what? It kinda worked. For a while there, I was laughing. My one pure moment of lysergic bliss in all the maddening, stagnant chaos consuming me.

And then I realized I was still five miles from home.

And then the rage took over.

And then the stereo volume exploded.

And they fed into each other.

And here we are now.

I HATE YOU, SAN JOSE! DO YOU HEAR THAT? I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU AND YOUR TRAFFIC AND YOUR LACK OF USABLE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION AND YOUR CRAPPY DOWNTOWN! I HATE YOU AND YOUR STOLEN SHOPPING CARTS ON STREET CORNERS AND YOUR IDIOTIC ASIAN MOTORCYCLE GANGS AND YOUR TACKY MCMANSIONS ON TREELESS HILLS! I HATE YOU AND YOUR ENDLESS SUBURBIAN NIGHTMARE AND YOUR INCESSANT NEED TO DEVELOP OPEN LANDS INTO HOUSING THAT CANNOT POSSIBLY BE SUPPORTED BY YOUR CURRENT INADEQUATE INFRASTRUCTURE! I HATE YOU AND YOUR PUBLIC PARKS WITH NO RESTROOMS AND YOUR DISTINCT LACK OF DISTINCT GEOGRAPHY AND YOUR STUPID FLUORESCENT MARIGOLD SODIUM STREETLAMPS THAT POLLUTE THE NIGHT SKY WITH ITS SICKLY UNNATURAL GLOW!

I hate that you're all I've got...

And maybe that's why I'm so angry.

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The itching gets much worse when I go to sleep.

When I wake up for a while, it tends to subside, but I can't keep losing sleep like that.

If only there were a neverending supply of cold compresses (to discourage the immune response that stimulates pruritis) at my bedside, I would be a happy (and well-rested) man.

I know I've been saying this for a long time now, but I really, really need insurance. Maybe then I can see that dermatologist at the new clinic who went to my college. Perhaps he would be willing to work extra hard to help out a fellow alumnus.

Lord knows I'll need all the help I can get.

Alright, I need another cold pack...

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I haven't seen my mom worked up that much about anything in a long time.

She has a history of hypertension; it's why she had to go on medical leave a few years ago. She's mellowed out considerably since then, which is why it is so disconcerting to see her in such a tizzy.

I'd better tell my sister not to piss her off today...

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Damn itch! (No, that isn't a typo.) I want to sleeeeeeeeeeep... To pass the time, here's another exciting segment of Ten Second Interview.

When I'm elected, the first law I'll pass...

Again with the presumption. I'll never be elected because I will never run.

What was the best prank you ever played on someone?

When I was a senior in high school, I nearly convinced a freshman girl that one color wasn't what she said it was.

What flavor are you glad is not included in Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans?

Smoker's Cum.

Jessica Alba or Jessica Simpson?

Alba. Duh.

The key to success is...

...lowered expectations.

The best things in life are...

...sometimes the worst for you.

Make up a new word right now:

Winsome: a baby fox. (Okay, I'm very much aware that winsome is already a word, but this definition came to me in a dream a couple years back and it's going to catch on, dammit!)

The best question I've seen so far on 10 Second Interview is...

...this one.

My worst part time job was...

...selling knives. No joke.

Truth or Dare?

Truth. And it ain't pretty.

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