Today wasn't nearly as depressing as I would have thought. I went to the funeral mass and met up with Megan, who doesn't seem to have changed at all. We talked throughout the mass and got kicked out near the end... Her parents weren't too thrilled. After that, we went to the funeral home for the burial and got kicked out again for laughing to loudly... What the hell is up with that? But, after a long lecture on manners, we got to the wake and got wasted on chips and soda, which is possible if you can believe it. The rest of the family actually got buzzed... Becker went through four beers in about a half an hour and started chasing Megan and me around. We ended up sitting on the roof for a good couple of hours catching up and watching the sunset. Good times... Too bad they never last.

Speaking of good times... There aren't many others. Someone isn't talking to me and I have a feeling it has something to do with yesterday's poems... I even have track tomorrow. If I have to do anything else, I'm going to kill someone.

I suppose I should go to bed soon. I don't want to be completely dead when I have to go to track tomorrow.

Later, DS
~ Brain damage can help sometimes.

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Today has been a really terrible one... I started off waking up to the sound of my grandmother sobbing loudly. Apparently Megan's grandmother died... I'm pretty sad for her, since I've already lost my fair share of relatives, but I didn't really know her grandmother that well. None of this will make sense until I say my grandmother got me invited to attend the funeral... I don't know what's wrong with her... I've never been able to act sad when someone I didn't even know that well dies. What am I going to say to Megan when we get to chatting? I hope she'll understand...

Moving off of the more dreary things, I had track today. It was terrible again. All we did was warm up, do our excels, drills, and run a bit. It took two hours and I wasn't very pleased about having to go to BHS to do it. That's all I have to say about that.

I screwed up my final EP presentation... Looks like I'm not going to get an award unless it's for "Best Effort After Realizing He Lost" or something...

Back to the lamentable, I'm really confused about this whole... crush thing. If you saw the quiz results on my Xanga, you know a bit of the problem. At least I know why Lauren talks about being "conficated"... I feel like a helpless mess. She doesn't like me, I like her, I know I annoy her more than she'd admit, now I'm writing sappy love poems and she's been pretty negative about it. Sometimes I'd just like to die... I don't want to try so hard it makes it hard for her to breathe... _{Poetry time}

Later, DS
~ If I could see your eyes when the world was new and beautiful...

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I really didn't care much for track practice today... It was a stupidity-filled, boring, and annoying-as-hell day. We got there at ten, ran our warmup and two laps of excels, then the highjumpers (i.e. Craig and I) went to get the pits and proceeded to do nothing until eleven thirty. We figured we could just go home when we were done, but Wheeler decided we should run paced 400's. It was sort of annoying in that I actually had to run at a pace I normally wouldn't, but by no means hard. I found it to be a wasted day, so I went to the weight room to stretch out a bit.

What else did I do? I took some quizzes, ate, found a couple of my jazz CDs, watched a little Ys, and even thought about writing a poem, but then thought better if it. Maybe I should go write one and think better of thinking I thought it better that I didn't.

I think I'm going to actually make myself a layout... this look is kind of dull, wouldn't you say? Of course, I'd seriously doubt my actually coming up with anything I could deem worthy to decorate any sort of site with, so you'll be waiting awhile if you care to wait. Did that even make sense?

Later, DS
~ Desert Snowstorm: It's not really a paradox, it just sounds dumb.

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I don't even know why I'm writing an entry today... Nothing really happened. I was rudely awakened by my father when my clock read eleven, even though it was twelve. He told me it was time for lunch, but that I had to make it myself. I spent the next few hours digging in my room, hoping to find something, though I'm not sure what exactly I was looking for. I found the Bob Dylan CD I was going to burn for Emerald also... I also found out I must have more than one, since I found a relatively new CD.

I went down to Tower for whatever reason... They're going out of bussiness if you didn't know; they filed chapter eleven bankruptcy sometime last month I believe... But at any rate, they have a twenty-five percent discount on everything. I went in and scanned, but I only found a Green Day album and some new headphones, since I broke my wraparounds... I wanted to go to Barnes and Nobel too, but I realized the walk home wouldn't be too fun if I went all the way in the dark.

Oh yeah, I went to Big 5 too. It was before Tower. I walked in and strolled across the store and casually made my way over to the knives, but then I realized I couldn't buy any without an adult present. I scanned for a bit and found a bin of arrows, of which I was badly in need, and picked up seven. I got a frisbee too, since Bob has yet to return my old one.

While today may have been uneventful, it gave me a lot of time to think. Of course, most of that thinking is mushy, crush-related thinking and you probably don't want to hear about it. I did realize, however, that devout followers of religion would be crushed if they learned their God wasn't real. Then I started wondering what motivates me to be nice to people. I know it's not religion or may family. I guess it has to be that I'm fearful that people will fall into the same rut I made for myself and have to live with things I have gone through. Since I know how it feels, I try to protect them from it. Also, if for some reason religion was abolished, who would go around doing things "in the name of (their) God"? No one. At least I'd be one person making a difference.

Later, DS
~ Don't be a melon and let the sledgehammer of the world fall on you.

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I'm really, really tired. I was up till somewhere around two trying to talk to Emerald, but I finally gave up and went to sleep. Considering I got back from the track meet at eleven PM last night and I had to get up at seven to write four pages for my EP signing at eleven AM today, I think I was brave in waiting for her so long...

Anyways, the meet went exceptionally badly. When they say "Top 8", you get a really competitive bunch of people. I got out of school at two to go, which isn't really a great consolation for getting home at eleven. But, getting back to the meet, I ran the first and last events of the day with none inbetween... Pretty dull. For the first event, the 4x100, I ran my ass off and got a spectacular time around eleven seconds, but our team got killed anyways. We placed 17th out of 19! Yay for us. Hours later I ran in the 4x400, in which my split was actually good. I got a 54.42, almost beating Frank, but not good enough to get our team anything above seventh... Oh well, there's always next year.

I hate it when I have things to ask people and they're busy... And when I get pulled away when I'm trying to chat and come back to see whoever it was had tried to talk and went away while I was gone for forty minutes... Boy, that was oddly specific. If you know this is about you, look up the lyrics to "Thing's I'll Never Say", if not, you can do it anyway and laugh at me, it's a win-win situation.

{edit} I almost forgot about my dream! The dream I had from seven to eight this morning that is. It was kinda trippy. I was running on the track and I blacked out... and I ended up in a tent with... well, yeah. Ask me about the details if you care... {/edit}

Later, DS
~ Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll be amongst the stars.

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Yay! Today sucked! It was one of the most boring days I've spent at school in a long time. We watched Le chateau de ma mére in French (If that isn't a given) and The Mandate of Heaven in History. Then I got called out of English to the dean's office, only to have Mr. Wheeler yell, "Robert, you haven't been to practice in two weeks, where have you been?!" I studdered for a bit before he came out and said, "April Fool's." That kind of pissed me off... But then I had a Bio test that I finsihed in about fifteen minutes and did the extra credit part for the rest of the period. I guessed on a few things, but I think I got them right... It's the things I "knew" that I'm worried about.

Anyways, I took the US test and I didn't finish it since I lost my damn calculator somewhere... I really hope I find it. Track was really stupid too, we just ran until three and left. As I said, today was really uneventful... Oh yeah, I got a really bad grade on my english essay, too.

Later, DS
~ Never laugh hard enough to blow snot on yourself.

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